Grief Athletes23 Jan 2008 12:41 pm

Something That Worries Us

By Nelson

Heath Ledger found dead.

The cause of death is something that worries us all. Was he stupid enough to take his own life or had he developed a drug problem or was it an incredibly tragic accident?
Either way, it was a nasty surprise to hear of his death upon getting into work this morning.
RIP
Andrew Bannerman, Cleethorpes

Thanks Andy! What’s your opinion on beige? What do you think about happiness? Do you like being happy? How do you imagine Heath’s family feel now? Do you think they’re sad? What did you have for lunch yesterday? How many teeth have you got? What’s the circumference of your thumb? Can you let me know exactly what colour your lips are? Mine are probably a little pinker than most. Some people’s are almost grey! What’s your opinion on lips? Do you like biscuits? What do you think about shitting? I mean, I sort of like it but I wouldn’t want to have to do it all day. Would you hate to be covered in shit? I would. Have you got any pets? What do you think about Britney? What do you think Nigella Lawson’s tits weigh?

24 Responses to “Something That Worries Us”

  1. on 23 Jan 2008 at 12:53 pm   Coyote

    The sad thing is all of those questions would be massively popular HYS topics.

  2. on 23 Jan 2008 at 1:42 pm   Monty

    A medal the size of a frying pan to the first person to find a post in that HYS linking Heath Ledger’s death to immigration.

  3. on 23 Jan 2008 at 1:44 pm   dogbeak

    I cleaned my monitor for the first time in about five years and was disappointed to find out it was originally beige. Asylum. Its a good thing when you can attain it without acting the cunt. Yeah, there’s worse things to do. Probably rather dreadful, I’d imagine! Immigrants! Certainly! Cheese and pesto butties. Not enough, and the ones I have are ropey as fuck. Dunno, about three feet? NuLab! I don’t walk around with a tape measure, you know! My lips are sort of a pink colour. Lips are ace, but I don’t like it when things go wrong (e.g. a coldsore!)! I like Ginger Crunch Creams. McStalin! Shitting can be a pleasure, except for when I’ve been drinking Gulden Draak. Totalitarianism! I wouldn’t want to be covered in shit, no! Unless it was a sexy lady’s! Lol! If Britney was a bloke, and it was 20/30 years ago, she’d be one of the greatest human beings to have ever lived. Probably about a kilo each?

    There you are.

  4. on 23 Jan 2008 at 2:31 pm   domino

    dear god, the grief athletes are out in force on this one - “utterly devastated” “late for work because I was so upset” “couldn’t stop crying”

    Christ…

  5. on 23 Jan 2008 at 2:58 pm   wiccabasket

    Exactly. He was very pretty, but let’s face it, it’s not as though he’s Johnny Depp now is it?

  6. on 23 Jan 2008 at 3:15 pm   Nelson

    I have this nagging suspicion that my missus would leave me for Johnny Depp in a heartbeat.

    Well, it’s more of “something we discussed” than a suspicion.

  7. on 23 Jan 2008 at 3:32 pm   Dai Infidel

    Re: Finding a comment linking Heath Ledger’s death with immigrant’s, how about this?

    Added: Wednesday, 23 January, 2008, 24:02 GMT 00:02 UK

    This is like Brando dieing in post production of On The Waterfront, Terry Gilliam & Hollywood in general is in disarray.

    2 of the 5 great actors of the last 20 years (along with River Phoenix) die young, no offense to Lenardo by River is along with Heath to two great lost hopes.

    WHAT A VOICE, WHAT CARISMA

    Darcy McCallum, Hobart, Tasmania

    Well, Terry Gilliam’s an immigrant, isn’t he?

  8. on 23 Jan 2008 at 3:33 pm   Dai Infidel

    Apologies for the stray apostrophe up there.

  9. on 23 Jan 2008 at 4:45 pm   zym

    Yeah, but its not like he was the 1953 Man United team, is it?

  10. on 23 Jan 2008 at 4:47 pm   scousebusterbill

    nigellas tits weigh approximately a metric ton apiece.

  11. on 23 Jan 2008 at 6:49 pm   :-)

    I have no idea who Heath Ledger is. Or, more accurately, was.

    Anyone important?

  12. on 23 Jan 2008 at 8:07 pm   Richard "ReallyWorried" Rubin

    Excuse me Nelson, Something That Worries Us!

    I thought I was the only guy doing the worry thing online.

    Sounds like something you ripped from my site.

    ReallyWorried.com

  13. on 23 Jan 2008 at 8:09 pm   Richard "ReallyWorried" Rubin

    Actually I quite like that - Something That Worries Us.

    I think I might introduce that on my site.

    Thank Nelson.

  14. on 23 Jan 2008 at 9:03 pm   Nelson

    Nice.

    You should trademark the words “Worried” and “Worry”. Then anyone who starts to WorryTM would have even more to WorryTM about cos they’ll know that Richard "ReallyWorriedTM" Rubin is going to come and sue their sorry ass.

  15. on 24 Jan 2008 at 10:09 am   Richard "ReallyWorried" Rubin

    Nelson, you are a bloody genius. I could be a millionaire.

    That geezer who sang ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’- he’s first on the list.

  16. on 24 Jan 2008 at 12:53 pm   John

    Bobby McFerrin? Get him Richard!

  17. on 24 Jan 2008 at 10:58 pm   773

    Nigella’s teats may well weigh a ton each, but I reckon they’re pretty empty. Unfasten the bra and they’d drop like condemned men at the gallows.

    I have nothing to say about Keith Ledger, or Bobby McFerrin for that matter. You hear me? I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT I HAVE NO OPINION ABOUT THE DEATH OF KEITH LEDGER. HE MEANT NOTHING TO ME.

  18. on 28 Jan 2008 at 12:52 am   Concerned...

    Shit! Did some one say Keith Chegwin had died?

    Tragic.

  19. on 29 Jan 2008 at 9:52 pm   Mog

    Never ever eat a full meal of homemade bugger and chips whilst reading this. Especially when said burgers have ketchup and mustard on them and little slices of those weird pickled cucumbers on them. Ah yes. Gherkins. Very American.

    Who do I send the repair bill for my laptop to? Oh and the cleaning bill for the carpet and a further bill for the psychiatrist who will have to be called to calm my dog down? Alas, also very American.

  20. on 29 Jan 2008 at 9:53 pm   Mog

    And now I will have to suffer the ignominy of eating buggers for my tea on my very first post. C’est la vie.

  21. on 01 Feb 2008 at 4:54 am   Alan

    @ 773,

    Yeah but they would drop right into MY FACE - mmmmm….

    I too am devastated by the state of devastation people are in over the death of Heath Ledger - sort of a meta-devastation if you like.

  22. on 02 Feb 2008 at 5:24 pm   t rasa

    Heath Ledger’s death sent a thrust-fault shear wave rippling outward from the death scene that created a forty foot base wave atomizing everything in it’s path for hundreds of miles, stopped the flow of the Mississippi River for over an hour and changed the angular momentum of the planet by 3.14159 orders of magnitude. Or… order of magnitudes depending upon your individual translation of the Copenhagen Snoose Box Interpolation.

    Americans will never shake off the sense of foreboding and guilt caused by this sudden, unexpected and tragic passing, even after the inevitable apotheosis and transmogrification. They will forever remain empty shucks helplessly awaiting a redemption that will never come because they caused it to happen. Keith was never deified or worshipped to the extent he deserved. I am dessicated. Woe is us.

  23. on 02 Feb 2008 at 5:54 pm   t rasa

    Oh yeah! I’m an immigrant so I win. Fuck the medal, send me the frying pan.

  24. on 02 Feb 2008 at 10:39 pm   t rasa

    His name was Keith,
    he called himself Heath
    but everyone knew him
    as Gilbert.