Delusions of Grandeur04 Feb 2008 07:40 pm
By Nelson
I’m not going to be around much this week. I might get a chance to post a few bits. Maybe Wellington will post something. I’m gutted to be missing Animal Fanny Tuesday. I was going to call somebody a “Lobster Twat”.
49 Responses to “Away”
Noooooooooo…. how can we miss that?
Have fun whatever you’re doing.
How will we know what to think for the next 7 days?
‘Lobster twat’ won’t keep us going for that long y’know!
I was also really looking forward to the hilarity that will be buried amongst the comments about putting those scrounging caaaarncil house tenants on the streets if they don’t buck up and get themselves a job.
It’s a SYB bonanza topic, presenting the opportunity for all categories of nincompoop, right down to the ‘if you like council houses so much….’
This is terrible timing. They’ve just launched a “should scroungers be sent down the salt mines?” question. There are lobster twats crawling out from every damp rock in the land.
and its filling up with solid gold:
“I remeber a report not long ago that stated that 8 out of 10 jobs were going to immigrants.Is this a new ploy to release more housing for the immigrants.
chris gabopentin”
8 out of 10!
its full of people complaining that the local dolescum have better lifestyles than them – surely the answer is to stop being a fucking peasant? ted maul would fucking sort them out.
wow, you’re right, this was the first comment –
“when i see how much I pay out on bills, yet all the local council houses have just had new kitchens, central heating and bathrooms, it makes me wonder why I bothered buying a house. And that’s the problem with the people who choose to live in council houses and not work, they get paid everything, so an incentive IS needed or they’ll never get out of the rut, waste their lives away and the rest of us will pay for it and get even more jealous!!!
aldonso, doncaster”
If you like council houses so much why don’t you go live there?
Dogbeak – is that Chris complaining about scrounging Brits’ money being given to hard-working immigrants? Gold!
They just want the houses empty so that they can place all new immigrants. Britain is for the British first New Labour seem to have forgotton this.
[happybriab123], Ellesmere, United Kingdom
Oh it just gets so much better. Why oh why did you have to go and miss this one Nelson? It is so classic. I’m enthralled. There’s pages and pages of this shit. Don’t fret, It will still be going when you get back.
fuck that, i’ve got my beak (so to speak) stuck into the cannabis debate.
such a classic example of both sides of an argument being completely wrong.
These comments are almost as good as an update from Nelson…but I still think it was irresponsible for him to have a week off given the veritable delights out there today.
Keep them coming. Saves me getting off my arse this week.
I suppose you want us to give you a council house too, Wellington.
Ah! Dogbeak. Thanks so much for putting me on to the Cannabis debate. I couldn’t help plucking these gems from obscurity:
The use of cannabis in the form smoke may cause the rise of new forms of cancer and increase existng rate. People who smoke it, always say i’m not harming anyone, but all i can hear is me me me me. What happens to your family if you get cancer and die, whoses going to foot the bill of treatment, society loses your knowledge to early, whoses going to look after your family. At the end of the day lifes to short for it.
Adam swarbrick
Miserable illiterate fuckjob. Amazing that a cannabis critic can actually come across as being utterly stoned in print.
This one however had me chuckling like a reefer mad student on a wet Tuesday afternoon:
We can’t really deny that smoking too much bud has it’s problem, my mate got sectioned last year, although there were other factors involved the cannabis was probably at least an accelerant. The argument is that are these problems are no worse than those attributed to alcohol abuse. Personally I’m a much nicer and less aggresive person when I’m stoned rather than drunk.
Unfotunately I can’t seem to get any at the moment so I guess I’ll be brining out my larey drunk side a little more.
[Boonting]
What’s your point Boonting or is it so long since you started it, you can’t remember.
This is a classic ‘Why not have a system where you are given a job to do instead of being given money for doing nothing. There are plenty of jobs that would benefit society as well as making them feel useful. Cleaning the streets, picking up litter, removing graffiti, tidying our parks, cleaning street signs and bollards etc.’ (Thus putting those who do do the job out of work no doubt)One HYS Pollock brain claims that Britain is becoming a ‘Communist Fascist State’ reminds me of the days when I was an anarcho trotskyist
” What happens to your family if you get cancer and die, whoses going to foot the bill of treatment”
Actually, there are a limited number of treatments available for death, and they’re all quite cheap.
I’m never leaving another comment on here until you use the phrase ‘Albatross Axe Wound’.
The ball is in your court.
That a challenge, sir? Hey everyone, bit of peace and quiet if no-one uses the phrase Albatross… er no I’m not saying it.
Slow readers/Curtain twitchers alert: There’s a HYS about fluoride being added to drinking water. Currently, of the six most recommended posts, four attempt to use the word fluoride. All of them spell it wrong. This is despite it being spelt correctly in both the title of the HYS, and several times in the HYS description. Despite being unable to read or spell, the HYSers are all scientific experts, and have managed to Google “flouride” to find scare stories which terrify them enough to squawk about in fear on the HYS board before hiding in terror under the bed. The top most recommended post even thinks David Icke may have been right about the evil “flouride”.
There’s me thinking that all this racist right wing leaning by the BBC was just a fanciful conspiracy perpetuated by all here. Well how wrong I was and I humbly apologise. It wasn’t even a post or two in HYS, but bizarrely gardeners’ question time. Item 7229041 and the black man’s willy. Oh yes you can just here all those HYSers squealing and screaming down the phone line to the complaints department. Utter class.
Found this thoughtful piece on the HYS on the death of the Maharishi –
“The man was a channel for satan the god of this world. He was an enemy of the Cross of Jesus Christ and led people away from true personal salvation. One second after they die they will change their mind about the guru, but then it will be too late.
Jesus Christ is God with us. Jesus Christ was the one and only true pathway to salvation for sinners. All men were born with the sin nature of Adam and must come to Jesus to be born again. Ready for heaven. ********
Rev. Robert L. Bufkin, Jonesboro AR”
I particularly like the way the reverend ends with an eight letter swear word.
Sorry hear not here. Just having a HYS moment. Further apologies.
“Rev. Robert L. Bufkin, Jonesboro AR”
Oh this ranting, fire spitting reverend from deep Arkansas has a whole ministry industry going, complete with pulpit thumping website and self help healing guides. Welcome to the free world reverend and all the competition that goes with it. Even I don’t know of any 8 letter swear words unless you join them together, such as dogscock, for instance.
“I was into this eastern religion once but did not find it a path to spiritual enlightenment at all
phil, rotorua”
Into? Into? What a solid gold lobsters twat. One for you Nelson.
How has no-one noticed the great eBay negative feedback debate? My favourite so far…
If ebay takes away the right to leave a bad feedback I will stop using ebay.
When buying I aways look at a sellers rep before proceeding. If it is not 100% I look at how far away it is and what negative comments have been left and the sellers reply to them.
Feedback is the only defence against comboy sellers.
[Brainman1967], Sutton Coldfield, United Kingdom
Wasn’t the comboy some cheap Taiwanese game console or something? And I particularly like the way he hasn’t noticed that you’ll still be able to leave negative feedback about sellers – shame he’s not so fastidious about reading the stories he comments on as he is about checking feedback before he bids on the Complete Works of Gary Bushell (with foreword by Richard Littlejohn).
Mr Blackett, I’m personally waiting for “quail’s quim” (unless anyone can think of a better animal beginning with q)
And one from the irony department:
“Where there is no criticism, there can be no praise that is of any value or meaning.
[gin_and_tonic_please]
Recommended by 34 people”
Q. Do you feel broke?
A. Well, I still have cheques left in my chequebook, so I mustn’t be!!
Seriously, the cost of living in the UK is out of control. I’ve had to postpone my trip home to visit my family in the summer, I can’t afford it, the exchange rate is crazy and the prices in the shops have really increased. You should think about moving over here to the US, your pounds will go further.
[Yesmulady], United States
Broke? Well the mortgage company says I can borrow more money so I musn’t be!!!
“Quite simply, no, it should not. I want water coming out of my taps, not water with a lot of other chemicals that have been added for ‘my own good’. Once fluoride is added then what next I wonder ? If people want fluoride then they can brush their teeth like the rest of us, instead of getting nanny to do it for them.
Adrian Mugridge, Chester, United Kingdom”
Quite right Adrian, I mean what’s next: CHLORINE?
@ Mog
Bollocks.
@Mog and John
And “Fuuuuuck” if you’re falling off a building.
Heh. I just loved the way it would make it “Ready for heaven. Bollocks
Rev. Robert L. Bufkin, Jonesboro AR”
Although I guess “Ready for heaven. Fuuuuuck
Rev. Robert L. Bufkin, Jonesboro AR”
Is pretty good too
From the Super Tuesday HYS:
The winner is already won don’t you know . . .
can you spell Ron Paul, or even – media control/blackout
etc etc yawn etc
james, sussex
Twat.
I cant let this one go either:
When the chips are down, I will vote for McCain.
Zorba Eisenhower
Genius.
from the prostitution thread:
“If sex was made legal, it would only be taxed to death like everthing else in the UK”
Pete Owens, Ruthin
from the Contraception thread:
”
A condom is not primarily a contraceptive, it is for greedy adults who want to have sex but want to reduce the chance of getting AIDs.”
Chris Smith, Norwich, United Kingdom
On the teenage contraception debate
“Vasectomy for all males who father the teenage pregnancy, unless they want to work and support the child and mother.”
Wen Wy, London
Do the words horse, stable, and bolted spring to mind?
Wen Wy forgot to add that the little slappers should all have their fannies sewn shut until they are 16 just to make sure. That’ll stop the yoof nobbing each other.
Again, on the teenage contraception debate
“Find out the reasons why they get pregnant, then get rid of the reasons.”
AJ, Leeds
Indeed. Castration and overy removal at birth. Especially for the brown people.
I’ve just been pointed to this delightful one on the Sun’s forums.
I can’t help but think that this really is like pointing and laughing at the special bus but still…
http://www.thesun.co.uk/discussions/posts/list/Russians~44~_Polish_etc_Immigrants~33~-35225.page
From the pages of b3ta.com/talk
http://www.b3ta.com/talk/4435796
“I’m not saying they are better, but you have to consider people’s feelings.
They become resentful when there’s not enough to go around, but the goverment spends on foreigners.”
That’s beautiful, Neil:
Bless! Mind you, getting angry at stories every day is tiring.
Should Britain adopt some aspects of sharia law HYS:
“Do not relate to the justice system”.
Well perhaps they should go somewhere else where they can RELATE to the justice system.
Warus, Birmingham
‘Nuff said.
This man should be sacked.Why does a church leader (and a “Christian” one at that presume he can dictate to English Law.This is a Christian country and our laws reflect that . If you want Sharia Law , or French Law or German Law , go and live there. Leave us in peace with our own
Peter Warwick, Swindon
And again. However on flip side:
“there’s one law for everybody… I think that’s a bit of a danger”. Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury.
Nice one Rowan, credulous nincompoop, permanently bewildered, plain weird or all of the above?
I can just imagine Rowan at school:
Master “Williams! Stop Talking at the back! You think its one rule for you and one for everyone else don’t you”
Dr RW “Yes sir i think that would be entirely appropriate”
This is proof that the Archbishop reads spEak You’re bRanes. There’s no reason he could have made such a statement other than to inflame the reactionary nutters on HYS. Form an orderly queue, the good doctor will see you all shortly.
“If you love sharia so much why don’t you go live there”
http://www.bbc.co.uk/manchester/have_your_say/2002/11/16/myra_hindley.shtml
MYRA HINDLEY STILL LIVES!
and what’s more, logic chases it’s own tail:
“From Norman, West kirby
If we release some people for Murder then we should release them all, regardless of the circumstances. The family of the murdered person feels as much pain as those of the families of the victims of Hindley and Brady. So I say don’t release them at all but if we release one then release them all.”
(how the fuck do I make those lovely quote bubbles?)
from the sharia law thread:
“Added: Friday, 8 February, 2008, 21:47 GMT 21:47 UK
As expected, the apologists for this idea immediately play the “racist” card whilst trumpeting the need for open discussion. Does anyone else see the hypocrisy? The ploy is designed to offend and silence the free thinking majority while providing disproportionate air time for a minority who’s ideas would never leave the ground in the face of overwhelming opposition. The ridiculous suggestion is that there is something fundamentally wrong with being white, Anglo-Saxon and in the majority camp.
Peter, Adelaide, Australia ”
All that time you thought he was just another racist and it turns out he’s from the gay rights movement.
I apologise for my fellow countryman:
“I think the archbishop is being treated very fairly as his ideas od adobting muslim laws or watever he means in bang oot of order. why should britain try to accomadate immigrants with these laws because if we (as brittish citizens) were to go to there country, would the government jump left, right and centre for us? no they wouldnt. So if they are coming to this country to seek a better life why should they bring part of that country here? His comment is Bang oot!! Calum, Edinburgh
Calum, Edinburgh, Scotland “