Thanks to one of my donors for these entries from the complaints log.
DOCTOR WHO
“A good idea for a storyline would be if the Doctor finds an old record player in the Tardis and plays some old songs on vinyl.”
Space vinyl? Or just normal vinyl from the 16th century?
RADIO 2
“Steve Wright said used the Celsius measurement to provide the weather forecast. This is not the temperature scale I use or anybody else in the UK. Its European Union propaganda and I’m fed up with the BBC constantly pushing it.”
BBC RADIO WM
“Ed Doolan should not have allowed the person being interviewed to promote vegetarian and vegan foods.”
BREAKFAST TV
“There is no need for two presenters on the programme. I also don’t like to see coffee cups on the table.”
CASH IN THE ATTIC
“I am upset by the use of therm ‘anoraks’ by Jennie Bond when a train set was sold. It gives a negative impression of people who have train sets and there is no need for it in my opinion. The term ‘anorak’ conjures up images of men who expose themselves in long trench coats and it is unfair to label people with train sets in this way.”
BBC NEWS (GENERAL)
“I feel there is so much crime in Britain that it warrants its own, separate news programme. This way we could watch the regular news and not be subjected to constant stories about murder and assault”
Brilliant idea! There could be another one all about sport, and another one all about weather. Then they could put them all on, one after the other, in quick succession, using the same presenters.
19 Responses to “Pressing Concerns”
Quite right! Give us Centigrade like that nice Michael Fish always used to!
Interesting. To me, the term ‘anorak’ conjures up images of bomber jackets with nice fleecy collars.
I suspect one of us is wrong, but I don’t know how we’ll decide.
Centaurgrade? This is classical Greek propaganda and I’m fed up with it.
How about a Doctor Who episode where he tidies up the coffee cups on the table?
I wonder what coffee cup related trauma the complainant experienced to find them so distressing.
I for one am glad that my temperature scale preferences have been decided for me by our intrepid complainer. Good job they are not in charge of the EU, or goodness knows what would be decided on my behalf - pounds shilling and pence, cold showers and a nice armband with nicer hat that allows me to beat up furingers for being duffrent.
Rich: Good idea. He could clean them up while listening to old vinyl. Two birds, one stone. He could even castigate vegan and vegetarian food under his breath as he did so.
Come on BBC, this is why we pay our license fee.
> The term ‘anorak’ conjures up images of men who expose themselves in long trench coats
Surely it conjures images of men who expose themselves in anoraks, if anything. These mixed coat metaphors are wrecking my head.
Obviously I need to get out more, but ’space vinyl?’ made me laugh so hard coffee came out of my nose. Which was odd, as I haven’t drunk coffee since 1982 because it’s brown like flashing vegan immurgants. In dirty macs.
“Brilliant idea! There could be another one all about sport, and another one all about weather. Then they could put them all on, one after the other, in quick succession, using the same presenters.”
As usual Nelson, you’ve totally missed the entirely valid point being made by the gent (I said gent) in question.
We need an entirely seperate programme, one solely devoted to violent crime, so that it doesn’t impinge on the delicate sensibilities of those who don’t want to know about it. A kind of ‘watch’ over crime, or perhaps a ‘crime-watch’, if you will. This will naturally lead to all references to violent crime magically disappearing from our news broadcasts. And the world will seem safe again.
Jennie Bond probably uses the term ‘anorak’ because seeing how cash in the attic is a daytime show she can’t call them, ’sad old cunts who are probably kiddie fiddlers that still live at home’
Celsius is utter nonsense. Give us the good old British Kelvin.
So if Dr Who DOES have an episode featuring some old vinyl played on a record player in the Tardis will there be roysalties issued to this particular caller?
I’d prefer an episeode where Dr Who went back in time and corrected our measurements of temperature into groats or whatever they were before celcius.
If there’s one thing that Gordon Clown and Nu Liar-blair need to sort out it’s violent crime.
I mean, it’s just ruining my otherwise enjoyable news programmes.
To me the term “bomber jackets” conjures images of swarthy-faced young gentlemen with bulging pockets climbing aboard public transports with ill deed in mind. I blame the immigrants.
Can I recommend a title for the murder-related programme? Perhaps something catchy, like “crimewatch”?
@Ann: I doubt there was any coffee cup trauma, she’s probably just a neurotic bitch and nagging her own husband to death about cups on tables just wasn’t enough.
“ The term ‘anorak’ conjures up images of men who expose themselves in long trench coats and it is unfair to label people with train sets in this way.”
Thankfully I’d just finished drinking my tea when I read this.
For me the term ‘anorak’ conjures up images of people with train sets, still traumatised by past experiences with men in long trench coats, who phone up the BBC to complain instead of seeking therapy.
“There could be another one all about sport, and another one all about weather. Then they could put them all on, one after the other, in quick succession, using the same presenters.”
I made contact with Sky about this idea, and they have commissioned me to make a news program following your format. I was down to my last penny, not even enough for a tin of cheap cider, so thank you Nelson. I have made one change, in that the presenters will have a specialism in the subject that they are to talk about, eg. A weather presenter is actually a meteorologist.