spEak You’re bRanes

The world lost two of its greatest humanitarians within a week 10 years ago. The Princess of Wales and Mother Teresa. Two boys lost their mother.

How many families hold memorial services for their loved ones no matter how good or bad they were in life?

Let the world remember her and her sons pay tribute to that special woman who was their mother.

Good luck and God speed to you Princes William and Henry may you have the strength to deal with the negative comments and RIP Princess.

Carron, Haworth

You do realise she’s dead don’t you? Do you think she’s reading “Have Your Say”? I have trouble summoning the energy to read it myself and I have two advantages over Diana’s grinning corpse in that respect (I learned to read and I’m still alive).

Also, are you sure that wishing the two princes dead isn’t slightly treasonous? And you forced me to look up their names to disccover that one of them IS called “Henry” and they just call him “Harry” because they’re all mad. What a waste of my time. You worthless, stupid, annoying cow. I bet you’ve got great big fucking pendulous tits haven’t you? Big blue veiny danglers. Gah. I hate you.

Do I agree, or do I care?

The people in Iraq were given a good opportunity to be a fair and democratic country. But they reacted and rejected the concept. We should take the hint, and leave. Mr Bush, the oil just isn’t worth it….

So There, South of England, United Kingdom

It was a mistake to offer these savages freedom and democracy whilst stealing their oil. They bitterly oppose freedom and they’ll fight to the death to make sure they don’t get it. Instead, we should steal their oil whilst offering them the brutal dictatorship they crave. Perhaps then they’d all calm down a bit and let us get on with it.

Bigmaxy musters all his comedic energies into a single, cuttingly ironic, observation on the state of TV today. I still don’t quite get what he’s done here, too clever by exactly half.

What’s wrong with How-to-Be-a-Ten-Years-Younger-Shipwrecked-Celebrity-Wife-Swapping-Property-Developer-Kitchen-Nightmare-Get-Me-Out-of-Here? I quite like that show.

bigmaxy, London, United Kingdom

I’ve heard ITV are in the process of commissioning a new reality show: “I’m a witless bellend, please may I be drowned in a barrel of horse piss?”.

Generally i think i am quite liberal. However I can not think of a punishment fitting for the asornist involved in this mass murder. All summer i have raved that the fires in greece will eventualy claim lives, but how to make it stop? My inital reaction was to burn them all (i live close enough to smell the smoke) but I admit to prefering the idea to make them work.
After some environmental duty, they should be slaves to the famillies they have destroyed

Aliland

Generally, Aliland, I think you’re an illiterate mentalist. I’m glad, however, that your liberal sensitivities mean we can move from burning criminals alive to simply enslaving them for life. That feels like real progress to me. Rave on.

The media should be the ones who change the world. Gangs are shown in films so much more often than, eg., chess clubs. People aren’t supposed to think that crime is cool, and yet every image that a young black boy sees on TV is of someone who wears what he wears, and lives on a steet just like his, so he thinks “maybe I am like that”, and the cycle is not broken but extended. Therefore, stop portraying the chess club as geeks, and stop making kids think they have something to prove.

Jenny Bartle, Colchester, United Kingdom

Hmmm, maybe Jenny is onto something. A remake of 8 Mile, with Nigel Short as a chess hustler, down on his luck, and with one last chance to shine? It’ll be massive. The hoodies will lap it up and we’ll all be one step closer to the land of milk and honey.

Iain from Doncaster applies Darwins theory of natural selection to the question of house price affordability:

I believe that most people are like hamsters, in our own little hamsterworld cages trundling the wheel of commercial life round & round in ignorance till we drop off. But our evolvment from whereever we began includes a variety of animals which is why when it comes to buying houses & most other things the donkey side of us shows & we grab at carrots. Various animal instincts are such a part of us which is why various instincts are targeted by businesses, politicians & religions past & present. Many instincts & behaviours are unrealised by most as we try to distance ourselves from the animal world but our human behaviours ARE governed by what we actually are & not just what we want to be.

Iain Connochie, Doncaster

In the future, boffins will be able to modify our DNA and remove the donkey elements that cause us to speculate on the housing market.

I have a horrible vision of Iain showing us his “donkey side”.

Oh dear
if co2 is so prevelant with global warming (which I doubt is man made) where is the corresponding growth in plants, it is after all required for plant growth? oh and tell me why greenland is called greenland! what sort of climate do you want? come on what sort of climate do you require.

dave, NORTH EAST

Order your climate before 3pm for Next Day Delivery.

The police should have the power to “ruffle up” individuals who have committed a petty crime. That will stop them…

Adam Thornton, United Kingdom

It’ll take them hours to get straightened out after a good ruffling.

I am from Africa and I was 26 when I moved to USA. Up until I moved to USA, I have never seen homo people in my life before. And I believe, Ugandan government did the right thing for not defending homosexuals. Is Africa Homophobic? I would say no! I would rather say, Africa is Homo free continent and I hope it will remain the same.

abayneh, rochester

True enough. It’s very hard to be homophobic when there aren’t any homos.

LONDON is the capital and the Queen lives there, and the houses are expensive and theres so many homeless it’s unbelievable, and the traffic, well that takes the mick!

R A, United Kingdom

R A, you should be a travel writer.