spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Julia. On Zimbabwe again.

WHO CARES! Surely we should get fair elections in the UK before we worry about any other countries political agendas.

We have the Welsh, Scottish & Irish voting for their own assemblies which protect them from the worst lunacy of Nu Labour and electing an English parliament too!

Fairs fair if they get to elect our politicians we should have a vote to elect theirs, why should a party elected in other countries with their own national assemblies be allowed to rob England blind!
louis Cannell, Northampton, United Kingdom

Why stop there though? Are you some sort of pinko commie?? You’re still being robbed blind by people who live OVER A MILE AWAY. Frankly, I’m pissed off that my taxes get spent on anybody other than me. What we need is devolved government for everybody. I’m sick of other people affecting my life.

On Zimbabwe’s “election”.

Rural areas in Africa as much in Europe and Asia represent the less socialy and democratelly matured people and therefore are the one that may cast theyr vote under emotional/revolutionally feeling which minimise any possibility of unbiased critical analysis for the nation’s needs.
Giuseppe Bonaccorsi, Pretoria, South Africa

Yeah. Stupid thickie farmers with their big fat hands and tiny piggy eyes.

Thanks to Niki for these nuggets from the “Should scientists graft poisonous horse cocks onto the faces of our children?” debate.

Yes there certainly should be a free vote.
I don’t think most people would even think of eating their pet’s food, yet this bill suggests mixing genetic material of animals and human beings. There are other aspects of this bill …lack of need for a father, furthering abortion etc etc. A slippery slope and should be morally unacceptable to any thinking person with a modicum of respect for the dignity of the human person. The sneering attitude of Winston, Harris et al belies a sinister contempt.
NC, Doncaster

Fuck’s sake. Could you try, just for ONCE, to get the right end of the stick? They’re not trying to build humans that like to eat dog biscuits, they’re trying to build dogs that are fussy about what they eat.

Wouldn’t it be great to go back in time and ask Sir Winston Churchill his views on hybird embryo research in the UK Imagine the year 1946 WW2 is over The horrors of Hitler’s death camps have been exposed for all the world to see The SS will be tried for crimes against humanity Hitler’s dream of a super race was defeated only to come back in another form -embryo hybirds Can science deliver what they promise -eternal youth and if so at what price to the human soul?
angelica adams, cambrdige ma usa

I suspect Winston would say something like “Dotsy rye bow new click what?? Get out of my face you stinking harpy”.

If I could go back in time, I’d ask Florence Nightingale why the fuck my graphics card won’t support 1920×1200 resolution even though the spec says it should. Then I’d head to where the ATI software engineers live (1994) and ask them for a DOS boot disk and a floppy drive so that I can run their BIOS flashing exe.

A very good mate of mine had real problem with his temper (he could start a fight in an empty house) but his doctor recently prescribed him some drugs which have been remarkably successful.

I went out with him and few of the lads at the weekend and, despite drinking Belgian beer all night, he was not involved in one seriously violent altercation, only minor incidents, none of which required the attendance of the Police.
Brian Eggleston, London, United Kingdom

Pooed inna hedge?

Thanks to Gemma for this from the “Should you drink while pregnant?” thread.

Oh leave us in peace for God’s sake. Don’t we get enough of your sanctimonious whining on everything from a puff of smoke to the puffs on TV, from fatty bacon to fatty me, from Gordon’s dreams of realitee, (That’s a killer! (Spike Jones, cerca 1942!)). Why don’t you folk, whoever you are, go lock yourselves in your cellar, pour yourselves a nice gallon of petrol, and relax with a nice cigarette?
[RadioRogerL], Ellesmere Port, United Kingdom

I also found this one in “Do you struggle to contain your anger?”. I edited most of it out because it’s the same thing again. Roger is another of those poor unfortunates who, along with his constant, debilitating rage, also suffers from the common HYS affliction of only having one thing to say yet feeling compelled to say it, over and over again, whenever anyone asks you any question at all. I bet he has a fucking nightmare when he goes to the doctor.

In the last ten years I have felt extremely angry many times [...]
[RadioRogerL], Ellesmere Port, United Kingdom

No shit. Perhaps you need a hobby or something. Or maybe just a wank? Go on, treat yourself.

An old one from Nerys. Nearly didn’t manage to post this today because DreamHost have been utterly shite and this site’s been down (along with thousands of others). Slug slots.

Its about time all free handouts were discontinued. We have streets covered in chewing gum, municipal gardens unkept and we have a social system that gives alcoholics £20 extra per day for booze, persistant gamblers up to £60 per day to feed slot machines. What incentive is that to go out and find work. Disability claiments should have to collect their benefit from a shelf above their heads. If they can reach it they are fit enough to fill supermarket shelves which they should be by next week.
Mike Easy, Norwich

I heard that knives gangs get up to £400 an hour to sharpen their knives!!!! It’s political correctness gone mad!!!??! Having said this, I am a little worried that this is all completely made up and that I’m such a gibbering puffin’s twat that I’ll believe anything as long as it broadly corresponds with my shrill hatred of everything that doesn’t make me richer, warmer or fatter.

On the death of Arthur C Clarke.

I am about to fly out for the funeral of my great friend Arty but thought I would share a memory with you all. It was 1978 and we were sitting in a mock up of the Apollo 11 landing craft when Arty said: ‘David, how on earth did they do their toilet in this thing?’
A true visionary and man of the people has left our orbit.
David Norton, London and Cornwall

You should write his biography while all these hilarious stories are still fresh in your mind.

Thanks to Jo for sending me this back in 2007. The debate was “What are your hopes and fears for 2008?”.

I hope that more people will accept Animal Rights and become vegan. I pray that God Himself intervenes to protect others around the world and at the BBC! I also hope fireworks have a softer BANG! And that’s about it! God will do the rest if He’s so inclined. World peace would be a nice idea too - I’ll let Him know :o)
Madelaine Budd, Maldon

God can’t save you now. Eat a sausage.

Very sad to hear of Anthony Minghella’s death, especially as he came from my home county of the Isle of Wight and I’ll never forget that great Oscar speech when he said ‘This is a great day for the Isle of Wight!’
A nebulous claim to fame I have is that my step-grandmother was Anthony’s violin teacher!

Proper Cynic

Call that cynicism? Fuck’s sake. You useless, boring twat. I don’t give a fuck if your grandad’s new wife once met a bloke who made shit films. Everyone you know is rubbish. Everything you do is worthless so there’s no point doing it. Your life is a homogenous grey expanse of decaffeinated, low-fat, plastic. If you gave up RIGHT NOW and tried to die of “nothing in particular”, you’d be shit at that too.

See? That’s cynicism. Or maybe it’s just abuse. I don’t know. I don’t care. Everything’s shit. Fuck off.

Thanks to Chris. Is it wrong to try to have a deaf child?

“Please Doc, I want a baby who is left-handed, red- haired and sings out of tune. I could not love him/her otherwise.”

No no no! If you cannot accept a child for who he is, stay childless!
They call me Mimi, Edinburgh

As Chris says, “<insert Mick Hucknall satire here>”.