Miscellaneous Prats21 Mar 2008 12:19 pm
By Nelson
On the death of Arthur C Clarke.
I am about to fly out for the funeral of my great friend Arty but thought I would share a memory with you all. It was 1978 and we were sitting in a mock up of the Apollo 11 landing craft when Arty said: ‘David, how on earth did they do their toilet in this thing?’
A true visionary and man of the people has left our orbit.
David Norton, London and Cornwall
You should write his biography while all these hilarious stories are still fresh in your mind.
‘David, how on earth did they do their toilet in this thing?’
I think we have a contender for headstone inscription of the year.
This made me laugh so much I’m still having trouble catching my breath….
I recall some fat Welsh guy on a Terry Wogan programme recalling Princess Anne as having the presence of mind to ask for ice-cubes made of MINERAL WATER rather than the inferior TAP WATER.
Because obviously if you’re having MINERAL WATER you don’t want to put nasty cold TAP WATER in it do you?
This simultaneously shows the pointlessness of the monarchy AND the damaging effect they have on the environment.
However Arthur C. Clarke asking about where spacemen do their poo-poos is funnier.
Not very relevant, but has anyone noticed that the Independent message board is also attracting HYS style trolls?
http://blogs.independent.co.uk/openhouse/2008/03/how-to-stop-the.html#comments
Look at the message from ‘balrog’. Moral equivalence between Maoism and taxing billionaires, yep. Unable to spell three letter word, yep. Use of pathetically outdated slang ‘twit’, yep. I just wonder how people so pathetic and stupid find the energy to defend the super-rich, because I would bet anything that they are not amongst the dynamic minds running the British economy.
At least we still have you, David…. At least we still have you.
Do you happen to have any Werther’s Original?
If he was such a visionary, why couldn’t he work out how to do a toilet in a spaceship?
I’m not sure I know how to go about “doing my toilet” in any location.
Maybe there is some brilliant, subtle humour in Arty’s comment about how ON EARTH they did something on a spaceship designed to land ON THE MOON. More likely he was just saying something to pass the time and Norty’s anecdote is cuntshakingly mundane and just an excuse for name-dropping.
You know someone’s a toss jockey when they describe their location as ‘London and Cornwall’. Smarmy, double-homeowning knobber.
Arthur C Clarke. The Paul Gadd of Science Fiction writing,
Apparently the requirements for his funeral were
Is it pure coincidence that methane was discovered on a distant star around the time that Arthur left orbit ? Looks to me like someone did significant toilet out there and, David, my guess is it’s a coded message to you.
If only Arthur had thought it through before opening his mouth. The correct answer is blindingly obvious, even to a man of his stature. To whit:
“In a bag.”
Just don’t use Tesco carrier bags. They’re full of holes.
Just think, soon enough people will be talking in exactly the same way about the other tiresome tosspot who produces books for people who dont like reading - Terry Pratchett (sp?).
David, I really don’t want your memory you name dropping cunt, take it back. what a shame you can’t join him for a double funeral, i just hope you get sucked out of the plane toilet on your way there you saggy old ball sack.
Do you think Mike Borel would care for this mans little story?
I somehow doubt it.
Ah yes, I remember it well, I was walking through the Jorvik Viking Centre with Terry when he turned to me and said “Who are you? You’re not my sister! My hat, my hat, they’re stealing my hat!”
Good times.
I remember the time I was sitting in a Roman eatery with my good friend Dan Brown. He turned to me and said “you know Andrew, I’d like to get into the Vatican but I VatiCAN’T. Where does the Pope do a toilet?”.
Good times.
Flying out for the funeral of our great friend Arty with David and I thought I’d share a memory with you all. It was half and hour ago and we were sitting in a 747 when David said: ‘Perfy, how on earth did they do their toilet in this thing?’, so I shat on him.
A true pony’s axe wound and salmon’s gash went all brown.
I can’t breathe for laughing.
You’re welcome.
“Andrew Says:
March 26th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I remember the time I was sitting in a Roman eatery with my good friend Dan Brown. He turned to me and said “you know Andrew, I’d like to get into the Vatican but I VatiCAN’T. Where does the Pope do a toilet?”.”
As any fule kno, Il Papa poos in da woodz