Quite simple really, anyone in favour of drinking all hours needs to do a minimum of a week with the police patrols who have to deal with the drunken mayhem that happens as a result of the unrestrained drinking and only after that can they lend their support to 24 hours drinking.
Usual hand wringing liberal tosh, “freedom this and freedom that” while living in nice safe middle class areas and nowhere near the mess this policy creates.
Chumpy, London
YES! What we need is less freedom and a more authoritarian nanny state telling us when we can drink! No, hang on, what we need is LESS nanny state! So 24 hour drinking must be good! Damn. Hang on… right, yeah, we need a more liberal government who let everybody live their own way and don’t impose their beardy human rights on the rest of us. No, wait, I’ll get it in a minute… erm, we need a LESS liberal government because my Sky+ box told me that liberals are bad. WAIT! I GOT IT. We need to impose MY views on everybody because I’m a zebra’s cunt.
30 Responses to “Animal Fanny Tuesdays #09”
I’m quite keen on getting leathered and vomiting in Chumpy’s garden.
I’m with Rhodri - I’m also going to leave a traffic cone on top of his Fiat Multipla and piss on his roses.
zebra’s cunt. fnar!
Shit in his petunias I say…
I’m with Rhodri too. As long as “garden” is a euphemism for anus.
I will attend this event, and will be recording it on my trusty Box Brownie by way of a memorial to the late Paul Raymond.
Hope you don’t mind.
i’m going to apply for a 24hr license to piss through chumpies letterbox
Chumpy will never be bored. Sit him in a corner on his own and he’ll start arguing with himself about immigrants. Now, is he in favour of the ones escaping oppressive regimes, or does he hate the asylum seekers that come over here and leech off the state? Is he all right with the ones that pay their own way, or is he sick of them coming over here, taking our low-paid thankless jobs? Round and round he goes, a one-man Daily Mail powered shit generator.
Top of the most recommended:
“The current admissions system clearly doesn’t work and anyone that says otherwise is clearly MAD!
My children were all rejected from the local comprehensive and have to commute for nearly two and a half hours every day. Local asylum seekers and illegal immigrants are given PRIORITY for places in all schools at the expense of talented local kids.
IT’S VERY UPSETTING!”
Derek Bells, London, United Kingdom
If they’re anything like him, Derek’s kids can’t be very talented.
And, also courtesy of Derek,
“Why should the government decide licensing laws? It is up to ME and me alone who decides when, where and what I drink. AND SMOKE.
Typical of the ruinous nanny state liberal permissive society that is working against the hard working British population to create some airy fairy notion of utopian Britain where the working class are being eradicated to house extremists and absurd minority organisations.
We have no freedom any more thanks to Bliar and Browns. IT MAKES ME SICK!”
Ah yes, the liberal permissive nanny state - PC gone clearly MAD!
Ah, I love it when they say Bliar.
I love what’s usually implicit behind it, i.e. that all we need to do is replace them with <insert favourite self-important cunts> and somehow everything will be different. It’s like watching a fly banging its face against the window in an endless loop.
Hold on, he used the word “tosh” and is claiming he’s not middle-class? Say wha’?
Nelson, I think when you have someone who can only argue in circles, what they define as progress is when the direction of the argument reverses.
is a zebra stripy on the inside?
Surely Derek is a Poe? Check out his previous…
http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/profile.jspa?userID=11136981&edition=1&ttl=20080304232301
Have you just made a typo whilst typing “Pole” or something? Or perhaps you think we should catch him in a bottle and send him back to Hyrule?
I hope I’m not 35 seconds behind the bleeding edge of internet slang.
Having followed that link, I’m pretty sure Derek Bells is a piss-take.
I don’t think Chumpster is conflicted at all; he’s probably a Stalinist. A reformed one, what with the absence of a five year plan involving the deaths of millions, but you can tell he was holding himself back from using the phrase ‘bourgeoisie’.
I know it’s wildly off-topic but I’d like to commend this HYS on “US primaries: Are you voting?”
Obama will trump in Ohio and Texas as he represents all and a true leader of the 21st Century!
V Siva, Scarborough
I love the concept - Obama make last minute stops in Ohio and Texas, breaks wind loudly and leaves.
On a more serious note (sorry), what sort of fuckwit announces Obama “represents all and a true leader of the 21st Century”? Has V Siva met him or read an entire speech of his, even? I’m sure Obama’s a nice guy, the flatulence problem aside, but he could only be argued to represent “all” on the most broad of bases (he’s a homo sapien).
Actually, they don’t like homo anything in Texas, so he might be in trouble.
Sorry - I’m sure I’d run across that term here before…
Poe’s law: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Poe’s+Law
I’ll be less opaque in future
Meh. your text parseing delicately unbuttons that link.
I heartily recommend the services of the sterling internet pioneers Messrs Google Esq., supplying the argument “Poe’s Law”.
Quite simple really, anyone agreeing with Chumpy needs to do a minimum of a week with their head stuck up a chimp’s arse. They have to deal with the inane bullshit that gets posted to Have Your Say. Only after that can they lend their support to the drivel Chumpy posts.
Usual hand wringing Chumpy tosh, “freedom this and freedom that” while living in nice safe middle class areas and nowhere near the mess Chumpy creates.
Poe’s law indeed, Derek Bell’s a genius. But I think I have him:
“My wives were all back working on the farm within a week of giving birth, of their own accord I might add. A bit of hard work is the best medicine and that is a fact.”.
AND YET…
“I felt the tremor last night in North London. I was viewing some choice videos on my internet at the time and was very shocked the room starting rocking all over the place.
I hadn’t been drinking either so I knew something serious was happening so I evacuated my block of flats as I thought there was a distinct possibility that it could be terrorist-related”.
A farm, in a block of north London flat Derek ? Gotcha !
I believe Derek is in fact real - one of his ex-wives was my Auntie.
He’s a deeply embittered Tory/Nazi who had his farm taken away by the banks when mad cow disease first hit and he now lives in Hackney in his brother’s flat.
Fixed it.
I’ve actually sat on IRC before, arguing with the WordPress developers about this kind of thing. I’d setup a blog on a URL which had 0×0 in it and WordPress turned the ‘x’ into a ‘times symbol’ even when generating its own links to things like its CSS files, thus knackering pretty much everything. My point was that it’s a legal domain name and URL and that they probably shouldn’t be “helpfully” replacing characters in URLs anyway. They were trying to claim it was a “silly URL” and so therefore it was “not a bug”.
People would be scared if they realised how much of the internet has been developed by mardy children. It’s a credit to the rest of us that most blogs aren’t covered in pictures of armoured barbarian women with massive tits.
Good old Derek Bells. Either confusing his issues or going all-out to win Far Right Lunatic of the Year 2008.
“Perhaps we should return to capital punishment in schools! It certainly works!”
Chumpy I asked the police about your idea and they told you to ‘fuck off you twatting twat faced twat’.
“I think the greatest danger that faces Russia is that Putin is a strong leader and he therefore must want to rebuild the USSR again. Former members suck as Latvia, Ukraine, Belarus and Serbia should be very scared.”
I think he’s a piss-take, sadly.
See also the use of “Gordon Browns” and “Heroins”. The work of a Lee and Herring fan, I think.
A fine day for bizarre contradictions.
“Wow. The UN ACTUALLY talks some sense for once. Makes a change for these pathetic liberal institutions who are usually too busy denying our freedoms.”
Derek Bells: the undiluted Ribena of idiocy.