spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Commander Primate for this one.

It is about time that sanity crept back in - but it should be made very clear to councils that they MUST NOT rely on parking fines to support their budgets - that is tantamount to living off the proceeds of crime or immoral earnings - makes them no better than pimps living off the earnings of prostitutes in my book. As for parking, all new housing should be designed with space off-road for two cars (owner+visitor) and if a new house means parking pressure for residents it should be refused

Mark London, London, United Kingdom

We could just make it illegal for people who earn less than fifty grand to own cars?

Thanks to Matt.

It seems to me that the hatred of the sensationalism and media-flurry around Diana’s death has resulted in many people forgetting that she was a very good human being. People claim she was a spotlight-hogging drama queen. Well, I love being centre of attention and am prone to a touch of melodramatics myself, but I’ll never be brave enough to go and dig up landmines.
Sophie Shinigami, Belfast, Ireland

What a woman. With all the time she spent digging up landmines, it’s amazing she had time to continue working on her AIDS cure. God she was brilliant. I’ve got a massive boner just thinking about her.

When asked about the world’s most disappointing tourist attractions, Dharmender (rather broadly) responded:

what a useless HYS debate .

I love India by the way …

most disappointing tourist attractions???? definitely East of England …

Dharmender Singh, Reading, United Kingdom

An unjustified attack which prompted this reply:

… from the name - are you French? may explain the distain.

p r, basingstoke

I really don’t think there is anything I can add to this.

Thanks to Tom for this.

I notice the value of Tesco and M&S shares have both fallen significantly. Does this mean when I go shopping the shops will be smaller than last week and have a smaller range of stock?
Old Briton, Notts

Bang on. Right this minute Tesco is digging up stores and clearing shelves, exactly commensurate with the drop in their share price. Rest assured though, one thing will remain the same. When you do go shopping in your smaller Tesco, you’ll still be a wittering twatsack.

Thanks to Eddie for browsing through the Inheritance Tax HYS.

This is an awful tax - you go out to work and slave and save all your life. You pay tax when you earn your wealth - but if you then want to either spend it or give it away you get taxed again. HM Gov gets ‘a percentage’ on each transaction…..reminds one of the mafia….Once u have paid tax on your wad u should be able to do what you want with it - and not have to worry about your family having to cough up inheritance tax because the Gov wants to tax the dead as well as the living… abolish it now, it’s unreasonable for the rest of the family to have to pay 40% to stay in the family home!”

paul ingram, edinburgh

Eddie says “I particularly like the gratuitous comparison with organised crime, because of course when the mafia take your money they spend it on public services, don’t they? As a matter of fact my local mafia has just increased its protection rates and I don’t see what I’m getting for that extra money, I think they’ve spent it on yet more bureaucracy, hare-brained parking schemes and FAT CAT MAFIA PENSIONS.”

Thanks to Andy for this. I’ve been sitting on it (along with a load of others) for weeks now. I really do appreciate all the submissions, even if it takes ages for them to appear on here. Every single one saves me another few minutes browsing through that depressing shitstorm.

Win the war in Afganistan? We can’t even “win” the “war” against fundamentalist / fanatics Muslems in our own countries. Unless we submit then the fanatics of all religions will ensure that confrontation will always be with us. Is there a God? If there is then that God must be weeping. I will never submit to any religious fanatic. I will not allow myself to see myself as an “infidel”, or “not one of God’s chosen people” The only true believers in God are not “members” of any major religion.

Ian Hill, Maidenhead

Are you a “member” Ian? Do you allow yourself to see yourself as a “member”? I think you’re a “member” Ian. I think you’re a big purple “member”.

It must be great to be as stupid as some of these people. Truly liberating.

Diana represented different things to different people - she was fashionable, young, successful, confident (though this is not the case, bulemic and depressed) - she was portrayed as an icon - she was smart, she used the press to her advantage, something she seems to have passed onto her sons.

I was sad when died, I was sad for Wills and Harry and at the loss which charaties around the world would feel.

But it’s about time the media let her go. There is nothing new to add to her story.

expatclaire inoz, Adelaide, Australia

Smart?? She failed ALL her exams. TWICE. As Stewart Lee has pointed out, this is quite an achievement for someone born into privilege. It takes a really special kind of halfwit to take all that expensive opportunity and education and achieve little more than potty training. Cretin.

Don’t even get me started on “fashionable”. I’ll give you “young” though. She was young for a bit. But she even managed to fuck that up by not wearing a seatbelt. Idiot. No amount of being young and healthy is going to save you from the laws of physics is it? Not that she’d have understood the laws of physics because she was a simpleton. She probably thought seatbelts were for the seats.

People bleat on about her being beautiful too. She wasn’t beautiful. She was a very stupid manipulative woman with all the emotional maturity and intellect of a spoilt toddler and it showed in her awful pointy selfish face.

Oh, and (surprise surprise) her sons are both chinless thickies too. The only reason anyone believes otherwise is because they’re rarely allowed to interact with anyone outside the circle of inbreeding where these sort of choffy imbeciles are considered quite normal.

The Media has to accept much of the blame. not just for Her death but the damage they have tried to inflict on the Royal Family. Remember take the Royals out of the British equation and we are no better than a banana trplublic.

[happybriab123], Ellesmere, United Kingdom

They really are the powerhouse at the centre of our mighty empire.

I met Princess Diana when she opened Newlyn Fish market in Newlyn Cornwall. She said to me that it smells here and also i am wearing more ear rings than her.I had 3 in at the time.

Nigel Major, Penzance Cornwall

Straight down the line. Nice one Nige.

I’ll keep this short.

Poor Diana, may she rest in peace.
A beautiful human being in body and soul.
As long as I may live, I will remember perfectly the moment when she laid her hand in mine, (that’s how she ’shook’ hands), and most of all, I will recal her deep, bright perfectly blue eyes.
I worked in Kensington & saw her many times there, as Princess, as Mother & as a woman…
Yes, I laid flowers, yes I paid my respects, and yes I cried a lot on the day of the funeral.
Bless You Di.

Leon, Medford, Oregon, USA

Well fucking done you great big pompous fanny.

Just had a Monday morning browse around HYS. I was feeling a bit chipper and needed to bring my serotonin levels down a notch to prepare me for a week of work. I succeeded the moment I stumbled across this depressingly stupid man.

imagine, wandering around your local town centre shops, buying your fish, your veg and your meat, from butchers, fishmongers and grocers. How idylic. Now imagine 250 of you, all crammed into the same little town centre shops, not so idylic. now try a supermarket, loads of room, cheaper prices. of course, the smaller town centre shops could, overtime, become bigger, with more frequent patronage and more comfortable to shop in, but, then they would just be a supermarket, wouldnt they?

PHIL HOWELL, burnham, United Kingdom

No they wouldn’t. Get a grip you tedious unimaginative twat.