Plain Weird06 Jun 2008 12:06 pm

I’m Peter Campbell?

By Nelson

Thanks to Carl for this from the “underage drinking” page. I think he’s found the Australian Irvine Welsh.

iam 15 yrs free? with the grace og god , from my chronic alcoholism of which nearly killed me ? i am awaiting my day in court to highlight the dangers of alcohol , and to bring justice against the alcohol industries regarding there produce of which costing the nations billions of pounds on the NHS ? my medical records my story of how i was couphing up blood ? through my chronic illness ? but was sent home from my local irh hospital with know help ?
peter campbell, greenock

24 Responses to “I’m Peter Campbell?”

  1. on 06 Jun 2008 at 12:08 pm   Nick

    I really don’t know where to begin on this one.

    Por wee lad.

  2. on 06 Jun 2008 at 12:11 pm   Saladin

    An alco from Greenock? What a surprise.

  3. on 06 Jun 2008 at 12:14 pm   Jack Thompson

    Ban this sick filth!

  4. on 06 Jun 2008 at 12:17 pm   Dave B

    Oops. That Jack Thompson comment was supposed to go on the post about the youth of today.

    Probably a result of my hangover, which is caused by an overdose of homebrew mead. I will be suing myself and the entire beekeeping industry as soon as I have finished couphing up blood.

  5. on 06 Jun 2008 at 12:29 pm   fucko the clown

    fucking alchy, was probably drinking pigs blood laced with whiskey and couldn’t keep it down, local hospital took one whiff of his piss stained cacks and sent him on his way.

  6. on 06 Jun 2008 at 12:33 pm   offensive_mango

    Since it clearly says “peter campbell, greenock” I think we can be sure that his name is actually peeftr csnmberkl and he’s from fthresnocc.

  7. on 06 Jun 2008 at 12:54 pm   Andrew

    Either the twat-o-tron spelling screwer-upper has struck or he was well in to the Special Brew when he wrote that.

  8. on 06 Jun 2008 at 1:36 pm   Lecs

    Is he Australian?

  9. on 06 Jun 2008 at 1:39 pm   Oliver

    15 years free of alcoholism. Are you?

    If he hasn’t taken a drink he’s clearly still suffering the effects as he believes that one day he will get compensated in court for all the money he has pished up against the wall.

    When he’s sober enough to realise this ain’t gonna happen he will probably go back to drinking. Poor fucker was probably happier stood in the street with piss stained trousers, shouting at buses waving a can of McEwans.

    I’ve been to Scotland, can you tell?

  10. on 06 Jun 2008 at 1:51 pm   Clara Belle

    I want to answer his questions but I don’t know how!

  11. on 06 Jun 2008 at 2:10 pm   Scaryduck

    I am mostly liking the random question marks, which are right up there with multiples commas (“Don’t get me started on Gordon Clown,,,ive had it with this country,,,”) for people I want to kick in the fuck.

  12. on 06 Jun 2008 at 2:26 pm   Alex

    Alcoholic in doesn’t type good shocker! Seriously Nelson, I want genuine “how do you people not spontaneously combust from stupidity without help” idiots here, not approximately normal people whose ludicrous fat fingers hit two keys at once.

    Standards are slipping. I blame Political Correctness and the Blarxist Nu Lie-Bore contingent. And immigrants. Especially brown ones.

  13. on 06 Jun 2008 at 3:38 pm   Nelson

    I don’t know if he’s Australian. He seems to be typing Australian prosodic envelopes is all.

  14. on 06 Jun 2008 at 4:02 pm   Paul D. Waite

    It’s the breweries fault! It’s the NHS’s fault! Of course it is!

  15. on 06 Jun 2008 at 5:12 pm   Rob

    I love that, the brewerys fault? Yes I’m sure they forced you to drink yourself silly everyday, nothing to do with your spineless and pathetic nature.

    Nothing at all

  16. on 07 Jun 2008 at 10:25 am   Down by the sea

    Of course, people become alcoholics because they like the taste so much, don’t they Peter?

  17. on 07 Jun 2008 at 8:05 pm   Rhinestone Choirboy

    He’s already doing an excellent job highlighting the dangers of alcohol, I feel… Although he must be really pissed if he thinks he’s going to get any compo. Even if he had a case, can you imagine the landslide of similar cases that would kick off in Scotland?

  18. on 09 Jun 2008 at 2:13 am   UnderHerd

    Iam ? you my bes mate yes yo are ?

  19. on 09 Jun 2008 at 2:50 am   UnderHerd

    Also: “No! *I* am Peter Campbell”

  20. on 09 Jun 2008 at 9:51 am   Coach

    Peter need’s help. Know!

  21. on 10 Jun 2008 at 1:49 pm   6000

    Your supposed similarity between Campbell and Welsh falls flat when one remembers that Welsh can actually write. In English.

  22. on 11 Jun 2008 at 9:26 am   Spewliver Cretinguzzle

    In all fairness though, we all need to take a stand against ‘Big Alcohol’ for its continued manufacture of sentient, malevolent beers that leap off the supermarket shelves of their own volition and force themselves down our gullets like the sickeningly evil booze-throat rapists they are.

    In no way must we be allowed to take responsibility for our own gawping mouths. It’s time to stamp the bloody fuck out of these terrorist liquids that bully their way into our lazy, crap, bloaty bellies. Anyone who thinks different is an iguana’s gashflaps.

  23. on 11 Jun 2008 at 12:40 pm   James

    You have to feel sorry for the victims of Big Alcohol. In the same way that Big Tobacco for years suppressed the publication on studies of the links between heart disease, lung cancer and cigarettes, how was anyone to know that drinking alcohol would get you pissed? And that being pissed all the time would make you an alcoholic? Find me someone to sue!

  24. on 17 Jun 2008 at 1:57 pm   ping

    what the fuck is the difference between:

    “An alco from Greenock? What a surprise”

    from the comments board, and a whole host of shit like it and one from the HYS board:

    “When will you people realise that Africans cannot govern themselves?”
    [fascistMikeP]

    Saladin, you’re a twat.