spEak You’re bRanes

21 Responses to “Girl On Girl”

1. on 15 May 2008 at 4:00 pm   Don Durito
   
   

   Wait. They have dragons in Eastenders now? Is this some sort of Harry Potter-inspired move to boost ratings? I might have to tune in later to check this out.

2. on 15 May 2008 at 4:03 pm   domino
   
   

   ever since Wille the dog died, they’ve been wanting to reintroduce a token animal to be politically correct.

   Or something.

   and “BrainOfMorbiusSpeaks”? Look what happened to him at the end of that film…

3. on 15 May 2008 at 4:09 pm   wayne
   
   

   Yeah, he was killed by the furies and taken away by his sister.

4. on 15 May 2008 at 4:49 pm   Fish
   
   

   I think BOMS is secretly relishing the emasculation, and hopes it includes strapons.

5. on 15 May 2008 at 4:53 pm   Jake the Rat
   
   

   Oh. My. Fuck.

   The stupid - it burnsssss…

   I’m picturing BrainOfMorbiusSpeaks being repeatedly rabbit punched by Tura Satana shouting “HOW MANY COCKS DOES YOUR WIFE HAVE? HUH?? EMASCULATE THIS, BITCH!!!”

   Dagnabbit, now I have the horn.

6. on 15 May 2008 at 4:55 pm   Joe
   
   

   And can I just point out the other major flaw in his reasoning? Drugs and booze are cool. Really, really fucking cool.

7. on 15 May 2008 at 4:56 pm   Dave
   
   

   Er, doesn’t he mean masculinisation or masculinification or something; basically the polar opposite of emasculation?

   Understandable though. When inflammable means flammable, what’s a speaking brain to do?

8. on 15 May 2008 at 5:01 pm   Roffle
   
   

   I for one am terrorised daily by emasculated girls who mistake me for a vampire.

9. on 15 May 2008 at 6:20 pm   Tin King
   
   

   “Oi mate, why does your missus keep havin’ a go at you? She’s a right fire-breathin’ reptile.”
   “What do you expect? Her mother’s a dragon!”

   Hmm… definitely no joke there, sorry.

10. on 15 May 2008 at 6:35 pm   James
    
    

    The ‘Drugs and alcohol = cool’ culture

    Well they were until you brought maths into it, you fucking square.

11. on 15 May 2008 at 6:38 pm   James
    
    

    He does have a point though. I’ve been looking at the figures in depth and it turns out 15% of the rise can be accounted for by incidents in which the crime was committed against people who resemble or demonstrate support for the policies of Mojojojo. And undeadist hate crimes are through the fucking roof!

12. on 15 May 2008 at 7:20 pm   Scribbles
    
    

    And as an undead, giant brained monkey who just wants a peaceful pint down the Vic I have to agree with Mr Speaks. Why can’t those little whores just stop with their cartoons and their quirky teen dramedies and cook my fucking dinner?

13. on 15 May 2008 at 9:40 pm   Rhinestone Choirboy
    
    

    To be fair, it is obvious why women are trying to grow neck cocks. If you combine feminine wiles with masculine cock you have a being capable of taking over the world.

    Not sure what he means by dragging the Powerpuff Girls into it though. I mean, sure they smoked a bit of crack and turned tricks to fund their habit, but they never tried to glamorise what they were doing.

14. on 16 May 2008 at 12:34 am   awesom-o-4000
    
    

    Ask yourself this: what would Elie Ngandu do?

    I can tell you this, he would certainly put a stop to dogs’ talking cocks being grafted onto our women. Then he might go for a cup of tea and a nice sandwich. Or perhaps watch some telly.

15. on 16 May 2008 at 12:42 am   awesom-o-4000
    
    

    Actaully, I think what Elie Ngandu would do is breed women shorter, to avoid the creation of MONSTERS.

    http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=144216&in_page_id=34&expand=true

16. on 16 May 2008 at 9:22 am   sir jon dangerous
    
    

    I dunno, girls these days, going around getting forrun peado cocks grafted onto their necks, then cutting them off, opening minicab firms, marrying Mike Read and killing vampires. I blame Tony B-Liar and Gordon Clown and the rest of the liberal nazi commie ZaNu-Labour-PF fascists. You couldn’t make it up! But I could - and have.

17. on 16 May 2008 at 9:32 am   philbert
    
    

    So basically, women are less manly nowadays than they used to be, and it’s all Professor Utonium’s fault?

18. on 16 May 2008 at 10:24 am   Mr Cat
    
    

    Can we set up an area of this site and call it “Elie watch” where people can amass all the genius of Elie Ngandu in one place?

    I think Elie deserves his own website - even if he is a fake he deserves credit for generating such a powerful response to his insane ramblings.

19. on 16 May 2008 at 10:30 am   Mr Cat
    
    

    I also see that angryman of genitalia-growing fame is obliquely placing the fault of deforestation firmly at the popes door

    China is the only country tackling this problem with its 1 baby per couple policy.

    Latin America is run ideologically by the Pope, with his ‘more and more souls for our Lord’, no abortions, no birth control policy

    Want to stop deforestation in Latin America? knock on the Popes door first

    angry man

20. on 16 May 2008 at 11:16 am   James
    
    

    That’s frighteningly close to being a coherent argument, athoiugh naturally he’s clothed it in just enough vitriol and oversimplification as to render it practically meaningless. And he doesn’t explain how we’re supposed to keep birth rates down with neck-cocks playing about with our testosterone levels…

21. on 18 May 2008 at 10:36 am   Eddie
    
    

    Oh god. In this case I think “The Brain of Morbius” refers to the 1976 Dr Who serial of the same name. You can actually tell he’s a 70s retro Who fan because he uses the phrase “Women’s lib”.