Permanently Bewildered12 May 2008 04:06 pm
By Nelson

Thanks to Becca and Iain who both sent me this one from “Should human embryos be used for science?”.

Absolutely not. I know God exists and I also know inside his mind. He absolutely does not want mankind to use Embryonic research to find cures for things like Parkinson’s disease. I have no desire to benefit from it but, I also do not want other people to benefit from this research as well, regardless of whether they believe in God or not. Therefore I demand that this research does not take place. Pray for a cure instead. If God wants to cure you he will, if he want you to be a cabbage so be it.
Brian Brown, London, UK

I look forward to a heated debate about whether not Brian is an unfunny pisstake or a genuine, terrifying arsewound.

I found this one too.

Its very easy to tell someone they’re going to die when you believe that once their dead, part of them with live forever in lala land. Back in the real world how soon will it be before “saviour siblings” are being used to grow male genitals for women? etc etc
angry man

And what’s wrong with that? Finally, a chance for women to become full, rounded human beings with cocks of their own!

Perhaps you are right to worry though. I don’t think “Nu Liar-bore” (god I’m subversive) will stop at merely providing spare, farmed, cock for all those in need. I expect they’ll force everyone to have a FOREIGNER’S COCK growing on their neck or something. Probably a muslim cock. Pretty, white, christian girls will end up with massive, permanently erect, foreign cocks on their neck. Then, right, Gordon “Clown” will introduce a tax on neck-cocks! You couldn’t make it up!

26 Responses to “You Couldn’t Make It Up”

  1. on 12 May 2008 at 4:20 pm scoshi

    Me not want cabbage. Therefore God exists.
    Or something.

  2. on 12 May 2008 at 4:33 pm Johnny bergkamp

    What about those Poles downstairs?? God has decided that they must eat cabbage every bloody night. Damn you God!!!

  3. on 12 May 2008 at 5:14 pm Wingflame

    As far as I can tell, religion is brought into EVERY DEBATE EVER about Science.

    These debates generally consist of Atheists and Christians having virtual penis-measuring contests, and never getting anywhere.

  4. on 12 May 2008 at 5:16 pm themagicmonkey

    Just be glad Brian Brown is only able to post his drivel on HYS, although this is irrelevent because the Bishop of Durham is able to spread much the same rubbish from a respectable position and not while sat behind a desk, wanking to make up for his lack of real friends.

  5. on 12 May 2008 at 5:24 pm James

    I think you’ve got angry man the wrong way round. He’s not decrying the incipient mandatory filial cockage, he’s desperately begging to know how soon it can happen. Perhaps he needs a replacement set of genitalia after a bandsaw accident, or some overenthusiastic onanism gone wrong?

  6. on 12 May 2008 at 7:58 pm Robin

    In an Internet Argument About Religion, someone once very carefully and eloquently convinced me that to believe in God was to sneakily assume absolute moral authority for oneself. The argument could have been a lot simpler if he’d just pointed to Brian.

  7. on 12 May 2008 at 8:29 pm Em

    Definitely an unfunny piss-take.

  8. on 13 May 2008 at 6:28 am Jordan

    God wanted you to be a vegetable, just like he’s love to say that he invented Gays, Muslims and Rapists, but he knows that idiots like Signoir Bollock-tongue Brown wouldn’t defend him as vigourously

  9. on 13 May 2008 at 9:16 am Helen

    Back in the real world how soon will it be before “saviour siblings” are being used to grow male genitals for women? etc etc

    What on earth could the etc etc be?!

    Looking forward to my pre-grown male genitals though. Oh, to one day be accepted into the world of snooker commentary…

  10. on 13 May 2008 at 9:18 am Helen

    Do you think hat if God actually exists it really pissed Him off that his core supporter appears to consist of a group of Brian Browns?

  11. on 13 May 2008 at 9:40 am Mooska

    Yes! I’m going to order a REALLY enormous cock, and then after I’ve experimented with wanking angry-orchestra style, I’m going to use it to bum Richard Littlejohn.

  12. on 13 May 2008 at 9:55 am Ben

    Brian is neither an unfunny pisstake or a genuine, terrifying arsewound. He is clearly the Messiah. All hail Brian!

    He’s not the messiah. He’s a very naughty boy.

  13. on 13 May 2008 at 9:59 am Scaryduck

    God already provides “male genitals” for single, attractive, athletically-built young ladies in the form of various root vegetables.

    I saw this on a specialist, heavily-illustrated website, and I have no reason to believe they lied.

  14. on 13 May 2008 at 11:14 am HJ

    “Therefore I demand that this research does not take place.”

    I demand that your ISP shoot you in the head.

    Best 2 out of 3?

  15. on 13 May 2008 at 11:14 am Amber

    Brian, can you let me know what God wants me to have for dinner tonight??

  16. on 13 May 2008 at 11:55 am admirable chrichton

    Brian got one of those eggs with two yolks today. Therefore God must exist. Brian hates stuff, It must be banned.

  17. on 13 May 2008 at 12:22 pm JonR

    i thought this post was lame because the first item is clearly a pisstake (albeit one written by an imbecile), but you totally redeemed yourself with your frightening picture of a dystopian neck-cocked future world.

    no doubt UK PLC will soon become even more of a “mecca” for immigrants wanting to come over here and take advantage of free neck-cocks on the NHS, paid for of course by the hard-working white taxpayer and measured when stiff using all metric and that because of the EU.

  18. on 13 May 2008 at 1:10 pm philbert

    If this neck-cock plan should come to pass, I know that all the right-thinking members of the silent majority will join me in emigrating, probably to Spain where we can stride around in our leisure slacks playing golf, refusing to learn the language and complaining about how hot the weather is.

  19. on 13 May 2008 at 7:49 pm mr nworb

    Brian’s on your sides you eejits. I thought it was a point well made myself.

  20. on 14 May 2008 at 8:47 am pete simmons

    MY thoughts are with the pandas at Wolong Nature Reserve.
    Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom”

    At first I thought WHAT?!! Then I thought, the humans have a choice, they can live were they want and decided to live in an earthquake zone. The Panda’s however, they are basicly in prison.

    Christopher Davies, Chippenham, United

  21. on 14 May 2008 at 9:34 am Mooska

    “MY thoughts are with the pandas at Wolong Nature Reserve.”

    Hahahahahaha! I love the image of TT’s pointless thoughts spazzing their way over to China, to hang around oblivious bamboo-munching pandas like a single-watt bulb. Especially if it means fewer of them on HYS.

  22. on 14 May 2008 at 3:27 pm Simon

    sorry kids but brian is definitely taking the piss, and he has as little regard for the church as me or you, or the next communist do-gooder human rights congestion charger.

  23. on 15 May 2008 at 11:40 am bigruss

    God is a gas.

  24. on 18 May 2008 at 4:55 pm Miss

    Is if facetious to point out the one of the basic things they teach you at christianity camp is that one can never know “the mind of God”? Otherwise you’d understand why God make you a heartless, mindless leach on resources?

  25. on 23 May 2008 at 1:01 am capnbob

    Brian is definitely taking the piss.

    Or I’m going to kill myself and two or three thousand other innocent people.


  26. [...] You couldn’t make it up. [...]