spEak You’re bRanes

The stats are meaningless as the number of arrests is not proportional to the number of convictions, or the punishment that goes with it.

The Human Rights Act, Political Correctness, and over crowded prisons, all contribute to a softly softly stance. If we want to reduce crime, punishments need to be harsher.

For example, if a potential car thief knew that the penalty was to have his feet amputated so he could never drive again, would he risk it?

I think many wouldn’t.

Derek, Herts

Together we can build a better Britain.

Thankyou to Matt for finding this.

television and fashion makes it ’smart’ to dress like a mugger, drink like an alchoholic and join a gang or be a junkie. we must vilify drunks, ridicule baggy trousered and hooded idiots. because they look funny after all and stop this drug chic reporting in the press. pete docherty should be in jail not in the news. start mocking people and they will change their style.

paul cater, london

Matt thinks mocking is a good idea and has generously offered to start the ball rolling: “Paul Cater from London is an idiotic prick. He probably dresses slightly differently from me as well, which makes him even more of a knob.”

When asked if immigration controls are tough enough, Zaunkoenig emphatically replies:

NO!

Europe has an ageing population, and, partly due to a low indigenous birthrate, fewer young people are available to support the old.
The UK seems to allow uncontrolled immigration, legal or illegal, to redress the perceived imbalance. Europe already appears to have uncontrolled immigration from Countries whose “normal” birthrate is far higher than ours
How do you intend to solve the even greater problem in 30-40 years if immigration is not stopped now, or at least drastically curtailed?

[Zaunkoenig], United Kingdom

You’re absolutely right of course. In 30 years time our schools are going to be knee deep in kids with funny surnames. We need to get British people shagging but how? We’ve tried extending the licensing hours but people just aren’t getting drunk enough. If only we weren’t all so damned ugly.

Thanks to Céline for finding this.

I am sure it will, toddlers in their early age need their parents, particularly mumy who would help them develop their character. I like the Victorian era where mummy was at home looking after the whole family. Hope this would come back again..

**Islam**, Southampton

Every family needs a gigantic, fertile mummy-cowqueen. The comparison isn’t really fair though. Back in those days you only had to look after them for a couple of years. After that they were either dead or up a chimney.

When Britain becomes an Islamic state, all wealth will be taken from the rich capitalists and redistributed among the faithful. Praise Allah,

- Ali Mamoud

Yes, and then we can all go back to living in caves and playing football with the severed heads of our free thinking women folk.

Islamo facist nonsense!!!!!!!!
Vim Fuego, Norway

Rubbish. The noses make them bounce funny.

Praise Allah,

Ali Mamoud

—
Why would I want to praise a terrorist?

Why don’t you b*gger off to an Islamist state if thats what you want.
[StickySlop], Somewhere, United Kingdom

Please report to The Institute for genetic augmentation. It has been determined that you are dangerously dim and your intelligence level is to be increased from “Battery Chicken” to “Enthusiastic Labrador”.

Thanks to Rob Ringrow for finding this terrifying wank.

in reply to evan gelical’s comments on this hys,i agree inocent until proven guilty,however a suspected terrorist usually turnsout guilty even by association with the actual terrorist/act of terror. as regards mendes he was told to stop,he ran sadly a head shot is the only way to deal with a suicide bomber and the police were damned either way on that one. shoot it maybe a mistake ,dont act and allow more carnage bet you couldnt make that choice,i couldnt!!

the voice of reason, dunstable beds

Innocent until suspected foreign. I don’t care if they have to shoot a thousand innocent civilians, if it saves one innocent civilian then it’s all worthwhile.

Thanks to Paul Sharville for sending me this upsetting story about the “inscrutible duvet cover makers of the far east”.

I brought a union jack duvet cover online and when it arrived it was no bigger than a small blanket because it was made in china where the’re much smaller. is nothing sacred, even my devotion to my country! bring back manufacturing to england then we woul’dnt need the internet!

*foreverstgeorge*

We are a tall nation. Your best option is to buy your duvet covers from America. The height of the average American is slightly lower than the average Englishman… but jesus they’re fat. Just turn the duvet sideways and you’re golden.

A submission from James in answer to the question “Who would make the best London Mayor?”

Paddington most definately - O mayor sorry I thought it said bear.
chris marchant, Brixham, United Kingdom

James adds “I was going to say ‘At least he’s made an effort’, but frankly I don’t think he has and the pun simply doesn’t work in a written medium, and furthermore the expression ‘London Bear’ doesn’t really exist whereas ‘London Mayor’ is much more common and therefore if there were to be any confusion (which clearly there wasn’t) it would surely act in the other direction. Chris Marchant is a fucking idiot.”

He should have gone for ‘Black Beauty’ and ‘London Mare’. People like Chris Marchant are worse than Hitler.

Alix found this post on the subject of ‘Are we becoming a surveillance society?’

Banks and credit card companies make uneasy bedfellows. Keep your money in a tin under the bed. Bed the girl next door to avoid being BEDeviled by a wife/joint account. Remember that eccentric behaviour is the BEDrock of British humour and sangfoid–it causes chaos in the CCTV control room and is the best antidote to the BEDlam of modern society. I think it’s time I put this one to bed….
Ralph Cook, Barking, United Kingdom

As Alix noted, Ralph seems to have discovered that some of the big words have little words inside them!

By the way Ralph, a pun is a “humorous play on words”.