spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Kat for finding this one by another Kat.

I hate Hallowe’en. I believe that it is hugely harmful to pretend that dressing up and ‘being’ a witch or the Devil is a fun thing to do. Not only does it frighten and intimidate the elderly and single people, I feel that it is just so inappropriate to be basically celebrating evil. I don’t have children, but if and when I do, I will not be allowing my children to go and harrass people into giving them stuff under an evil guise. Hallowe’en- harmless fun? I don’t think so.
Kat Gilday, Camberley, Surrey, UK

It’s a slippery slope. One minute they’re just dressing up as witches, the next they’re casting their hexes and causing the crops to wither.

This inspired me to create a new category for all those whose everyday lives are blighted by fear of witches, devils, vengeful gods, paedos, Harry Potter, ludicrous leftwing plots, ludicrous rightwing plots, terrorists and other assorted bogeymen. These people often combine their irrational fears with a wilful ignorance of everything they should genuinely be worrying about. I’m going to call it “Fearful Nincompoops” for the moment, unless someone suggests something better.

It’s always nice when someone turns up a genuine “why don’t you go live there”. Thanks to Duncan for this fine specimen. Squawk your terror.

I can’t wait to here the left wing use “multiculturalism and the “West’s foriegn policy” to give these MURDERERS an excuse to kill…go live in a country of SHira Law if that’s how you feel…..
millsusa, Boston

I CAN’T HEAR U. PLS TO SCREAM LOUDER. THX.

On the Madrid bombing verdicts.

This is only mans judgement, just wait until the real God judges them.
Daz, Basingstoke

Yeah man. God’s a really fierce judger. I remember when he judged Hitler. Santa was holding the little shit down by his ears and Jesus and Mary had a leg each. Then God just went like TOTALLY apeshit, screaming “socialism my fat holy ass” and kicking him in the knackers with his HOLY NUT-CRUSHING POWER BOOTS again and again and again for ALL ETERNITY. Proper vicious bastard. I swear, Tony Blair’s going to get his anus ripped off.

The fact that Gordon Brown & Co. are prepared to make whoopee with this sociopathic tyrant says all we need to know about our current government. I don’t suppose there’s any chance of an election anytime soon, is there?

Francis Carey, London

The fact that you probably need oil for your car, to make plastics, to fly in your food and to make your cleaning products and pharmaceuticals mean we have no option but to be nice to the sociopathic tyrant. Even the Lib-Dems vaguely understand.

[Peter_Sym], Nottingham

Oh Francis, you poor naive hippy. You need to stop looking at this in terms of such outmoded concepts as “right” and “wrong”. It’s a bit like the whole Iraq thing. Either a few of us give up being obscenely wealthy, or we kill a few hundred thousand people who we never met. We need self-important fools like Peter Sym to remind us that we have the right to privilege while people born elsewhere don’t even have the right to live. Otherwise we might have to give up our fucking miserable shopping centres.

“What should be done to stop the spread of hospital infections?”

Move in troops (Army)
Is this post code sorted like Cancer treatment too?

Mr. Mark Anthony Watson, Doncaster

Also, I’ve got an itch right up my bumcrack and I could do with some troops (Army) to scratch it for me.

Thanks to Gareth.

A major cause of the problems created by immigration is that people who come have no real connection with Britain. There are language problems and cultural problems all of which cost the country money, and upset the cultural balance.
I suggest that instead of encouraging immigration from the EU, we return to focusing on immigrants from the “old” Commonwealth, e.g. Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc where the old values of the UK have been rooted and built upon, and whose people speak English.

[Brucelog], Redditch, United Kingdom

That’s all very reasonable. It’s time we had a debate on this. Every time I try, the “PC Brigade” call me racist just because I happen to dislike all brown people and those cunts from Poland. It’s not racism, it’s “intelligent hating”.

Thanks to Céline for this rather fine effort from the “pay as you throw” HYS. I presume he’s replying to someone who suggests leaving packaging at the shop to avoid paying a tax on rubbish.

What will you leave at the shop then buying food so to avoid the tax?

The cooking instructions on a ready meal, made of cardboard and can be recycled free.

A plastic milk bottle ? And take the milk home in what?

An orange juice bottle? And take the juice home in what?

How about a cardboard cornflakes box? Hang on, guess what? Cardboard again, so it can be recycled free.

You could take the mice pies out of the box, and leave the plastic tray i supose, but the pies will get smashed

[Joe-Bristol], Bristol, United Kingdom

Your moving story about the pies reduced me to tears. What’s the point of recycling your mice as pies if the pies will only get smashed? It’s political correctness gone surreal.

Also Joe, I don’t want to show you up by actually thinking about the orange juice problem for 0.00032 seconds but wouldn’t it be possible to take along your own container? Maybe you could carry your juice home in it and then use it yet again when it’s empty! If I have any more completely original world-shattering ideas, I’ll make sure someone tattoos them 6 inches up your poop flue where you’ll be more likely to stumble across them.

So immigrants are wandering in to the country and buying all the houses and so creating a shortfall? Is this true? Use your brains and stop repeating the mantra..
The Everso Closely Guarded Line

Can you stop frothing for a minute and answer a simple question.

The UK population is set to go from 60-85 million in 20 years.
There will be a huge demand for houses over this time period.

Can you give me any reason why these facts aren’t directly linked, without resorting to abuse.
[UglyJohn]

No. You’re a horse’s cock and your breath smells like dogshit.

Thanks to Vanessa for finding this hilarious halfwit. Let us laugh at the racist simpleton.

The same old story - girl wants power, girl leaves and sulks, girl comes back to get power, men fight over girls right to power, all hell breaks lose thousands die. this has been going on for eternity in the east every time you have two different agendas at the top and will carry on until these people accept what is needed to be civilised.
about t ime, lostit, United Kingdom

It’s a timeless tale.

I also found this next one in a thread about hosepipe bans.

Is this to allow more imigrants in to this country as they said this week that the population will rise 15 million by 2050 and yet we have no resources for them let alone british people - why not compulsory purchase one of the valleys in south wales and put a dam accross it then we would have water and hydroelectric power for all - That might just be a bit to simple for this government.
about t ime, lostit, United Kingdom

Yes, the hosepipe ban is a vital component in the communist plot to have this country taken over by people with better tans.

And then I found this in “What is your favourite film of all time?”

It has to be Forest Gump because their is a little bit of him in all of us.
about t ime, lostit, United Kingdom

I think you got the “not very bright” bit.

Thanks to Lauren for finding this first post in the debate about vaccination against cervical cancer. It inspired me to go and look myself and then I found the others. Jesus.

I’m all for saving lives , but this is about a sexually transmitted virus and I suppose that when the school nurse gives the 12 yr olds their ‘morning after pills’, free condoms and their books on ’sex education’ , she can also tell them about the army of pederasts waiting outside the schools, rubbing their hands with glee at the state-sponsored sexualisation of schoolchildren.
Arthur Smedley, Carshalton Beeches,Surrey, United Kingdom

I too am in favour of saving lives but not if it means embarrassing some old men by talking about a lady’s special flower. It’s probably best if we just tie knots in their cocks and sew their fannies up.

Seems like a tacit admission that underage sex takes place and is to be an accepted part of Life.

Otherwise the vaccine would be administered at 15 going on 16.

Don’t get me wrong, it is good to see money spent on ourselves rather than housing for whoever manages to hitch a ride in a lorry etc., but I cannot get the idea out of my head that underage sex is expected of girls.
Lord Zakspade of Elbonia, Bucks, United Kingdom

Can’t get it out of your head eh? You know what that means don’t you? It means you’re a great big greasy paedo.

My concern is that cervical cancer rates might go up rather than down. The jab reduces but does not elimate the risk of cervical cancer. Women will still need to have regular smear tests.
It is possible that the next generation of adult females will neglect having smear tests and then the proportion of cervical cancer will actually rise as there are less smear tests.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

[GPforhire], Calverley, United Kingdom

I don’t give a dizzy fuck what your concerns are. You pompous twat. I bet you wear a pinstriped suit. You ridiculous little man.