Outsiders and Permanently Bewildered13 Dec 2007 12:32 pm

Fairy Land

By Nelson

Thanks to Chris Applegate for this one from the Evening Standard. It’s about a damaged tube train being repaired.

Metal has memory and as such “like will attract like” the energies of the bomb and the event that caused the damage will remain in the train - as such I do pray that the same energy will not attract another bomber. The very least that Bombardier should do is allow the train carriages to be blessed so that they are put back into service with a positive note and remove the negative energies of the past event.
- T Beckham, Kent

Don’t you know ANYTHING about physics?? Opposites attract. The negative energies of the bomb will attract positive things that DON’T explode. You dangerously ignorant fuck.

27 Responses to “Fairy Land”

  1. on 13 Dec 2007 at 2:48 pm   Josh Rogan

    You really are fucking stupid. David Beckham’s dad is allegedly called Ted so if it is you I sort of understand and you may as well stop reading now, it’ll only upset you.

    Contrary to your claim, bombs which go ‘BOOM!’ are in fact the result of a really complicated web of factors, the main of which is us going around the world stoking civil wars and generally tossing on the world. Hence: Bombs in Britain, America, Spain etc; No bombs in Germany, France etc. This can annoy people.

    IT IS NOT CAUSED BY BAD ENERGY ON THE LINE.

    Should i be blissfully wrong and you have not already spunked awful offspring, please take the time TODAY to eat your balls, I sense they have bad energy and by your reasoning it’s only a matter of time before they’ve attracted other like minded balls, and you’ll find yourself in some kind of terrible hexagon with them magnetically clamped to five other chaps’. Maybe even on the tube, that really pisses the Muslims off.

  2. on 13 Dec 2007 at 2:57 pm   Rogan Josh

    You could always get down to church though, I suppose, and dip them in the holy water.

  3. on 13 Dec 2007 at 4:28 pm   Gilbert Wham

    No, if he really wants to cleanse them, he should teabag a nun. It’s the only way to be sure.

  4. on 13 Dec 2007 at 4:32 pm   Mat

    Can I nominate Josh Rogan for inclusion on here? Jesus wept.

  5. on 13 Dec 2007 at 5:07 pm   Yusef

    I’ve always wondered what the phrase ‘jesus wept’ actually means. It’s dead satisfying to say when you’re all worked up and exasperated.

  6. on 13 Dec 2007 at 5:37 pm   Nelson

    Can I nominate Josh Rogan for inclusion on here? Jesus wept.

    I quite like his “no holds barred” approach but, yes, he does put me in mind of a man wearing the full bobble-hat and dressing gown combo, smoking skunk at 11am whilst contemplating an afternoon of “Counter Strike” on his PS2 (to prepare for the revolution).

    Josh, everytime you feel you might be about to use the internet, neck a diazepam and then wait a while. If the feeling hasn’t gone away after, say, 40 minutes, then a short post would probably be ok.

  7. on 13 Dec 2007 at 6:28 pm   Cayfox

    “the energies of the bomb and the event that caused the damage will remain in the train”

    It’s going to be a pretty rough ride for any poor commuter who happens to have psychic abilities.

  8. on 13 Dec 2007 at 6:44 pm   Josh Rogan

    Counter Strike? PS2? That’ll be the day. I can’t afford Squidgy Black never mind skunk. Still can’t believe i managed nearly 100 words on that post befoer security caught up with me in Dixons.

  9. on 13 Dec 2007 at 6:53 pm   Rich

    Josh, have you got ’skill’?

  10. on 13 Dec 2007 at 8:46 pm   Scaryduck

    Also, Josh: Are you a Benny tied to a tree?

  11. on 13 Dec 2007 at 9:06 pm   Nelson

    Still can’t believe i managed nearly 100 words on that post befoer security caught up with me in Dixons.

    They probably have photos of you on the staffroom wall in every Dixons in the country. Right next to the poster saying:
    “Tell Lies. All The Time. For No Reason”

  12. on 13 Dec 2007 at 9:18 pm   Yusef

    What’s a Benny?

  13. on 13 Dec 2007 at 10:07 pm   Nelson

    A man wearing a tea cosy.

  14. on 14 Dec 2007 at 1:33 am   Sophie

    I think it’s quite nice that Josh is trying to copy Nelson. Bless.

  15. on 14 Dec 2007 at 2:13 am   mangan

    Gosh, you are a bunch of cliquey twats, aren’t you?

  16. on 14 Dec 2007 at 3:06 am   Yusef

    My girlfriend had a reet cliquey twat last night. Thank god for febreeze.

  17. on 14 Dec 2007 at 12:18 pm   Josh Rogan

    I’ll just leave, it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I didn’t mean to step on any (clown shoe’d) toes.

  18. on 14 Dec 2007 at 1:06 pm   Nelson

    GET BACK IN THERE AND STEP ON THOSE SHOES. SHOW THOSE CLOWNS YOU MEAN BUSINESS.

  19. on 14 Dec 2007 at 3:43 pm   JC

    Josh dont go, you do seem a little overexcitable but I’m praying that someday soon you’ll meet our old friend Millie on the comments page and all hell will break loose.

  20. on 14 Dec 2007 at 4:00 pm   Padwick

    Mr No. 56 (Rogan Josh, pilau rice). Bombs which go “BOOM” are the result of energy being released as sound when the bomb combusts. Not this supposedly complicated web of factors you managed to summarise in a short paragraph.

    Jog on you si’

  21. on 14 Dec 2007 at 4:25 pm   Yusef

    Let’s move on, I think Rogan’s got the message and his heart’s in the right place. It’s starting to feel like we are standing in a circle pushing him around shouting ‘Benny’ and ‘Si’-is this cyber bullying?

  22. on 14 Dec 2007 at 4:46 pm   Rogan Josh

    Eh up,

    Aw, this is quite a storm brewing here, even Nelson’s mum has had to get involved (Hiya Sophie) but the best of all has to be the johnny-come-latelies bereft of an ounce of wit. I see we have the Watford Bugle’s very own Padwick on board and, may I say, you are just HEELARIOUS! ‘Mr No. 56′! That is just so fresh. Do yourself a favour though buddy and don’t put a link to your blog (its the same as this site only he has to do it alone from his dad’s laptop and without a sniff of humour, i hope), nobodys going to want to wash down cognac with kia-ora now, are they?

    Nice one to my renegade defenders but somehow I worry that we’re being sidetracked from the important job of belittling and chortling at the vast masses of twats living next door to us right now. This isn’t my webpage/blog etc and we (certain pricks) are in danger of becoming no funnier- or morally higher, either suits me- than HYS and its ilk.

    Let’s not forget that 20 comments ago some mong tried to say metal had a memory.

  23. on 14 Dec 2007 at 5:19 pm   Nelson

    Truth blud.

    Maybe I should set a max comment length of 4 characters. If only to stop myself posting anything longer than “Yeah”.

  24. on 14 Dec 2007 at 9:45 pm   sickrik

    I don’t know what that means

    but OOO HH YYEEEAAHH

  25. on 16 Dec 2007 at 8:48 pm   domino

    what was the question?

  26. on 17 Dec 2007 at 4:25 pm   Padwick

    Some good, constructive criticism. I like it. Succint and concise. I particularly enjoyed the investigative qualities of your research that added context to your post. Insightful gems, like including my home town and sharing with everyone that i have dad, really adds character and depth to your writing.

    Being as I’m 13 and i’m quite partial to the odd kia ora but Daddy banned you from coming over after your last performance. No more cordial for you, until you act more cordial (GEDDIT!!).

    I’d love to hear more of your views so please get in contact with me. Shouldn’t be too hard seeing as you know enough about me already.

    x x

  27. on 07 Jan 2008 at 12:09 am   westie

    metals DO have memories.
    does no-one remember Tommy Steel with his Half a Sixpence, or Gold by Spandex Belly, or Hi Ho Silver or Rin Tin Tin or Any old iron or that dairylea triangles are Calciyummy ??? Oh yes, metals have memories alright, many fond memories of happy evenings spent poring over my periodic table & Razzle.