May 2007


Plain Weird23 May 2007 02:41 pm

Hektor left all this as a comment on the contact page, despite me asking that people mail them instead. However, I will not only forgive Hektor but extend to him my gratitude because he’s squeezed out a fully-formed nugget of tragi-tainment. I present it, unadulterated, below.

I was alone, at home, around Easter, last year, and, naturally, when the phone rang, I picked it up.

It was my brother-in-law, who, - I knew, - was on holiday, with my sister, in South Africa! They phoned home, regularly, but, what made this call, so special, was, the fact, that, as I was TALKING to him, my brother in law, was, apparently, “TAKING A STROLL”, - at the TOP of TABLE MOUNTAIN!

He bought me a copy of all the photographs, that he took, as proof! Fantastic shots, they ARE, too!

STEVE HOLMES, Sutton-in-Ashfield, United Kingdom

Whatever next, a carriage moving, without horses?

Where is the most inappropriate place I’ve ever heard a phone ring? At a flute recital. Nobody answered it, so it went on and on ringing, while the flautist bravely went on playing. Afterwards it turned out that it was her own phone. It was in her handbag, which she had left on a nearby chair when she stood up to play.

Anna Lowenstein, Palestrina, Italy

A flute recital. Is nothing sacred?

Tax Bores23 May 2007 02:15 pm

A couple of years ago I was told I owed them thousands of pounds, this put me under a great deal of stress,then last year it finally got sorted out and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Last week I received another letter telling me I again owe them thousands of pounds . I now feel suicidal that it is starting all over again.

[psychoticfool], United Kingdom

Prove it.

Self-appointed Sages23 May 2007 12:17 pm

Thanks to Nicky.

Just in case people are missing this - nuclear fuel has to be acquired in just the same way as and other kind of fuel. We will still rely on other countries - often nasty, scary ones - for our fuel supply. Nuclear energy isn’t just magicked up from nowhere.

It may have its place, but the non-dependence argument does not apply to nuclear.

Gavin Glos, Gloucestershire, United Kingdom

Damn those nasty scary countries. What we need to do is persaude a nice, civilised country to let us steal their natural resources.

As Nicky says: “I really feel that Harry Potter is letting us Muggles down”.

Werthers Original Imperialists23 May 2007 11:33 am

The Cutty Sark is as much a piece of our maritime heritage as Victory, Belfast or Warrior. It needs to be saved so the people who served on her are not forgotten. Her history is vital to this small island of ours.

Ian Nicholls, Manchester

To think of Lord Nelson’s tea-soldiers, our bravest and best, aboard the Cutty Sark all those years ago, courageously fighting their way through Al-Qaeda’s tea-blockade. Imagine the scenes as they arrived home in good old blighty, stepping onto the dock at Buckingham Palace amidst cheers and fireworks. The Duke of Wellington presents a box of ceremonial teabags to Winston Churchill who has been waiting there for 2 straight weeks, never giving up hope… just waiting there with a PROPER BRITISH kettle. I’m welling up just thinking about it.

Slow Readers23 May 2007 11:09 am

It’s sad, such wonton disregard for things is awful, am glad to have seen it years ago.

Zoe, Glasgow

Would you like a bib?

Plain Weird23 May 2007 11:07 am

It would appear that a large number of Londoners have forgotton that if their wasn’t a river for trade running through her then London would probably be another Beeston. I know there are several Beeston’s and I chose that because many people will have heard of atlest one of them. Do everyone a favour and respect your city’s past.

Tom Turner, United Kingdom

Yeah, damn Beestons.

Slow Readers23 May 2007 10:59 am

Too many people prejudge Grammar schools as elitist. If one looks at them in a horizonatal sense, rather than topping a vertical tree, the Grammar school model engages and extends the higher ability pupil more than the comprehensive, secondary modern or city acedemy.

My concern is that higher ability pupils, if not engaged and extended, make a pupil many fold times as cunning and disruptive than low ability pupils if there intellectual needs are not met and harnessed. Believe me, I was one. Being part of a mixed ability class, with a less able/ mid calibre teacher would have disengaged me from learning, and into desruptive behaviour. Comprehensive schools identify G & T, but can’t satisfy

Rob Olivier, Norwich, United Kingdom

Shit the bed. Someone should harness your genius before it’s too late. You cunning little sausage.

Slow Readers23 May 2007 10:48 am

Thanks to Edward.

Why not get people around Portugal and Spain etc etc to take pics with their mobile phones and send them to a place where they can be studied of suspects with a look a like child …it nay be helpfull// and could it be put on the crimestoppers and phone number where to text these ??? many thanks
Richard Turner

Why not simply arrest everyone seen with a 3-year-old girl and then sift through them all in a gigantic paedo-thresher? It nay be helpful!

Permanently Bewildered22 May 2007 07:01 pm

From someone called Tom. Unrelated to Tomsk, my most regular contributor.

Who cares. This money should be used to help homeless people, the NHS, schools and other worthwhile causes. Why are we wasting money on these restoration projects?

David Bryden, Edinburgh

Tom goes on to say:-

“I honestly despair of this country when prats like Mr Bryden spew forth this drivel. We pay taxes to support the above, how the taxes are spent on the above is down to the government we elected to power, funds to support the Cutty Sark are entirely voluntary, perhaps if the Cutty Sark was an Immigrant.”

I see Tom’s point. It took me about 30 seconds though and I want that time back. I still don’t get the “Immigrant” bit.

Permanently Bewildered22 May 2007 06:52 pm

All from Tomsk. Thank Tomsk…

If the restorers need any help rebuilding it, Adrian has assembled a Cutty Sark before…

An absolute tragedy. I remember going on a school trip in the mid 1970’s to see this magnificent ship. At the time Gypsy Moth IV was moored nearby. It made a great impression on me, and I subsequently built an airfix model of the Cutty Sark.

It sounds like it will be possible to salvage and rebuild, but it must heart-breaking for those involved in the restoration project to be set back like this.
Adrian Gill, Camberley, United Kingdom

£25m restoration - wouldn’t it be cheaper just to bulid a new one.

Thelate KingZog

Maybe the new one could have a posher engine. The “fastest clipper” claim has started to get a little embarrassing these last 100 years.

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