spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Anya.

Why are western people so obsessed with the whole human right thing in China?

You live there or what?

Chinese people feel happy and satisfy in China and do not wish the country turn into a place that:
you have to be aware of everything when you walk alone at night; teenage crimes on the newspaper (like everyday?); students can carry guns to school; bias, evil-minde medias everywhere.

If you like it here, keep it to yourselves.
Laura H, london

You have to hand it to these oppressive regimes, they certainly keep the trains running on time.

Do you struggle to contain your anger?

What rubbish is this? Anger is another emotion like happiness, sadness etc. It is what you do with your anger that makes it positive or negative. I never try to subdue my anger as that would result in me boiling over eventually. All you people who say that anger should be subdued, deny that you get angry, or say that you find it easy to not be angry are all very much in need of therapy - many of you are probably serial killers, even if you have not killed yet, it is in you to do so.
Stuart Booth, Northampton, United Kingdom

It’s the same with your paedophilia. It’s better to rub yourself harmlessly against one child every day than bottle it all up until you eventually abduct one.

Thanks to Tom for finding this one over at Metro. It’s from an article about a dog that got onto the electoral register.

I like the way it slowly builds from a really dull anecdote into a mildly incoherent rant until the sudden mention of a talking dog triggers an explosive finale.

Last week I was watching the so-called Britain’s got Talent, a young girl about 13 went on stage with her female friend, I can’t remenber her name. Anyway, the young girl’s friend, Mrs Dogs, dance a free dance, all the audience were even emotioned, they were so amazed that all the judges voted 3 yes for the DOG, so the next round, it will be dogs competing people.
Lets guess the Dog win the competition, the queen will be entertained by the highly talented thing of 2008 in Britain: A DOG, nobody has got much talent as that DOG.

One day scientists will genetically create a DOG speaking like the one in Man in Black movie. They will be compared to mankind.

IT IS HELL ON EARTH, PEOPLE!!! WAKE UP, OPEN YOUR MIND, WOMEN ARE ALREADY EQUAL TO MEN, NEXT STOP IS ANIMALS EQUAL TO WOMEN, which means to MEN, WHAT A SHAME!!
Elie Ngandu, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK

Feeling better? Purged? Like an empty sock?

Thanks to David. Is rap right for Glastonbury?

Yo Dj wiffa on da block wif sum bagin riffs for than. Give us spot wif the Glastonbery vibe and we wilst keep it bagin and popin all night than cos we is hot and wot we got is wot yuos want
YO keep it real
Limbic Lesion, Halifax, United Kingdom

Your flow is prodigous.

Glastonbury just isn’t cool and radical anymore. I stopped going when it went commercial. So yes, hip-hop is probably just about right for Glastonbury. The cool crowd have moved on.
Alastair McGowan, Hereford, United Kingdom

Damn. I’m always so far behind the times. Help me out Al, what’s radical in Hereford at the moment? What, precisely, is the beef about?

Thanks to Angel. This is from a thread about age gaps in relationships.

“At the age of 78 former German Chancellor Helmut Kohl is to marry his girlfriend Maike Richter, who is 35 years his junior.”

My father is 77 and I am 44. I can’t imagine the attraction other than money.

Julie P, Atlanta, United States

You do realise that you’ll probably inherit it all even if you stop sleeping with him?

That thread is almost entirely populated with two responses (”she’s after his money” and “it’s a private matter”), so the occasional departures really stand out. Rodney Trotter is ploughing his own, slightly wonky, furrow.

It isn’t a question of age, but whether they have a similar outlook on life, aspirations, humour, and of course, love. Two adults with alot in common will always gravitate towards each other, regardless of age.

Anybody on the other hand, who wants to have a relationship with a child, ought to be exterminated.

Rodney Trotter, New York-Paris-Peckham

It works best if you imagine Rodney pausing after his first paragraph and gazing into the distance, a slight smile playing on his lips. He’s remembering a past love: the thrill of the chase, picnics in the park, laughter, the way his eyes would linger on hers until that summer dress lures his gaze down, between her breasts… then he thinks about paedophiles and the best way to murder them.

Another from the racist thread.

I am white, middle class and a liberal internationalist politically and have been deeply involved in human rights, multi-cuturalism and inter-faith work. But, I am now massively alienated from the moral relativist agenda of the elites of the liberal left.
Many white working class people believe that the PC elites despise them and want to destroy their identity. From much of what I have seen, I fear this is partially true. I am now repudiating liberalism as I see it as deeply harmful to society.
dan

That reminds me of the time Hitler rose to power and I had to repudiate socialism and moustaches.

Thanks to Jo.

I have a shore fire way to stop terrorism. Remove the follows of the religion that must not be named from Britain, and then the rest of the free world.
Aussie Pride, Cronulla, Australia

I’ll pop it in the suggestion box along with my idea for curing athlete’s foot by burning everybody’s feet off with a special foot-removing cream.

Thanks to Stephen. Should organ transplant law be changed?

In a word - disgusting.

This episode leaves a very nasty taste in the mouth and just totally out of order. Stolen body parts spring to mind.

And if this is how transplantion takes place in this country then I for one will never allow anyone except my immediate family to have any worthwhile part of me on my death. And if that upsets some people, well tough. You’ve made your bed with such rules and it looks like this is going to put a lot of people off from offering their organs.
Lost on earth

I pity the poor doctors tasked with finding a “worthwhile part” of your corpse. They’d have to use a sieve. Throw the poor fuckers a bone: swallow a few bits of useful ironmongery before you cark it?

Thanks to Chris for finding this chap. I particularly enjoyed this one from the debate on smacking.

I had a dream last night.

My son was chewing an electrical cable, I decided not to smack him, but told him off in a very forceful manner.

HE’S DEAD NOW!
[spanner345]

You’ve certainly made me think twice about whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to say.

Though I think my favourite is this one from “Should we encourage outdoor play?”

As most sex offenders are close family members, the safest place for a child is outdoors, playing away from the family.

This sounds totally crazy, but it is sadly, probably true.

Get the kids outside climbing trees e.t.c., it’s good for ‘em.
[spanner345]

Whilst it’s good to hear someone taking a stand over this, you should bear in mind that over 60% of paedo-fiddlings actually occur up or near a tree. Also, it enables paedos with gas-bombs to just gas-bomb the tree and then wait for the children to fall out into a blanket, like so many monkeys. THINK BEFORE YOU POST.

Haven’t posted any of Lorna Pope’s astounding stupidity for ages. It seems that a small pool of saliva has shorted her capslock key again.

“Are smaller schools better?”

WOULDN,T SMALLER SCHOOLS MEAN LESS TEACHERS WITCH WOULD MEAN MORE CHANCE OF THE KIDS RUNNING RIOT.
lorna pope, WIRRAL, United Kingdom

I guess so. There’s pros as well as cons though. Let’s weigh them up:

Pros

• Smaller riots
• Smaller windows - less risk of broken glass
• Smaller playground - less likely to end up as a Tesco
• Tiny roof tiles - much cheaper than normal size roof tiles
• Very small doors - keeps out all but the tiniest paedos

Cons

• Less dinner lady - sometimes only half a leg
• Tiny exercise books much harder to mark
• Whilst paedo attack risk is lessened, any successful attacks are extremely dangerous as the paedo is able to abduct large numbers of children in a single handful
• Children grow fast - classrooms quickly buckle as they expand
• Extremely difficult knitting tiny teatowels for nativity play