Unfocused Rage26 Mar 2008 11:09 pm
By Wellington
A very good mate of mine had real problem with his temper (he could start a fight in an empty house) but his doctor recently prescribed him some drugs which have been remarkably successful.
I went out with him and few of the lads at the weekend and, despite drinking Belgian beer all night, he was not involved in one seriously violent altercation, only minor incidents, none of which required the attendance of the Police.
Brian Eggleston, London, United Kingdom
I should point out that I wrote the “Pooed inna hedge” bit and then had to spend 5 minutes explaining it to Wellington. He still doesn’t get it and definitely doesn’t know why a duck is involved.
If you find yourself in the same boat, looking for something clever/amusing/entertaining here, give up. It’s just a poo inna hedge.
This, er, friend of yours. It wasn’t you by some chance, was it?
I think I understand the duck thing. Was it scary?
I’ve had a few “minor incidents” in my time and have even pooed in a frenchman’s garden but, sadly, no it wasn’t me.
if tomatoes grow from the poo, WE WILL KNOW.
I would like to make it 100 per cent clear through these pages that I do not actually make a habit of pooing in hedges. It is, in fact, a last resort that has occured only on those rare occasions when I did not have a plastic bag handy.
Tomato, anyone?
I hope you pooed in privet (sort of hedge, sounds like private, now please explain why a duck was involved).
Further clarification of my adhoc toilet habits:
1. One does not tend to note the kind of hedge when caught short. But obviously, one does tend to avoid holly, or those likely to give you a rash or be full of tramps and crack addicts.
2. I have never knowingly involved ducks, grebes, coots or any other waterfowl in my scat habits. Seagulls, on the other hand, remain a perpuetual nuisance.
3. All incidences of poo-inna-hege are scored out of twenty for style, control damage and aggression using the universally accepted Scaryduckworth-Lewis Method.
Any further questions?
“This, er, friend of yours. It wasn’t you by some chance, was it?”
It was me*. And if you mention it again, I’m seriously gonna lose my rag.
*as far as you know.
Haha, what a wonderfully heartwarming story. I’m reminded of the time I was wandering round the Smithsonian with dear old Arty when he suddenly saw his long-time rival Stanislaw Lem turning the perspex handle thingy on the mockup of Spacelab. “Oi you commie fucker!” yelled Arty, “Never mind your Solaris about the fragility of the human psyche faced with the unmeasurable vastness of space, I invented the fucking geostationary satellite!”
Well, suffice it to say that the day ended with Arty beating Lem senseless with a makeshift club he fashioned from a chunk of the Bell X-15 experimental rocket plane. Arty was always very inventive like that. We all had a good laugh about it later, except Lem who spent two weeks in a coma. Not long after that Arty’s doctor put him on Paxil and the world lost a wonderful ultraviolent wit.
Drugs are good mmmkay
A golden opportunity for me to present myself. I once pooed (that’s it - no, only joking lol) not strictly speaking IN a hedge, but behind one (beech). If only David Norton had been there to witness it for posterity and post it on the net. Sigh.
ahhhh, drugs ….
I once frew an stone at an duck.
Je jette un pierre a la duc, as they say
I once exposed myself to a swan.
Do I win five pounds?
I’ve been drinking Belgian beer all evening, and I haven’t been in any minor incidents. I am listening to Euros Childs just wearing my pants though. Make of that what you will.
pencilmonitor - you threw a rock at a duke?
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