Talking Dog? I’ll Give You Talking Dog
By NelsonThanks to Tom for finding this one over at Metro. It’s from an article about a dog that got onto the electoral register.
I like the way it slowly builds from a really dull anecdote into a mildly incoherent rant until the sudden mention of a talking dog triggers an explosive finale.
Last week I was watching the so-called Britain’s got Talent, a young girl about 13 went on stage with her female friend, I can’t remenber her name. Anyway, the young girl’s friend, Mrs Dogs, dance a free dance, all the audience were even emotioned, they were so amazed that all the judges voted 3 yes for the DOG, so the next round, it will be dogs competing people.
Lets guess the Dog win the competition, the queen will be entertained by the highly talented thing of 2008 in Britain: A DOG, nobody has got much talent as that DOG.One day scientists will genetically create a DOG speaking like the one in Man in Black movie. They will be compared to mankind.
IT IS HELL ON EARTH, PEOPLE!!! WAKE UP, OPEN YOUR MIND, WOMEN ARE ALREADY EQUAL TO MEN, NEXT STOP IS ANIMALS EQUAL TO WOMEN, which means to MEN, WHAT A SHAME!!
Elie Ngandu, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
Feeling better? Purged? Like an empty sock?
36 Responses to “Talking Dog? I’ll Give You Talking Dog”
It’s already happening.
Only the other day, my missis walked past a parrot and it said ‘SHOWUSYERKICKERS’.
Peadodogs are just round the corner mark my words.
Gangs of blackbirds hang about outside out local shop, drinking cider and throwing worms at passers-by.
When does society make a stand?
That’s not the worst of it. It wasn’t an old ENGLISH sheepdog, it wasn’t even a BRITISH bulldog. NO, it was just some mongrel brown dog!
Well that’s what you get with a Media that supports the Liberal Lefty’s.
Churchill would be shaking his head!
Elie’s post would be fine other than the fact that he/she clearly believes that BGT actually does identify true ‘talent’, when everyone knows that success in the competition essentially relies on the ability to make Amanda Holden blub like a scalded four year old.
Let the dog win I say. The Queen has long been reported to be more in touch with animals than people anyway - well that’s what my Daily Mail says.
“Churchill would be shaking his head!”
Lell, would that be Churchill the talking dog?
Elie seems to be a repeat offender, not to mention an enthusiastic plagiarist (that’s a link to Elie’s useful guide to overcoming depression, which appears to have been copied and pasted from here.
Lell, would that be Churchill the talking dog?
That was the juvenile implication I was making.
One apparent conclusion of Elie’s, ahem, “logic”, is that she thinks both women and animals shouldn’t be equal to men, therefore women are the equal of animals.
Has Newcastle Upon Tyne been twinned with Riyadh recently?
Thought so.
Shame you missed me setting you up for a gruff-yet-enthusiastic “Ohhh yes!” in response though.
Next time.
“oh no, no, no, no”
An apparent conclusion to the name Elie is that it is masculine.
The opening sentence from Elie took me straight back to days spent in Bangkok and heady opium driven nights out with Gary.
There we go!!
I’m just kicking myself that I didn’t set the video for this.
You should Google for Elie Ngandu: Several more palpably mad comments and a self-published book of questionable sanity
What I don’t get is he says the act was perfomed by a ‘female friend’ - so it was two girls? Or was it a weak attempt at spelling feline…which is a cat.
It’s HELL ON EARTH!
Surely an amusing attempt to mask the ‘female friend’s’ species before, BAM!, with impeccable comic timing he reveals that “she” was a dog and we fall off our chairs in horror. WAKE UP, OPEN YOUR MIND!!
I think that’s the best ramble I’ve seen.
She was also called Mrs Dogs, so not only was she officially (potentially) the most talented creature in Britain, she’s also MARRIED?! It’s not wonder this country is quite literally going to the dogs…
The dog was pretty damn good. Obviously I wasn’t watching it, I just happened to flick through the channel and see Ant & Dec talking about a girl and the very close relationship she had with her dog. Peeked my interest.
I think that is the best, or close to the best, post I’ve ever seen on any website ever.
I like dogs. It’s about time someone taught one to dance. And speak. For my pleasure, but also so that they can explain that they’re doing when they smell each other’s arses. Beagles have been smoking for years, it’s only a logical progression of that.
werka, I reckon the dog being married actually makes the situation minutely better; at least Mrs Dogs belongs to Mr Dogs, and is therefore inferior to him.
The lass was 16 and I think the dog was called somethign else but not Mrs Dog.
Anyway when I saw it and she said the dog was her best mate etc I thought of her having sex with it
Riiight…
The thing is, dogs have actually been dancing for years. Have none of you seen the pre-final showpiece on Crufts? The dog was dancing with a clown this year - I think it was some kind of metaphor.
The English language is such a fascinating thing, in that the subtlest misuse of grammar can lead to the most beautiful and poignant poetry. Mrs Dogs. Say it out loud. Mrs Dogs. It’s the funniest fucking thing I’ve heard all year.
I mean obviously it’s a bit low-brow and all… but seriously, the dog’s pretty fucking good: http://youtube.com/watch?v=3Bt4kguLPTU
“is it a real dog? Or is it a ROBOT?!”
I’m only lampooning Ant to try and get away from the fact that I’ve got a lump in my throat having watched that. Now I know how Amanda Holden feels.
Werka opined:
‘Now I know how Amanda Holden feels’
You lucky fucker.
“Thanks for the VHS player, i am wide with joy and currently using it to fuss myself rapidly.”
I have no empty socks, only ones that are glued shut.
Elie Ngandu is surely my resident Nigerian scammer/spammer.
I’m with you on the way the rant builds to a crescendo: wish I could feel that passionate about something.
Several more palpably mad comments and a self-published book of questionable sanity
Hang on… that’s me, isn’t it?
‘everyone knows that success in the competition essentially relies on the ability to make Amanda Holden blub like a scalded four year old’ AHA!
now i have plan - i go on tv show in britain’s talent and i scald the amanda holden. she blub and i win. i go to buckinham pals with the dog of dance.
IT’S HEVEN ON EARTH!
Didn’t he change his name to Cesar? WHAT HAS HE GOT TO HIDE?
I couldn’t breathe I laughed so much at that post. Alas, the other folk in the library don’t seem as impressed. :S
So what happened to them birds with the violins? They were well fit, mostly. Did they get a prize, or was it all to do with wet kids with curvature of the spine? It wasn’t called ‘Britain’s got cripples’, was it?
I’m pretending I don’t know how it ended up. Like I was away on business and so forth.