Thanks to Chloe for this one. L A Odicean is responsible for a couple of other of my favourite works of understated comedy genius.
Too much healthy food is causing children to be taller than they used to be. It was once very uncommon to see a 6ft tall 11 year old, but now they are two-a-penny. On the one hand healthy food is a good thing, preventing rickets and such, but on the other an 11 year old boy/man with testosterone levels way in advance of his general knowledge (in particular biological), is not to be taken lightly. Certainly modern eating habits have a lot to answer for. Let’s have fewer vitamins and protein.
L A Odicean, London
What if these gigantic children get angry? Confused and unaware of their own awesome power, they might pick up the town mayor and bang him on the wall! Then where would we be?
38 Responses to “Big Childs”
She just wants to keep all the healthy food for her beloved dogs, and let the kids starve. Bitch.
I wonder if he could get his theory on the correlation between consuming your 5-a-day and becoming a violent sexual predator published? I bet Nature would be fascinated to hear from him; or failing that he could try a journal more in his scope of understanding – like The Beano.
It’s too much of a coincidence that this isn’t the same person..
http://laodicean.wordpress.com/
laugh…wee escaping..you know the routine..
Oh God, her “deep thoughts” on that blog…
I say that we should return to the days of scurvy and rickets. But we all know how Nelson feels about opinions. The cunt.
Surely that blog is not real, just reading the first few early post revealed these two nuggets:
After all my car has an excellent catatonic converter and does not pollute any more than other cheaper vehicles.
and
Like other drug taking it is often pier-pressure that causes young people to take up the habit and so it was for me while I was in Brighton (and Eastbourne, come to that).
I think we should support our lovely lunatic friend, and post some comments of support. Poor soul had a real bitch of a time in Tesco recently.
Lettuce eater.
I honestly can’t tell, sometimes it seems like a divinely inspired satire of a stupid person trying to sound informed, and sometimes it sounds like a stupid person trying to sound informed. Is L A Odicean an anagram of anything?
A nice load?
Acid Alone, A Acne Idol, A Lead Coin,
A Laid Once, A Alien Cod, Anal Code I,
Acid Ale On, Ace Load In, bored yet ?
My favourite bit ? “Recently (Michael Martin) underwent heart surgery and doctors found a tiny balloon in his heart, and I guess nobody knows how it got there.”.
I do, but I’m not telling.
I think you’ve been had, Nelson.
So everybody constantly assures me, on every other post
I decided, a while ago, to ignore the nagging doubt that these people can’t possibly be real.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Laodicean
Not sure how it is appropriate though.
I concur, these children being too tall for their general knowledge is a serious problem, I mean, they’re tall enough to get served in pubs but lack the knowledge to do well in the pub quiz, therefore leading to resentment, anger and violence etc… I demand to know what the government plans to do about this, they work FOR US!!
It’s an uncomfortable thought that the likes of Laodicean, Atom John and Derek Bells are reading this blog and laughing at our naivety. Well go on, have a good laugh at our expense you cunts.
Nah, it’s a piss-take. Has to be. Quite a funny one, too…
I wonder if one of the usual suspects like b3ta or popbitch are having a competition to get as many recommendations for blatantly insane HYS as possible.
Nadgers. Someone’s fake posted on the LA blog under my name.
Perfidy – how do I get over that feeling of shame – that I’ve been taken for a naive fool by these sly foxes?
“What if these gigantic children get angry? Confused and unaware of their own awesome power, they might pick up the town mayor and bang him on the wall! Then where would we be?”
*Gasp* You’re right! Someone get the Powerpuff hotline installed, NOW!
Despite calling ‘Poe’s Law’ on Derek Bells in a previous comment, I’m perfectly happy if some of these posters are piss-takes for *exactly* that reason.
These people are either excellent satirists, or there really are people with this kind of mental bulimia, stuffing their brain-gullets with the Sun and Daily Mail until they guiltily spew it all back up in the toilet of HYS.
If the former, they deserve to have their work disseminated. If the latter, I have no qualms about pissing myself laughing as they parade themselves in their DIY freakshow.
If (e.g.) Atom John is a real person, and his posts accurately reflect his views, I suspect he would gain cold comfort from being considered too ludicrous to exist. On the other hand he’d probably feel important for the first time in his life because peple are now talking about him.
Oh! The dilemma!
See, now I’m confused again, because that pun’s a sub-Now Show level of unfunny, packed into a sub-Now Show topic reach.
Possibly we’ve discovered a Now Show writer.
To my eternal shame, I was once near enough to Mitch Benn to smear faeces on his face, yet I failed to act.
“but on the other an 11 year old boy/man with testosterone levels way in advance of his general knowledge”
His general knowledge? Does said boy get asked this question in the school quiz or something?
Debbie, same way as I do, go into denial.
I’m calling “real loonie” on L A Odicean. On HYS she says all the kids are real because they are nourished too well.
On the blog she says that the people of Nuneaton are undernourished Hobbit dwarfs.
A satirist would be smart enough to realise that you can’t have it both ways.
These are the confused ramblings of a loon.
Nooooo. The contradiction’s just an extension of the satire. I mean come on, it can’t possibly be real. The whole tone is just too serious and deadpan to be anything but comedy, and 6ft tall 11-year-olds being two-a-penny? No-one could possibly believe that. Come on, get a grip, guys, it’s obviously absurdism.
I understand your incredulity and am fully prepared to accept that any of the people on here could be piss-takers.
I take issue with your reasoning though. If you think its utter ridiculousness is evidence that it’s not real then you need to spend more time on HYS. You’re probably used, as are most of us, to interacting with a range of internet loonies on niche forums, like this. It’s worth remembering that, in contrast, the BBC is visited by almost EVERYBODY WHO HAS A NET CONNECTION. It would be surprising if there WEREN’T a few people this bizarre
Yes but in this case there does seem to be the occasional flash of Henry Raddick-style wit in there. The description of the dog food factory comes to mind. Plus the fact that, like Derek Bells, L A Odicean seems to have sprung into existence fully-formed and very recently…
Nelson, I think we need a scientist to develop something akin to the Drake equation. I’m rubbish at scientis but here’s my effort anyway:
N= (c/100) x (tp / (tc / pt))
where N is reliability of posts
c is cynicism, tp is total population, tc is number of genuine cunts and pt is the number of piss takers.
James: Yeah, like I said, I wasn’t taking issue with the conclusion. Just Shallot’s weak argument
Perfidy: That looks great. I’m just not quite sure about there being such a big difference between “piss takers” and “cunts”. I reckon that “piss takers” who spend their time writing HYS comments that are almost completely indistinguishable from the real thing are in fact just “a slightly different type of cunt”.
btw, L A Odiciean isn’t a recent addition. He/She was one of the first ones I posted on here, way back in early 2007.
Definitely one of the few that’s actually intrinsically funny though, rather than just an “ironic racist” or whatever it is you reckon Derek Bells is supposed to be
N= (c/100) x (tp / (tc / pt)+sdtoc) then.
Here’s a further twist to Odiceangate
…he/she has given such varied opinions on
Newsniffer – size zero models and the new Airbus (someone also pulled him/her up about the contradictions in argument).
The Telegraph – Cricket, football and female sports presenters.
Fiat – curiously on the Beckhams..?
Joey Barton – where he/she slagged off Joey Barton.
..and our favourite, the BBC, on bullying and gambling. Some of the comments go back to early 2007. I’m betting on some unfortunate brain injury – sudden and drastic.
Do I have too much time on my hands?
Do I have too much time on my hands?
Yes.
I caught that Vishnu stealing from my herb garden the other day. The bastard had too much hands on my thyme.
Nelson said “you need to spend more time on HYS”
Dear god, that’s a bit cruel, isn’t it?
I don’t know what came over me.
http://laodicean.wordpress.com/2008/02/13/congestion/#respond
Yet more comedy genius
“I drive a very thirsty car. She is big, comfortable, even luxurious, and a real head-turner. Why should I not be able to drive her around the city given that I already pay extra road tax, the congestion charge, extremely high servicing bills without being further punished for my hobby by extra fuel tax which will hit me far more than Joe Bloggs in his Ford Fiesta? After all my car has an excellent catatonic converter and does not pollute any more than other cheaper vehicles.”