Werthers Original Imperialists30 Apr 2008 01:12 pm
By Nelson
Thanks to Lucie for this one from a BBC article about the A.S.A.
Well after reading this I have concluded that there’s not much point in having ASA. As far as I’m concerned all of these complaints should have seen the adverts banned, as should all adverts of female hygiene products. How standards have slipped with the passage of time. Bring back Mary Whitehouse, I say.
Anne Porter, Belfast
There should be a women-only channel where women can talk about their disgusting secret without having to worry men and children about it. It’s especially important to protect young girls from the truth, just in case they start thinking it’s perfectly normal.
But… but… but… she’s a woman! Does she have a special hole into her house into which she crawls for four days a month so as not to offend any passing menfolk?
James - She lives in Belfast, which is the capital of The Land That Time Forgot. Given the fundamentalist religious loons that seem to populate that corner of the planet it’s entirely possible that such a hole is provided for her. Close to her kitchen, I suspect.
Quite how she got access to the internet I don’t know. Or, indeed access to literacy.
I agree with her that mary whitehouse should be brought back, preferably as a shambling zombie haplessly stumbling around trying to gnaw on human brains
Dang! I was gonna submit that one!!!!
I’m all in favour of a women’s only menstrual-related television channel. Here are a list of suitable names:
*Gusset.tv
*Tampontelly
*Tampontelly +1
*Tampontelly News 24
*Channel Red Beef
(The option to press the ‘Red Button’ would not be included on any of these channels.)
MTTV (Music Tampon-TellyVision)
Featuring all the greatest hits from tampon commercials (”Whoooaaaa Body Form. Body Formed for YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!”)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - BOTTY FARM! BOTTY FARMED FOR YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Bring back Mary Whitehouse, I say.
I’ll lend you a shovel. Be warned, she might smell a bit funky by now.
RokTV did the pantysmile thing with Nirvana 14/15 years ago (jesus saying that makes me feel old):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8DP_MyPddo&feature=related
A comfy pal who says “nevermind”
Zombie Mary Whitehouse - anti rag week, pro brain eating. Gets my vote.
We should start a lexicon of phrases that automatically qualify a comment for IYLISMWDYGLT. I’d like to start the ball rolling with:
Bring back…
I for one…
FACT!
You couldn’t make it up.
Any other suggestions?
The best one of all:
“Who cares?”
It’s always vaguely annoyed me that “Take That” stole this tune for one of their songs (don’t ask me which, it’s the one where the chorus sounds EXACTLY like the Bodyform song). Actually, what REALLY annoyed me is that nobody else ever knows which Take That song I’m on about, despite it being EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BODYFROM SONG.
Look what happened. It’s annoyed me so much I had to look through a Take That discography and then find it.
WARNING: This link takes you to a “Take That” video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NETAkSTzIu8
Check it out, two minutes in. Sing along. Woooaaaah! Bodyform!
Nelson spazzed…
Um.. I accidentally edited Jake the Rat’s comment instead of adding my own. Well wrong. I’ll put it back when Wordpress emails me it
Done.
My favourite guarantee that the rest of the comment will be petulant, racist and arsemeltingly stupid is the phrase “silent majority”.
“(The option to press the ‘Red Button’ would not be included on any of these channels.)”
TeeHee
Maybe they could pull a string as an alternative?
You could then ask the remote control (under the none pressing of red button circumstances) if it would mind finishing you off in its mouth instead.
The remote control would then say “no”, I would storm off to bed and manipulate my genitals over some mature porn that would render all but the hardiest of men flaccid as a dead trout…
…what were we talking about again?
One of my favourite HYS cliches is:
“NEXT!”
But the best catchphrase I’ve ever seen on IYLISMWDYGLT is:
“IT IS HELL ON EARTH, PEOPLE!!! WAKE UP, OPEN YOUR MIND, WOMEN ARE ALREADY EQUAL TO MEN, NEXT STOP IS ANIMALS EQUAL TO WOMEN, which means to MEN, WHAT A SHAME!!”
Just the way he drops the caps lock for 3 words makes it genius.
Other classis HYS lead ins;
“I don’t mean to offend but….”
followed by something utterly offensive.
Any “they” combo e.g.
“They say”
“They tell us”
Whose “they” you idiot? The Daily Mail?
“I’m not a racialist but…”
I too am in favour of banning ads for feminine hygiene products. And banning the products as well. More, dirtier women please.
Also: “liberal elite”
“normal people like us”
“people like you and I”
Usually spouted by some barely-literate lorna-pope esque “character” you would cross 2 galaxies to avoid being associated with.
“Wake up you people”
“It’s not difficult”
Anything that equates New Labour to socialism
I’m a little unsure as to why I included all the hypons but will put it down to one too many at lunch time?!
Anyone who says ‘political correctness’ or PC or PC brigade, will invariably be complaining that they are no longer able to call people ‘wogs’, ‘queers’ or ’spastics’.
Also when the subject of capital/corporal punishment comes up and they offer to carry it out personally, with a twinkle in their eye and a housebrick in each hand. Those are the f*cking lunatics that really scare me.
“Why should I…”
“hard-working/taxpaying families”
Anyone referring to white British people as “indigenous”, especially as a prelude to claiming equal victim status with Aborigines, native Americans, etc.
isn’t it with a housebrick in one hand and a pair of pliers in the other?Not that I even understood that…
The use of the phrase “so-called” is a nice indication of tripe.
So-called “Britain’s got talent”
So-called human rights
So-called Nu Labour
etc etc
Most important of all, anything along the lines of ‘if you like it so much why don’t you go live there?’
Nicknames are a HYS favourite too - if they are kneejerk and simple:
David “Commie Ron”
Gordon “Clown”
Tony “Bliar”
“Londonistan”
“It’s the emperors new clothes syndrome again”
Don’t forget ‘red ken’ king of Londonistan
Oh, and “Make no mistake,” which means “I am going to spout the same bollocks as all the other slope-headed morons, but in a patronising tone.”
Tell Lucie ‘I love her’.
How did you miss these?
…well what about MY “human rights”!?!!?!?
This mad Marxist government…
[order to HMG or BBC...NOW! [I blame Power Rangers]
Yadda yadda yadda appeasement
Winston Churchill/Lord Nelson/King Henry V/George Orwell/Winston Churchill must be spinning in his grave! [or often, What would Winston Churchill/Lord Nelson/King Henry V/George Orwell/Winston Churchill say?
And my personal favourite:
I expect this thread will be dominated by the fanatical anti-American/anti-Israeli leftists as usual
]]
“Well, actually, (insert ill-informed bigoted semi-coherent bullshit here)… I think you’ll find”
Anyway, I don’t know why she’s gone all blotchy about rag ads. I find the constant association between winsome children & puppies and going for a shit far more disturbing.
Anne’s really a man with menstrual envy.
I want more realism in my tampon ads. There’s no honour in earning your piss-weak blue wings, I’ll tell you that much for nowt.
The concept of bringing back Mary Whitehouse makes me think of that reanimated corpse on The Day Today.
“if these rag week adverts don’t get banned from our TV screens then there ain’t no… juuustice”.
the stupefying use of “human rights” as an adjective, and a negative one.
——————————
a nirvana tampon advert - the devil’s music advertising a product for the devil’s organ, or so-called organ. what an unholy alliance. these satanist atheists were probably behind it.
The use of quotation marks when not actually quoting anything, esp. to denote some sort of (not very) ironic juxtaposition.
eg. “Great” Britain, British “citizens”, HYS being an excellent forum for promoting “understanding” etc.
bbc flaps
When I read this comment earlier, I KNEW it would end up on here at some point.
ANYTHING WRITTEN IN CAPITALS FOLLOWED BY EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretending you’ve said something revolutionary, that you’ve revealed a truth so fundamental that the bbc would never dare to put it on their wankfilledhatepages for fear of mass rioting once word got around, for example -
“Spicks and Wops are shit, PUBLISH THIS IF YOU DARE BBC.”
Obviously it’s a false negative to say these are inevitably always published, becuase we’ve no way of knowing, but there does seem to be an awful lot of ‘daring’ on the part of the bbc.
@Helen: On the subject of “people like…”, I saw an advertising van out earlier in the week with a gurning^Wsmiling white conventional-looking family on the side and the slogan “People like you, voting BNP”.
No, “people like me” would be “people who *can* see through a tissue-thin cover for the National Front”.
any mention of emigrating
Any comment that ends with FACT! or END OF! as if that makes the previous meandering racism an irrefutable statement of truth.
Use of the word ’should’ is always a sign of worse to come….though maybe a bit above the level of this lot!
‘right-thinking people’ used to encourage the election of a BNP Mayor of London.
It’s almost enough to make me vote for one of the others ::shudder::
I particularly dislike
“Tony Bliar”
“Nu Labour”
especially since the terms are so completely out of date now
I my opinion, you can tell me that I am wrong with a careful logical argument but I will ignore it, I think that the Moon Cup needs more coverage on the television.
http://www.mooncup.co.uk
No doubt the liberal PC tree huggers will find something to COMPLAIN ABOUT.
“Rip-off Britain”
and its cousin
“No wonder I’m emigrating”, usually from someone with no plans to emigrate.
Not to mention: “Think of the children!”
and
“Think of the Princes!”
“No wonder I’m emigrating” is at its loveliest in a comment about how awful immigrants are, of course.
Any occurence of these phrases makes my brain shut down:
“nanny state” - usually mentioned in the same sentence as “liberals”, which is a contradiction in terms.
“do-gooders” - as thought there’s something wrong with trying to do good.
“in my humble opinion” - if any of these flapdoodles really thought their opinion was humble, they wouldn’t be ramming it into the internet like it’s a matter of international importance.
i like that the mooncup has instructions which recommend not putting it in the dishwasher. menstrual blood and washing up, what could be a finer combination?
I say just ban all adverts.
“No brainer” is usually a good indication of the usual tripe that’s either about to be spouted, or has just been. Imply from that what you will (I personally imply that they don’t have a brain, or refuse to use it, in the belief that it’ll turn them into a “liberal-elite namby-pamby do-gooder nanny-state-loving commie bastard”)