spEak You’re bRanes

Thanks to Jemma. “How will the web change the world?”

Well having read the comments on here I think Sir Tim needs to start feeling a bit less optimistic. Apparently the jewish/nazi run internet is so attention sapping it even causes people to forget the question.
Sully, Worksop

What question? I’m afraid I’ve forgotten because I was thinking about tits.

As I sit at my computer
Burning the midnight oil
The floods are all around me
NATURE I thought nothing could spoil

I put my fingers on the keyboard
It has more ENERGY than me
I start to question what happened
Did the world not really SEE?

Was this another EXTRA
To break the donkeys back?
TOO LATE to now stop it
The climate is on the ATTACK

I slowly go to the window
Everything is how it looks
I start to feel so GUILTY
Did they really BURN THE BOOKS?
PREMONITION, UK

Powerful stuff.

More from the complaints log.

ONE SHOW

“I am appalled by the item about a woman’s digestive system.”

BBC NEWS (CHANNEL)

“There has been too much coverage of the Austrian man that kept his daughter in a cellar and not enough information on what they plan to do to him.”

Why not send them your ideas on a postcard?

Thanks to Anon, here’s some quality stuff from the BBC complaints log. There’s loads of it and it’s all brilliant. I’m splitting it up into chunks because then it seems like I’ve somehow generated lots of content. That’s what it’s all about these days you know. CONTENT. I’M GENERATING CONTENT YEAH? COMMUNITY YEAH? RUBY ON RAILS YEAH? AJAX YEAH? God, I hate everyone.

Thanks again, Anon.

ANDREW MARR SHOW
General
“I think the programme’s opening sequence which involves Andrew Marr driving a 1950’s car is unsuitable. It suggests that only people from that era are interested in politics.”

Felt that Andrew Marr was too lenient in his questioning of Gordon Brown. “Short of sitting on Gordon Brown’s lap and stroking his hair Andrew Marr could not have been anymore lenient on Gordon Brown.”

BREAKFAST (TV NEWS)
TX Date: 04/05/08
“I feel that it is completely irresponsible to show a clip of people playing hockey with a flaming ball. Young people watching could copy this.”

CARRIE AND DAVID’S POPSHOP
TX Date: 01/05/08

“I thought the wording in the song was inappropriate, it said ’see my clothing, see my hair, check me, check me’. I feel that this is a song more for teenagers as my daughter is only three and I do not want this sort of sexual innuendo in a song on a programme that she watches.”

TERRY JONES’ MEDIEVAL LIVES
TX Date: 04/05/08

“I feel that Terry Jones is using history to criticise the Pope. He is predictable and of poor quality.”

AM I NORMAL (TV)
TX Date: 05/05/08

“I object to having this sort of programme on the BBC. I know that this deviant behaviour goes on but I do not want it in my sitting room. I think this is the sort of rubbish that I expect to see on the commercial stations. We do not want it on the BBC.”

More to come later.

Thanks to Bob, who reckoned this one was computer generated. I reckon it looks real. Anyway, it’s goaded me into building a HYS generator. I think I’ll do it soon*.

Cannabis should not even be aloud it just ruins peoples lifes. Ban drugs altogether, whoever made them just wanted to escape their life, but they didn’t know that they can’t escape prison. Anyone who is thinking of taking that drug don’t there are consiquences!

Thanks
Georgina, Bolton

Thanks! Your post was like a slap in the face. It made me realise that I’m only doing this to try and escape my life. I might print it and hand out copies to the crack addict prostitutes on my way home. In fact, I was planning to head down to Boots at lunchtime, buy a plastic tube from the beer brewing section and then blow half a gram of ket up my arse (in the comfort of a public toilet). I’ve nearly changed my mind now and will probably just have a cheeky line and a sniff of Tippex.

*within 15 years.

Thanks to Elias.

Please correct the fact box on ’skunk’

It’s called ’skunk’ because it actually smells like a skunk!

I know we don’t have them in the UK, but you guys should really know that !

(or does the BBC no longer hire people who have been to university?)
Rob

It was a desperate attempt to put people off smoking it. They did the same thing with “crack”.

Thanks to Laura. I’m mainly posting pictures today.

Where it suits, dictators are angels. Where it is not, they are swirling worms. Yes. Burma has immense sub-sea oil reserve and gas. It is disaster time now. Don’t wrangle on your isms. Help people. Win hearts. If not, trap shut. There is always the Buddha to smile upon the Burmese people. The Triple Gem. The Light of Asia. To feed Burma, the Irawady is eternal. She will feed her children in rain or shine. If you want to give, give. If not, the Elephant and Dragon is by the side of Burma. Enough!
Silent Monk, India

Thanks to Steve for finding Karl weaver, kent, nincompoop.

I doubt it: Immigration to the UK is scandalous! these people flooding here, with no checkable backgrounds, working in close association with vunerable groups and children. Its an absolute disgrace that they are allowed here of course thats not including the thousands that dont go through the system. they are not vetted prior to entering here which is totally wrong! and puts others at great Risk.

In my view we should cease all imports of these people until we are sure they pose no threats.

Karl weaver, kent

I think you’ve got a bit confused again, Karl.

The ” stuff ” around these days is nothing but Chemical Rubbish and is highly dangerous, we only have to look at various cases of crime were the accused was ” at the time me lord, on a cocktail of Drugs and Alchohol and therefore had no idea what he was doing, he/she is remorsefull of thier acts and deeply regret having turned a persons head into a Football and the resulting brain damage ”

No it should be downgraded! and it should remain BANNED and illliegal to possess. SIMPLE AS!!
Karl weaver, kent

Apparently not simple enough for Karl.

Thanks to Daisy for this one from Times Online.

B - BUOYANT
A - ADROIT
R - REALISTIC
A - AMIABLE
C - COURAGEOUS
K - KNOWLEDGEABLE

O - OPTIMISTIC
B - BRAINY
A - ALLURING
M - MAGNETIC
A - ABLE

So stop the soap opera of Wright and let America discuss the things that matter to the common folk! Sen Kerry’s rebuke of MSNBC was fab!
Elias, Stevenage, UK

It’s a long time since we’ve had a Piss Poor Acronym Competition For Dullards. I’m awarding Elias 2nd prize (1st prize went to a Katie in Year 3: “Baboon Arse Rapists Are Carefully Kneading Our Baboon’s Auspicious Monkey Anus”).

Thanks to Laura for this one.

St Guys Hospital has a ward with people who have diseases that cannot be cured and are infectous and they are all immigrants that worries me.
mowamed demon

If I had to guess, I’d say you were talking complete bollocks. Fortunately, I don’t have to guess as Laura works at Guys and assures me that you’ve got everything (including the name of the hospital) wrong. I’d also guess that you’re a racist simpleton who spends hours on HYS inventing bizarre lies about immigrants. Again, I don’t have to. Here they are:

People who say Immigration made America great are missing one thing - It was great before all the Immigrants got their and distroyed the Native people to the brink of extinqsion - this has happened in New zealand and Australia where immigrants have taken over and local indiginous people have been sacrificed - so which is it going to be a country of immigrants or native people as only you can choose.
mowamed demon

Only the other day, the Polish bloke at work gave me smallpox and then used his cavalry and guns to outmanoeuvre then massacre my foot soldiers. It was a proper shitter.

I have sat down with my neighbour and we have found that I get taxed £9 a week more on £14000 and he gets back £26 a week on £21000 plus benefit credits and to top it off he is on a work permit from africa for 2 years with his family and I am a single British born citizen. how can this be right
mowamed demon

Serious??! Did you write to the tax people and explain that he and his family are only forrun but you’re an actual person??? It might be worth writing to his employers as well to point out that they’re paying him more than you get! It’s almost as if they think he’s more useful, smarter, harder working and generally better than you in every way. It’s like they’re saying that someone who’s come from another (much poorer) country, with far fewer opportunities, has somehow succeeded where you, despite being afforded so much opportunity, have been so slow, stupid and generally shit that you’ve failed at everything and now spend your life whining on the internet.

Is there going to be any change for me after today or am I still going to pay more tax - How hard can it be to get a straight answer and nothing I have seen on the news has said who now is going to benefit who did not before ? - will the bbc tell me if on my £7500 and able to claim no benefits or credits I am worse or better off today or has nothing changed.
mowamed demon

These last two posts were written within a few hours of each other so I suspect that mowamed is lying again. Although it’s possible that his employers halved his wages after realising that he’s a useless arsequack.

I’m adding him to “The Regular Twats” because I reckon he’s going to keep coming up with the goods.