Permanently Bewildered and Self-appointed Sages19 Nov 2007 04:48 pm

Hello, I’m Biblical

By Wellington

Hello

Marriage is the biblical way forward, and I think David Camerons new tax system, of encouraging marriage, is a good one.
However, I can understand why people do live together before marriage, as long as they keep the intercourse part of sex out until married, as again that is the Biblical way to be.

I come from a Christian family, where both parents, are so obviously still in love, we had a strong Christian upbringing, and excellent support to this day.

My parents are always there for me, and vise versa.

Homesexuallity is Biblically wrong, God said this for a reason, to protect mankind, this was done for protection purposes.

Miriam

Miriam Potter, Reading

It’s nice to see people resisting their biological urges and keeping themselves pure and innocent until their wedding day. That sort of thing gives God a boner. In fact, I think it’s in Exodus that the Lord says “But a man and a woman shall not lie with each other out of wedlock unless the man works his cock slowly in and out of her butt or unless the woman doth gobble his manhood in her mouth. For I decree that these acts are technically not actual proper sex. It may sound like a bit of a stupid distinction but, believe you me, if you’ve been abstaining since you hit puberty, you’re going to be grateful for the chance to do pretty much anything, even if you end up with a sore arse”.

6 Responses to “Hello, I’m Biblical”

  1. on 19 Nov 2007 at 5:49 pm   Rich

    I like the way she says “excellent support to this day” of her family, in the manner to which one might refer to a computer helpline.

  2. on 19 Nov 2007 at 5:56 pm   Andy

    Rich’s response, in the light (praise be!) of Miriam’s comment brings a whole new meaning to the old tech support phrase of “Have you tried turning it off and then, turning it back on again?”

  3. on 20 Nov 2007 at 4:33 am   Liam

    Miriam here should have a look at: http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/WhyCantIOwnACanadian_10-02.html

    It’s also Biblical to stone people who plant two crops in the same field to death, and sacrifice a bull every once in a while as God apparently likes the smell.

  4. on 21 Nov 2007 at 12:46 am   Ken

    “To protect mankind”?

    Blimey, I had no idea that God was really Robocop.

  5. on 27 Jun 2008 at 11:14 pm   James

    “Homesexuallity is Biblically wrong, God said this for a reason, to protect mankind, this was done for protection purposes.”

    Sex at home, always knew it was a sin.

  6. on 01 Aug 2008 at 3:37 pm   Oz

    What the fuck is up with all the commas?

    This woman makes me seethingly misanthropic.