There’s so much of this stuff I don’t think I can carry on splitting it up so much or I’ll be generating TOO MUCH content. Then all the ISPs will come and ask me for money to help provide the service their customers are paying them for.
BREAKFAST (TV NEWS)
“I am sick of the constant mispronunciation of the word ‘February’ on this programme.”
“Declan Curry should have told the couple wearing sunglasses with the baby, that their baby was squinting against the sun and that they should have therefore protected its eyes as well as their own.”
Re. Sex Education: “I feel that it is so irresponsible to talk about sex this early in the morning. There could be young children watching and they certainly do not need to know about this yet. It should be the parents decision to inform children about sexual education and not a news programme.”
“The presenter keeps saying the word for ‘ate’ by pronouncing it as ‘et’ this is very poor spoken English.”
ESCAPE TO THE COUNTRY
“The programme suffered as a result of the presenters using the word ‘okay’ too often. It was said so many times, that it made me switch off. It is frustrating to hear the same phrases said too many times.”
PANORAMA - PRISONS UNLOCKED
“The programme should have investigated the possibility of using prison ships to hold prisoners.”
WATCHDOG
“The programme used animals to highlight the problems with a car company. It is a disgrace that animals were used to highlight these faults.”
BREAKFAST (TV NEWS)
“I would like to suggest a new section called ‘what if?’. It would discuss scenarios based on current news items such as ‘what if all the pensioners in the country put up their own candidate and voted for themselves?’ and various other taboo subjects.”
DOCTOR WHO
“I think that there should be a spin-off type programme which emulates I’D DO ANYTHING, were they look for his next assistant from hopefuls around the United Kingdom.”
“I would like Michael Caine to appear in a future episode.”
EASTENDERS
Felt the scene where Steven Beale tried to suffocate Pat Butcher was unsuitable for broadcast. “I was appalled to see Steven attempt to smother Pat with a pillow. I was watching with my young grandchildren and this was not what I wanted them to see. At the very least there should have been a warning before the programme to warn parents.”
Felt it was inappropriate to show two men kissing. “My four year old son was watching this. I had to explain to him that it was not right to kiss boys.”
GENERAL TV
“I do not want to see David Cameron on the television anymore.”
ONE SHOW
Feels that the programme is excellent. “I watch it every night, although Adrian Chiles needs to sit properly or he will damage his back in later life.”
BREAKFAST (TV NEWS)
“Sian Williams relaxed manner makes her very easy to watch.”
“Would it be possible to get a weather forecast from Carol Kirkwood without her being inundated with compliments by the other presenters? Does she have such low self-esteem that she has to be encouraged all the time? I find it very irritating.”
EGGHEADS
“I am unhappy that the Eggheads always have silly grins on their faces, when the Challengers get an answer wrong.”
HEROES (US SERIES)
“I thought that it was wrong to broadcast images of a girl cutting off one of her toes at this time of the evening. I understand that it was after the Watershed, but in my opinion it was still too early for something like this to appear on TV. Children would undoubtedly still be awake and it could give them the idea to copy the girl.”
ONE SHOW
Felt it was inappropriate for a presenter to yawn at the camera. “We were eating our tea at the time and it was disgusting.”
“The smallest house in Wales is not in Conway as you reported but it is in Llanrwst.”
38 Responses to “Bumper Crop #7”
I don’t want to see David Cameron on the telly any more either. He’s got a face like an iced bun.
They’re all frog’s frou-frou (checks its Tuesday).
The last one is definately the best. Imagine the lax standards that television has fallen to when TV presenters can YAWN, UNCENCORSED during tea time. If these trends continue it’ll nought be long before presenters are defecating onto orphans then wiping their arse with copies of the bible live on telly. Its a slippery slope.
Never mind the use of animals to illustrate car problems in Watchdog, what about the use of a metaphorical creature in the title of the program? Well? Well?
Since that episode of heroes I’ve been cutting off appendages willy nilly. Thank god the saviour sibling bill has passed; my new cock is already being grafted onto a babies neck.
The David Cameron remark also seems prefectly reasonable to me.
I was going to say that “what if” was the absolute best, but then the hits kept on coming. The Adrian Chiles one is priceless.
If all the pensioners put up their own candidate and voted for themselves, then we’d have the Liberal Democrats.
has nobody invented the device that allows me to stab peoples faces over the internet yet?
I think that for splurges of banality like this comments should be disabled so that we can view the prose in all its glory without sullying commentary like what I’m writing now.
I loved the fact that pensioners being able to nominate and vote for their own candidates was considered a “taboo subject”… like incest or paedophilia
EGGHEADS
“I am unhappy that the Eggheads always have silly grins on their faces, when the Challengers get an answer wrong.”
I totally agree with this one.
You laugh at that toe comment, but my four-year-old son watched inappropriate programming on television. He was so affected by it that he also embarked on a futile quest to capture a road-runner, sustaining countless near-fatal injuries in the process.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
“My four year old son was watching this. I had to explain to him that it was not right to kiss boys.”
This is just another example of the homonazis trying to make my son into A Gay. First there’s kissing on television, next they tell kids in school that some people have two dads.
They might as well dress them all up as GIRLS and make them parade in front of the whole family at Christmas, all the time daddy’s laughing at me…daddy ……daddy………
I agree that that episode of Heroes should not have been shown.
I don’t particularly care about kids copying that behaviour. The noisy little bastards can all drink bleach for all I care. I just think Heroes is shite.
The complaints board is only there to illustrate how high brow the HYS comments really are.
Just you wait til Topsy Turvy et al get stuck into complaints. It could spark a revolution, with Lorna Pope or better still Elie Ngandu, as leader.
Dear BBC, I do not want to hear David Cameron’s voice on television any more. Can you please dub over him like you used to do for Gerry Adam’s? I would like Michael Caine to be given the job, and remember I pay my license fee…
Could you imagine if Lorna Pope and Elie Ngandu had, and raised, a child together?
IF WE SPENT MORE TIME ON FIGHTING CRIME AND LESS TIME ON WHO HAS TAKEN MORE FISH THEN IT IS HELL ON EARTH, PEOPLE WOMEN ARE ALREADY EQUAL TO MEN WITCH WOULD MEAN MORE CHANCE OF THE KIDS RUNNING RIOT!!!
I feel ill.
Clearly she doesn’t want them getting ideas…
Mr Cat, you’re scaring me. Go and have a lie down.
I feel that the BBC should make a programme about using electromagnetic weapons on David Cameron.
I “courted” Ffilip’s mam from behind last night.
Don’t they realise the couple in sunglasses were burning out the corneas of their baby on purpose, to stop it from ever seeing anything inappropriate. They were on the same side as the HYS complainers. Scorch the babies’ eyes out. They’ll thank you for it later when it stops them turning gay.
I just love it when people try to be smug and just look fucking stupid instead.
Case in point:
‘The smallest house in Wales is not in Conway as you reported but it is in Llanrwst.’
First of all, it’s Conwy, not Conway. Secondly, Llanrwst is in Conwy.
Fucktards.
Shitcocks!
ESCAPE TO THE COMPLAINTS
The Complaints section has suffered directly as a result of the lack of originality by its posters by using the words “The” and “Programme” too often. Its frustrating and I’ve had to force drawing pins into both my eyes as a result.
No. You didn’t.
First, he’s four and doesn’t want to kiss anyone. Second, he’s not going to catch the gay from seeing other people who have it. He either is gay or he’s not. You’ve either told him not to do something he wasn’t going to anyway or sown the seeds of self-loathing about something he can’t help being.
You child abusing bastard.
I just love it when people try to be smug and just look stupid instead.
Here’s another case in point:
This looks like the writing of an angry BBC research assistant who lost his/her job over this?
I agree with the criticism about ESCAPE TO THE COUNTRY. Instead of those banal “okays” I would like to see the presenters give an energetic “fuck yeah!!!” to inspire optimism in the Great British Public during these dark times and stop peados.
“Sian Williams relaxed manner makes her very easy to watch.”
The most disturbing by far as you just know he’s not talking about watching her on tv…
Totally agree about David Cameron though.
““The presenter keeps saying the word for ‘ate’ by pronouncing it as ‘et’ this is very poor spoken English.””
I’ll just leave that there.
Does anyone want to see David Cameron on the telly?
Does anyone want to see David Cameron kissing boys on the telly?
Especially immigrant boys?
I’d watch that for a couple of minutes. He’d have to really be going for it, not just giving them little pecks on the cheek.
“I do not want to see David Cameron on the television anymore.”
Amen brother!
“Children would undoubtedly still be awake and it could give them the idea to copy the girl.”
Somebody please think of the children.
I blame the parents…
Those self satisfied EGGHEADS! I also want to kill their sponge-like branes… They mUST BE UNEMPLOYED BLUDGERS LIVING OFF MY HARDEARNED TAXES TO HAVETHATMUCHTIME TO SOAKUPSOMUCHTRIVIANOWONDERTHEY’RE ALL SO FIKKIN FAT!!!!