Thanks to Gareth and Phoebe who both spotted Derek Bells.
I can’t believe any of you OPPOSE this idea. It beggars belief, really it does. Anyone would think you wanted to have a terrorist murder you in your beds at night!!!
I think that once you get arrested for ANY crime you should have a microchip implanted into you that enables the police to monitor you. They could locate the nearest criminals to a major crime and do their jobs better.
Glad to see The Sun is campaigning to Bring Back Hanging this week!!!! Common sense AT LAST!!!
Derek Bells, London, United Kingdom
Why not just designate one chap (a foreign gentleman, perhaps) who’s responsible for ALL crimes? Everytime a crime gets committed we’d just extend his sentence by another year or so. We could save on prison costs too!
The DNA Database is an absolute must! The sooner we have it the sooner the children can sleep safer in their little beds.
I can’t even begin to comprehend why anybody could oppose such a sensible idea. The way I see it is as clear as day - you would only oppose this if you were involved in criminal activity or were friends of criminals.
Make this happen Gordon Brown OR ELSE!
Derek Bells, London, United Kingdom
Or else Derek will come and shit himself in your front garden.
I like to think that Derek wraps up every soundly reasoned argument with a pithy exclamation at the top of his lungs. DOGS COCK!
I read somewhere that human DNA and turnip DNA are 95% similar.
Derek gives this statistic credence.
Do terrorists murder people in their beds, though? I think they tend to oprate on a larger scale than that.
When Derek’s device is invented (I’m calling it a Crimotector) will look like an ordinary radar screen. Green blips for minor offenders (parking offences) to red blips for peedoze. Added bonus, police officers could press a button and give every crim in a specified radius electric shocks. Common sense AT LAST !!!!
Derek has revealed a future terrorist plot here, to murder the little children in their little beds. OR ELSE
jesus christ, this isn’t even funny
what an utterly depressing cunt
The Balls Crimotector (TM) had better work better than the Tom-Tom device I hired from Avis last summer, OR ELSE!
Gordon Brown must be seriously concerned about the number of human/turnips making vague threats towards him.
Or maybe he sleeps soundly in his little bed, I dunno.
Anyway, yay to The Sun, huh?
You make it sound like shitting in people’s gardens is A Bad Thing.
Derek seems to be a bit obsessed with people’s beds at night, and children. He needs implanting with my patented Paedo Detector Chip, that allows angry mobs to instantly explode the nearest paedophile with a simple button press.
edit: sorry, OR ELSE.
I think, like anything else, it depends on how it’s done. There are some people who could crap in my garden and I’d only thank them. Claire Danes springs to mind. She could fertilise my buddleia any time.
You’d better add the delusions of grandeur category to this post, OR ELSE!
My cats all have chips in them, so that if they get run over the vet knows who to call to settle the bill for surgery/extermination/disposal. Why not do the same for all newborns combined with a simple swipe of DNA?
Any government could spend ninety hundred billion on a ‘hi-tech’ computer system to keep all the data nice and safe, and in say twenty years or so, we could do without a police force altogether. For those not registered at birth, anyone who went to collect their dole, or renew a passport or perhaps buy a stamp, would be chipped in a matter of seconds.
Instead of all that tedious, expensive and time consuming ‘investigation’ and ‘trial’ nonsense, anyone who is a victim of crime could simply phone into an automated freephone number, say exactly what happened and when and then the computer would identify which individual was in the location and dish out the appropriate punishment directly.
Instant Justice, see.
For rapists their cock might just melt off, criminals would have their fingers explode one by one like fireworks. Hedge fund managers could just be given frequent bouts of intolerable pain - easy.Cheating husbands and wives could be instantly sterilised. Its so brilliant and versatile.
Of course there could be some kind of appeal process that involves writing in stating your reasons for complaint or something, for those who will still seek to avoid the law.
Just as long as they dont do something daft like introduce that nasty barbaric Sharia law nonsense, eh. Home Secretary, do it - OR ELSE.
I think I speak for all right-thinking people when I say that pre-emptive hanging is the way forward. Simply hang everyone. Immediately. Voila - the crime rate will drop like a man on the end of a piece of rope.
OR ELSE
Well done Philbert. I can’t believe any of you OPPOSE that idea. It beggars belief, really it does. Anyone would think you wanted to have a terrorist murder you in your beds at night!!!
Common sense AT LAST !!!
This solution is perfect. Criminals can be punished by taking their DNA sample and cloning them, then giving the resulting precious kiddywinkie to a paedo. Result: my Tarquin is safe, and the criminally-inclined clones will be too busy to think about comitting any crimes.
I’m pretty sure Derek Bells is a pastiche. Pretty sure. It would be just too depressing to think he was real.
We should put mircochips in people Derek Bell (you sure his surname is Bell and not bellend?) so everytime they write bollocks they get an electric shock.
Anyone with common sense also knows the Sun is a shit paper.
Potentially the Al Qeada exploding duvet plot ?
ANY non Dambusting type Brit who has links with the bedding industry should be immediately imprisoned.
OPPOSE ANY OR ELSE AT LAST
The Al Qaida exploding duvet plot, or, as the media are calling it, ‘Al Qaida-down’.
Sensible policies for a better tomorrow Derek, but you need to sort out the confusion, are we chipping criminals or hanging them to do both seems wasteful.
He is however onto something - small beds for children, to give them normal sized beds, or god-forbid double beds is to INVITE the paedos in. It’s luncay and it HAS TO STOP.
This is made even more absurd by the fact that actually The Sun wasn’t campaigning for or even supporting the death penalty.
The majority of its editorial/comment pages on the issue came out *against* it. It was The Sun *readers* that were for it.
So showing the average reading comprehension of a Sun reader there as well as demonstrating his ability to come up with well thought out and sensible policies that aren’t at all stupid, honestly.
Actually Gordo and I were rather plumping for both these marvellous suggestions and Sharia Law.
With this everyone’s happy. Neat, eh?
Hi Jacqui!
Can i head the department for DNA? I’ve had my six months in political quarantine and I’m ready to fuck more things up to take the heat of Comrade Gordo.
Stuart booth is understood to be considering Derek for the position of home secretary when Stuart envokes the fourth Reich
This person is just too much…
http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/profile.jspa?userID=11136981&edition=2&ttl=20080303120435
Bring back hanging for but only for idiotic cocksuckers called Derek Balls - OR ELSE!!
“Why can’t people use public transport? Doing so would mean NO parking and would also reduce the carbon blueprint that we hear so much about these days.
I personally like to take the train to my hospital. It’s just a shame the trains these days are in such a poor state - covered as they are in empty bottles, contraceptive sheaths and dog much.”
Wonderful.
“and doing the sex at such a young age it is dangerous AND DEMORALISING!
Children are such a precious commodity it is nearly impossible to put a price on their well being. It is high time we BAN immoral cartoons that poison and pollute their minds in to thinking it is a good thing to STAB people and sniff cannabis and heroins.
Gordon Browns and his party have neglected their duty towards our children. PULL YOUR FINGER OUT GORDON AND ACT NOW!!!!”
Actually, this is much better, what with the doing the sex, sniffing cannabis and heroins, and the final threat.
The current admissions system clearly doesn’t work and anyone that says otherwise is clearly MAD!
My children were all rejected from the local comprehensive and have to commute for nearly two and a half hours every day. Local asylum seekers and illegal immigrants are given PRIORITY for places in all schools at the expense of talented local kids.
IT’S VERY UPSETTING!
Is it the local authority’s fault your kids are thick, Derek? I think not. I think we can exactly where the fault lies there. CAPITALS.
DEBATE:Should governments block websites?SENT:26-Feb-2008 11:05COMMENT:
Governments have a duty of protection for their people. It is high time Gordon Browns gets tough and sorts out the massive problem caused by bad internets in schools.
When every crackpot in the land is free to say anything (and everything) in a public forum you have anarchy on your hands and I for one didn’t fight for my country to live like under this tacit communism.
………………..
Love him to bits, I really do.
I’m starting to agree.
He claims in one comment that he didn’t fight for his country to live under this tacit communism.
But in another he bemoans his children getting the train to comprehensive.
So how old would he be?
He also capitalises a lot and uses an amazing amount of humourous statistics.
I sense some sort of new wave Henry Root at work. Which is a relief because as a real person he is extremely worrying.
Dammit, I finally worked out how to do the nice quote thing (it’s <blockquote> by the way) and I forgot to put my comment OUTSIDE the quote. FIX THIS NOW GORDON BROWNS!
This dude is great he thinks Rev Ian Paisely was part of the IRA!
And also Derek Bell has had quite a career I gather from his coments as:
- Working in a mill
- Working on a farm
- Was in the army and served in Ireland fighting IRA members like Rev Ian Paisely
- A cabbie who was great mates with Amy Winehouse’s dad
- Worked int he Post Office
and now has a new career as a bullshiter on HYS
Derek Bells: “As it stands The USA, Australia and UK consume some 18% of the worlds food in spite of only having 8% of the worlds population. I see where a solution lies. Stop the greed. Stop eating French food. SORTED!”
of course, stop eating french food. OR ELSE! the solution is so obvious now he’s pointed it out. SORTED!
This guy has to be a piss take.
How can he have served in Northern Ireland, and think Paisley was in the IRA, the ridiculous cuntcandle?
He’s right about the French, mind.
If every soldier understood whose war they were actually fighting and why, there’d be none left.
Steady on, Nelson, that was almost a serious point. Let’s keep it frivolous, yeah?