Delusions of Grandeur08 Mar 2008 10:31 pm

Please Wipe Your Face Off My Shoe

By Nelson

Another old one. I’m ill in bed so I’m going through them. My life has changed immeasurably since I got a laptop. Sometimes I sit on the bog and write my blog. Thanks to Joe for this. The submission, not the ability to post while pooing.

I am concerned at the number of foreign people selling the ‘Big Issue’ in my town and in other towns around where I live. Many of them are Romanian. I do not understand why they continue to live here if they are homeless.

I also do not understand what happened to the Scottish Big Issue sellers. Have they all been rehomed? I doubt it very much.
Jane Knox, Hamilton

After reading this, all I could think of was Charlie Brooker’s Scum-B-Gone, so I’m just going to link to it. I prefer his early, more difficult work and I went completely off him at the exact moment you started liking him.

17 Responses to “Please Wipe Your Face Off My Shoe”

  1. on 09 Mar 2008 at 12:35 am   Monty

    Ill in bed? Scrounging off benefits paid for by hard-working, white, working class folk more like. Coming over here with your left wing, liberal, whinging viruses. It’s political correctness gone mad I tell you. I blame Gordon Clown and Tony Bliar.

    Sorry, I’ll be fine when I sober up.

  2. on 09 Mar 2008 at 9:59 am   rose

    The joys of laptops when ill.

    Unfortunately this site has come close to causing my stitches to split even though I am on bed rest.

    And ‘touch of the council’ :D

  3. on 09 Mar 2008 at 10:06 am   The Home Secretary

    Thought you’d like to know Gordo and I are starting a new initiative as a result of this site.

    It’s called ‘Wog Web’. The idea is that we give all those Johnny Foreigner types a free computer and the Web address of HYS.

    Interesting how there are so many lower class white people with computers, Internet connections and time to burn moaning about immigration and how hard-up they are. Yet all the darkies/Polish/Romanian scum–who’re supposed to be sitting on their arses, scrounging off the state–don’t.

  4. on 09 Mar 2008 at 10:08 am   The Home Secretary

    Oh yes, Nelson, I nearly forgot: get well soon you Liberal, hand-wringing, loonie-leftie, badgers sputum.

  5. on 09 Mar 2008 at 1:37 pm   Joe

    My ability to post while pooing is prized and ever so rare. Its lack of recognition is staggering.

  6. on 09 Mar 2008 at 5:09 pm   Lindsay

    I was into Charlie Brooker 15 years ago when he was having a strip called ‘Here’s Toby’ printed in Acne comic (and subsequently Tottenham Court Road Computer Exchange’s adverts).

    Do I win £5?

  7. on 09 Mar 2008 at 6:15 pm   Nelson

    No. It’s just like with music, where there’s a fine line between e.g. “cool” on the one hand and “owning Sisters of Mercy picture discs” on the other.

    You crossed the line Lindsay. I wish you could see my face right now. I’m scornful. In fact, I suck my teeth atcha.

  8. on 09 Mar 2008 at 8:06 pm   Joe

    You and Brooker should team up. He’d handle the wordy insults, and you can call them giraffe dicks or something. It’d be like an internet Batman and Robin.

  9. on 09 Mar 2008 at 10:17 pm   Mildred Roper

    These Romanian homeless should go home and take their homelessness and Charlie Brooker with them. Jane Knox sounds cool, she’s got her own town and everything.

  10. on 09 Mar 2008 at 11:36 pm   Nelson

    You and Brooker should team up. He’d handle the wordy insults, and you can call them giraffe dicks or something. It’d be like an internet Batman and Robin.

    Yeah. I could say “yeah”.. n stuff.

    I really like Frankie Boyle’s theory that Robin is actually just Batman’s imaginary friend. He strikes fear into the heart of his enemies by bursting into their lairs and having weird conversations with himself in a high-pitched voice.

  11. on 12 Mar 2008 at 1:50 pm   pencilmonitor

    SoM did picture discs??? Or is this a recent marketing ploy to increase sales of the back catalogue now that Andrew Eldritch has got fat and blond?

  12. on 12 Mar 2008 at 1:59 pm   Nelson

    I’ll swear my brother had picture discs. He may even still have some. I guess the issue is whether or not he still displays them anywhere. Come on Wellington, own up :)

  13. on 12 Mar 2008 at 2:50 pm   Wellington

    I *may* have a picture disc or two hanging around somewhere. Not sure if SoM ever made any though. I imagine Andrew Eldritch spent most of his time lamenting the fact that standard vinyl wasn’t quite black enough.

    I remember once being given a ‘Wildhearts’ EP that had a picture of a pizza on it. They called it a “Limited Edition Pizza Disc”. That kept me amused for days.

  14. on 12 Mar 2008 at 2:54 pm   Wellington

    Oh, and they’re not on display any more. If anyone is interested in purchasing my collection of SoM vinyl (or my Limited Edition Pizza Disc), please get in touch.

  15. on 12 Mar 2008 at 3:26 pm   Nelson

    Is there a tumbleweed emoticon?

  16. on 12 Mar 2008 at 3:56 pm   Lindsay

    …..@

  17. on 03 Jun 2008 at 1:36 am   GREG COOK

    I was always a little concerned by that whole Bruce Wayne/Dick Grayson relationship. What exactly is a ward? Has it something to do with rent-boyism?
    (W)Hol(l)y inappropriate touching, Batman!