Delusions of Grandeur30 May 2008 09:21 am
By Nelson

Thanks to Stephen for this one. On an unrelated note, I broke the Twat-O-Tron last night and then fell asleep. When I woke up, the world was full of people wailing and gnashing their teeth. So I fixed it again.

Start with the adults of today and then move on to the adults of the tomorrow. More jobs in public sector, less people scrounging on dole. Self funding and cleaner, better Britain. Hence long term change of attidute/behaviour and therefore passed down onto children. Therefore more police and less crime, also as more people working there is less time for boredom and hence less knife crime.

project is a 15+ years project. There is no short term fix.
*David*, Chesterfield

You are wise beyond your years. Unless you’re over 12.

21 Responses to “Hence Therefore”

  1. on 30 May 2008 at 9:31 am Pete

    Think about the paupers and thugs in Britain. Thus leading you to HYS. Hence inspiring you to tap at keyboard. Therefore allowing you to cry tears of hope whilst milking all your invaluable knowledge. Thankyou, kind sire.

  2. on 30 May 2008 at 9:34 am Mike

    Start with the adults of today and then move on to the adults of the tomorrow. Sterilise everyone in the world. No babies means no teenagers in the future which means no knife crime.

    Project is a 15+ years project. There is no short term fix.

  3. on 30 May 2008 at 9:38 am emordino

    Boredom: the leading cause of knife crime.

  4. on 30 May 2008 at 9:39 am Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

    “As more people working there is less time for boredom and hence less knife crime”

    What twaddle. I’m more bored when I’m at work than when I’m not. I think this government needs to make me an unemployed dole-scrounger before I stab my office mate.

  5. on 30 May 2008 at 9:46 am UmlautAmpersand

    Logic truly is his plaything.

    Most likely a dusty version of Mouse Trap with some of the pieces missing.

  6. on 30 May 2008 at 9:58 am Don_Durito

    It sounds like a brave and inspired project, starred David. I’m in, but only if we can go back to not giving a flying fuck while the rich rob the poor and blow up brown furriners once the 15 years is up.

  7. on 30 May 2008 at 10:18 am Simon

    shit, i actually am rich’s office mate. if he gets bored, and we all know boredom begets knife crime, then i’m done for. it’s inevitable (like the violent revolution of the silent majority)

    entertain rich, i implore you all

  8. on 30 May 2008 at 10:24 am Trundle

    I’m at work and I’m bored shitless. Things could get real stabby real quick.

  9. on 30 May 2008 at 10:40 am UmlautAmpersand

    Hang on, some of my best friends work in the public sector.

    Judging by them, the words ‘better’ and, especially, ‘cleaner’ are not going to be used often in describing StarDavidStar’s new Britain.

  10. on 30 May 2008 at 10:46 am Neil M

    Hence write the *Davidian Manifesto* and solve all the ills in the world…or call it Mein Kampf II

  11. on 30 May 2008 at 10:46 am Tony

    It would be good if you included the number of people who recommended it, to measure the endorsement of the stupidity.

  12. on 30 May 2008 at 11:46 am The Gnome Secretary

    Boredom: the leading cause of knife crime.

    Well, really thinking to the root causes of the problem, boredom is one of them. The other essential ingredients are a shit up-bringing, lots of yob culture, widening gaps between the classes. And of course, the biggie (as we in the Cabinet call it): being a STINKING PROLE. We in the Labour Party are having a bit of a difficult time with the working classes, you see. They’re all scum, but for some reason we’re not allowed to shoot them all.

    As I said to Ed Balls in the ladies toilets just yesterday, if the proles were kept busy, killing wogs for example, our problems would be solved.

    Sending wayward youths off to invade other countries is the perfect answer. And remember: a knife/gun attack isn’t a crime if it’s government sanctioned, in a different country, and increases the colonial power of Britain. What do you say to that? Genius isn’t it!

  13. on 30 May 2008 at 11:55 am Bamba

    Does no one else gets echoes of Radiohead’s “Fitter Happier” when reading that post?

    “More jobs in public sector, less people scrounging on dole. Self funding and cleaner, better Britain.”

    My head is now filled with Stephen Hawking’s voice narrating David’s retarded ramblings to me. It’s fucking terrifying in case anyone was wondering.

  14. on 30 May 2008 at 12:15 pm The Gnome Secretary

    Does no one else gets echoes of Radiohead’s “Fitter Happier” when reading that post?

    Well spotted!

    Like a David from Chesterfield. In a cage. On anti-biotics.

  15. on 30 May 2008 at 12:40 pm fucko the clown

    this is off topic, but having an arguement in the office that needs settling and brainers could help -

    Do Zebra’s have stripey cocks?

  16. on 30 May 2008 at 12:53 pm Sick of Nu Liar-Blair, Norfolk

    I’ve never seen a zebra’s willy. Except to pro-create.

  17. on 30 May 2008 at 2:47 pm Toby

    I’m worried. If we get people off the dole and into the public sector won’t we have to shift from paying them £55 a week to paying them an actual wage which would have to come out of taxes?

  18. on 30 May 2008 at 3:37 pm Tim

    Clearly you are bored in the office, and should therefore settle this by stabbing whoever disagrees with you.

  19. on 30 May 2008 at 9:15 pm A.N

    the ‘no short term fix’ is precisely true though – the post might be barely comprehensible and flawed in its logic, but it lives in the real world compared to most of the hys drivel.

  20. on 02 Jun 2008 at 11:19 am Stephen

    Actually the whole thing starts with

    “Change morel standards in UK.”

    which could possibly be a bit of IT jargon, I’m not sure

  21. on 03 Jun 2008 at 1:24 am GREG COOK

    As a very wise man once said, ‘They stab it with their steely knives but they just can’t kill the beast.’
    I blame the Eagles, me.