Thanks to Andy. Sharia law anyone?
Oh great so which aspects of Sharia law shall we adopt? Can we pick and choose? We will have the floggings, but nothing more vile. I dont think so. Its all or nothing. How can a Nation come together if we are all following different Laws. Sharia law is already practiced in this country by defult. What happened to equality, for all women in this Country? What happened to LENT and PANCAKE DAY. It is never mentioned in the media. All we here about is the Chinese New Year.
sue, uckfield
Do you ever walk into a shop thinking “Oooh, I must get some eggs. Maybe half a dozen” and yet inexplicably find yourself, two minutes later, standing amongst the wreckage of a magazine display-rack, cornflakes in your hair, the shopkeeper cowering and weeping behind the counter whilst you scream “I’M THE FUCKING DADDY NOW”?
31 Responses to “Lent”
Are the same people who are horrified at the thought of Sharia Law the same ones who want to bring back flogging for people who break their ASBOs?
It would have to be good, stout Christian flogging, and none of this barbarous and heathen foreign rubbish, obviously.
Didn’t Jesus invent Sharia law?
Yes. Yes he did.
He still gets a fiver in commission every time somebody gets stoned.
Bloody Chinese New Year. Must those Muslim bastards ruin everything, with their dragons and burkas and red lanterns and honour killings? Next time you have egg fried rice or spring rolls, just stop for a minute to think if you might be SUPPORTING TERRORISM.
Coo, he must be loaded; they’re all on the skunk round our way.
*coat*
I want to know what Atom John’s take on all this is. Maybe he is too livid with rage and is rabidly sticking pins in his Nelson Mandela voodoo doll.
Or of course, wanking like a chimp.
Although Sue spelt it wrong, I can’t find ‘Fuckfield’ on Multimap.
Hello,
Jacqui Smith here, just thought I’d drop by to tell you: you’re all a bunch of cocks.
Hi Jacqui,
Pat here! Long time no speak! How have you been? Any word on whether i’ll be allowed back into the cabinet? Just kidding, but seriously, let me know.
When can I eat your muff again, you teeny, tiny pocket rocket? I loved chowing down on you when we were meant to be a select committee meetings. I promise i won’t draw blood this time. Txt me.
Love Pat Hewitt.
I must go inform my girlfriend at once, because that last comment, and its vile image of Jacqui Smith and Patricia Hewitt munching carpet, has put me off sex forever and I’m going to become a celibate monk to try and extricate it from my mind.
Well done, whoever you are.
Hi Pat,
How are things in the dole queue you old crab’s cleft? But seriously, there might be a peerage available to a candidate who is willing to support my new terrorism bill. It’s entitled:
‘Mandatory police fisting for all brown people and dole-claiming darkies’
The public are loving it, it’s just the Lords might give us some trouble. Want to be my bitch again, this time for real? I’ll shit in your mouth if it helps sweeten the deal.
Love,
Jacqui.
I’d just like to point out that the, frankly fucking disgusting discourse, above has no bearing on reality.
The characters above are fictional and have no relation to real people, living or dead. Seriously, we’re sick, messed up people and you shouldn’t even be reading this. Let alone taking offense at it and suing the shit out of us.
No animal fanny this Tuesday? We were promised a lobster twat at some stage, and I’m still waiting.
Have the immigrants eaten it or something?
“Do you ever walk into a shop thinking “Oooh, I must get some eggs. Maybe half a dozen” and yet inexplicably find yourself, two minutes later, standing amongst the wreckage of a magazine display-rack, cornflakes in your hair, the shopkeeper cowering and weeping behind the counter whilst you scream “I’M THE FUCKING DADDY NOW”?”
Yes. Yes I do. What of it? Can a man not express himself freely anymore in this once-proud nation? You boot-faced puritans make me sick. Except for the Home secretary, the filthy whore.
WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE PANCACKES!
“pancake day”? doesn’t she mean “shrove tuesday”? MINUS TEN WHITEBRITISHCHRISTIAN POINTS!
Arsenuts, dustbuster.
Such occurrences are normal to Uckfield.
Hi Jacqui,
Sorry for the late reply hun, I was out cracking crackhead’s heads and ever since has been trying to destroy the DNA. The dole queue isn’t so bad just full of wogs and Irish travellers.
Peerage you say! That’s right up my alley (and you know what that looks like) how I do set about “achieving” one?
Yours (anally)
Pat
I bet my cock is bigger than every terrorists cock.
Hi again Patty-poos,
We’ll start out with me shitting in your mouth, then just take it from there. That’s basically how all peerages are given out.
I had better eat lots of All Bran between now and our next meeting. All that fibre makes my turds big, stinky and golden brown. Just like a house full of Pakis!
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me,
Jacqui.
Please stop. I’m losing the will to post anything.
Petpete: I once stood next to Bin Laden in the urinals at Highbury’s Clock End. He’s hung like a gnat.
A gnat
I once queued for ages for the bog at London Bridge. There was only three spaces at the urinal cos the fourth was occupied by a bloke who seemed to be doing a 15 minute piss. When I finally got to the urinal, I was stood next to him and did an actual double-take at the enormous size of his cock. Then it slowly dawned on me that he had a semi on and was having a loooong slow wank at the urinal as everyone else came and went. I looked up at his face and he grinned at me so disarmingly that I couldn’t help grinning back. I expect he’s an MP now.
The George Michael video for his hit song ‘Fastlove’ is actually really good and a little bit dirty.
He had a long slow wank on a policeman or something.
Actually its not fastlove…its that one that goes;
“Lets go outside,
(Lets go outside)
In the moonlight
I know you want to but you can’t say yes
Lets go outside
(Lets go outside)
In the sunshine,
Take me to the places that I love best”
I think its called Outside.
I fucking love George Michael.
Can I just say “Grinning like a wanking Jap”?
Cheers.
This is the best series of posts ever.
I need brain bleach. This is not good.
Sharia Law lives next door to me, what’s she been up to now?
Here’s a PROPER fucking story about Sharia law. Not this namby-pamby self serving drivel. We should adopt it immediately.
http://dementia.za.net/judeye/cast-the-first-stone/