Permanently Bewildered21 May 2008 08:45 am
By Nelson
Thanks to Mike.
Do any of you out there copulate with animals to reproduce? I think not. What sort of territory are we moving into? This whole exercise will result in the reproduction of some being, neither human nor animal.
The Pheasant Plucker, Norfolk
As Mike pointed out “Of course we don’t copulate with animals to reproduce, it’s just for recreation”. So if your pheasant is telling you that she’s pregnant with your “being”, don’t listen to her, she’s just trying to screw you out of child suppport.
As the ancient Greeks use to say: “A woman for necessity, a boy for pleasure and a goat for ecstasy*.”
Although in Norfolk they add: “… and your sister for procreation*.”
*Hackneyed 1980s observation no. 117
Just imagine the ridicule this not human, not animal being will get in school.
Its hard enough for the brown kids and the imigrunts but some poor lad who cant even wear decent trainers because he has hooves, a liking for eating grass or thinks nothing of shitting where he stands is really going to get it from the bullies.
I like this one a lot. The majority of people would not have had to use the disclaimer “to reproduce”. Obviously if you’re from Norfolk there’s plenty of Animal copulation going around for other reasons.
Fucking a pheasant? That’s a fowl prospect.
(I’m very, very sorry)
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a non-existant paranoid fantasy that could never possibly happen?
No! It’s Pheasant Man!
Ba-da-da-daaaa!
Non-existent. Poor spelling man to the rescue. Bugger.
I love the distinction between humans and animals. We’re what? Plants? Fungus? I wonder if any of these folk ever wonder what a virus does? Isn’t that pretty much the ultimate subversion, when your own cells get turned into factories for not-quite-living quasi-crystalline entities? And where do they think human endogenous retroviruses come from? Thin air? We’re all infected with DNA from other species. It’s part of the human genome.
I guess I’m too much a chicken to face HYS any more. I tried hawking some ideas there, but found too many tits to swallow. Still, larking aside, I should stop parroting on. Wouldn’t want to be accusing of finching any good pun.
Oliver:
From your post I have just come to the realisation that, mainly as sarcasm is hard to detect over the internet, that SYB has in fact become a very close replica of HYS and most independent observers would not be able to tell the difference.
The trouble is that any intelligent person would think that we are also a bunch of morons, and not what we are; a cynical group of flabbergasted beings of this planet appalled at who we have to share the place with!
Your post could quite easily be a seriously left comment, that’s how far things have gone wrong! I’m off to lament the downfall of civilised culture…
Surely an intelligent person could detect the sarcasm. What am I saying? An intelligent person wouldn’t be here. All the intelligent people know that HYS is the bastion of intellectual debate. FACT.
I always thought that human-animal reproduction was how HYS posters came into the world.
I wonder if the pheasant plucker has a son and whether, from time to time, people get the two of them mixed up.
The first Oliver - the biggest problem will be when the Human-Pheasant family go for walks in the countryside, and their hybrid son has to be kept on a lead to prevent him leaping TOWARDS the car windscreen when a driver kindly hoots his horn in warning.
The acid test of postings I think between HYS and SYB is whether they make you smile wryly or even titter in appreciation as opposed to making you howl from frustration or simply bang your head on the desk.
My hope is that my post prompted the former rather than the latter reaction.
Shame this didn’t get spotted in time for AFT yesterday. Whatever happened to those by the way? They used to be the highlight of my week.
Oliver (not Oli).
I have no fucking idea what your post meant but it sounded good and i did smile wryly and titter in appreciation.
So thanks.
Sorry. I got bored of them. I might be able to rustle up a but more enthusiasm if I start including cocks and balls as well. I never thought I’d get bored of fannies but it turns out that, after a while, I need to mix it up a bit to stay interested.
I’m flacking mi boom baps at Oliver’s post. I went to Oli’s blog, and it was duller than his judging of Oliver’s post. I for one thought the former, not the latter. So there you go, all sorted by an Oliver - without an axe nor a grinding stone to grind it on.
As to the Pheasant Plucker, cock off you inbred.
This guy’s name reminds me of a poem I learned when I went to big school. Ahem:
“I’m not a pheasant plucker, I’m a fuckwit with an overactive imagination”.
Great times…
I was furiously indulging in a spot of onanism last night when I was presented with a vision of human/non-human hybrids…A man with the wadger of a small pony.
They’ve been doing this shit for years. You couldn’t make it up!!!
I’ve got bunny ears.
I think in situations like this we should look to Eli Ngandu for guidance.
(Ahem this one was about adopting monkeys but the gist remains the same).
Mr Cat I’m starting to worry about your focus on Elie Ngandu - carry on like this and he will become the first port of call for you whilst forming your opinions and making vital life decisions (e.g. Should I adopt a monkey?) and that will have a negative impact on your brain power, social skills and relations with animals. FACT!!
‘Mawa!’ indeed Elie…Good point, well made! I salute you…
http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=144216&in_page_id=34&expand=true
You couldn’t make it up - well perhaps she did…
Well Helen… as Elie would say …
Did you get that? IMAGINATION IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN KNOWLEDGE. FACT!
Elie is obviously fucking mental!
My cock tastes fowl,he he…i’ll get me coat.
I have in the past, fucked the occasional pheasant,
but using a shotgun, and shooting it, not literally shoving the barrel in its feathery cunt.
now where is my daily mail, i need to learn how to shoot a peasant (or imigrunt)
These human animal hybrids must be stopped! Only last week Doctor Who showed the terrifying results of what happens when a man is half human and half wasp.
Mr Jeer…
I love the distinction between humans and animals.
————————–
Are you forgetting that we were created on a different day to all the animals?
I bet those do-gooders in europe are already drafting a human-animal-hybrid rights bill, and that these mutants are going to get tax-breaks overrepresentation in the police and parliament, until you can’t get a good job without at least a tail or horns, and white christian girls won’t be legally allowed to refuse the marriage-proposals of these goat-frankensteins. it’s an outrage, you couldn’t make it up
I’ve fucked a few dogs in my time, but not the sort that would have the RSPCA knocking on the door.
John, i hear you, it gives me reason to think the human animal hybrid has been with us for years, a hot girl pulled in a night club, can appear very dog like the next morning.
I think Fucko and Lohnjohn are confusing human/animal hybrids with shapeshifters here.
The first are the product of science and the second stem from witchcraft.
We need to be clear on these things.
bitchcraft more like with their mysterious liquid potions that entice you to like them.
at least pheasants don’t spend all your money and scrape your fucking car when they use it, tighter quim too. ive heard…
I tell you what. That cunt obviously hasn’t seen my wife- stupid fucking carrot-cruncher. I’ll bet he’s one of them immigrants what they bring in to pick cabbages in Norfolk and all. Fucking Andrei or Sergei or some fucking shit like that.
AFTs feel ever so slightly soiled after this revelation, Nelson.