Thanks to the Complaints Donor for these urgent opinions about TV ‘n’ shit.
RADIO 2 – STEVE WRIGHT
“Steve Wright said the temperature was ‘21 degrees Celsius’. Temperature is measured in degrees Fahrenheit, and the very fact that he uses the alternative suffix suggests that he knows many listeners will not know what he is talking about. I wish he and others at the BBC would stop pumping out this EU propaganda.”
I’m starting to suspect that all these metric-vs-imperial complaints (and possibly many of the others too) are the work of a single retired colonel who believes that we could get our whole empire back if we’d only start weighing things in ounces again.
RADIO 2 – TERRY WOGAN
“I so enjoy Terry Wogan’s show and he plays wonderful music. My mother was Irish so I guess I might be a bit biased.”
I expect you’ll like Liam Neeson, leprechauns and peat too?
RADIO 4 – GENERAL
“I am unhappy that the Radio 4 weather forecasters do not apologise for getting the forecast wrong.”
If they won’t apologise for “The Moral Maze”, they’re hardly likely to apologise for the fucking weather.
RADIO 4 – PM
“I am appalled the programme reported on Prince William’s plans to go to the Caribbean. This is very dangerous. The information should not have been disclosed, people now know his exact whereabouts.”
You should write to him and warn him:
Prince William,
1, Caribbean Sreet,
The Caribbean
GENERAL TV
“I would like the BBC to produce a programme that looks at the possible link between the continuation of the international space programme and the rise of global warming. I think there is a link between space shuttle launches and rising CO2 levels.”
Nah, it’s fine. In fact they’re helping to reduce them! While they’re in orbit they use bicycle pumps to suck up some of the earth’s extra CO2 and then squirt it out into space. Those boffins!
44 Responses to “Complaints Log Again”
> I think there is a link between space shuttle launches and rising CO2 levels.
That’s right, dearie. It’s not you, me and the other 6 billion idiots who want electricity and cars. It’s a couple of space shuttle launches a year.
Anders Celsius: Swedish
Daniel Fahrenheit: German
So remind me again which one of them is British?
Re: Prince William’s whereabouts: Imagine, though, if the Queen did the same thing, like advertising whether she was in her house or not by flying a flag or something. How dangerous would that be??!!11111oneoneleven
Just a thought: If the BBC announced that they were doing a series about launching Prince William into space, to report the weather in Ireland using the Celsius scale for the Steve Wright show would the complaints log enter meltdown?
As a St Andrews graduate, I recall the problems that arose when people knew Prince William’s whereabouts. Cunts, that’s what, flocking to the University to try and see him.
Next thing we know the Caribbean will have people getting on ‘planes and flying there. The world has gone mad.
That Celsius scale invented in 1744. Bloody EU, going back 207 years before it was formed to create a temperature scale. We don’t pay our taxes for Eurocrats to go time-travelling.
I’m annoyed that Steve Wright added the suffix “celsius”. I really wanted to see all the narrow-minded old folk come out dressed for a sub-zero temperature in the middle of June.
The first Baron Kelvin was born in Belfast and died in Scotland. Perhaps his suffix will better suit a little Englander?
Forget about Prince William. I’m more worried that the press dicclose the EXACT location of where Father Christmas lives for most of the year.
If he got robbed or murdered by hoodies we’d be without presents every year.
Pity the poor operators who have to field these calls. Can you imagine the scene? Tears streaming down their faces, knawing at their knuckles trying not to burst out laughing and call them hippos minges.
So when a controversial programme like Jerry Springer the Opera receives, say, “over sixty complaints”, are they counting all the complaints or just the ones that aren’t completely retarded?
Little does the celsius poster realise that the metric system was first thought up by an English vicar in the 1600s (it was later adopted by the French), whereas the “Imperial” system was developed by the French in the Middle Ages (hence its proper name of the “Avoirdupois” system).
So as part of the English-invented metric system, all good xenophobes patriots should always choose celsius.
I’m suprised these metric-ophobes manage to tune into Radio 2 successfully. After all, they only announce the frequency in MHz, not in furlongs-per-square-ha’penny or whatever the scale on their wireless is measured in.
Down with the metric system! Imperial measurements for ever! Never mind what the rest of the civilised world uses, keeping our own obscure set of measurements ensures that we can know the exact effects of slamming an unimaginably expensive space probe into the surface of Mars at several times the speed of sound. Twice. Beat THAT, ESA!
Actually, we use the centigrade scale. Celsius has 0 degrees as the boiling point of water and 100 degrees as its freezing point. So there.
We SHOULD use Kelvin. That’d show the EU.
Er… are you entirely sure about that, Ben?
I like potatos and say Jesus a lot,do I now qualify as Irish too? (or should I start saying B-Jesus for a more authentic touch?)
How easy is this changing nationality lark!
Oh, hold on, you’re talking about Anders Celcius’ original scale, I see. Thanks wikipedia. That’s not the same as the modern Celcius scale though.
I see the new celsius is based on Vienna Standard Mean Celsius Water. More EU propaganda if ever I saw it.
My mother is Irish and I’d gladly see Wogan burnt alive.
“The Moral Maze” doesn’t need apologizing for; it provides a useful service. More people need to be forcibly exposed to being shown how Melanie Phillips’ insane opinions crumple under the slightest bit of logic.
Apologising for the Moral Maze would be the beginning of a SLIPPERY SLOPE. Next they’d get all contrite about Thought for the Day, and then try to make amends for PM, and soon there would be nothing but apologies where there used to be smugtastic broadcasting.
Oh dear lord, apparently there is a pressure group called Active Resistance to Metrication which has “dozens” of members. Or to put it in a way that appropriately annoys them, it has over 2 decamembers.
Wow. That Active Resistance To Metrication website is gold! They alos support organisations against (amongst other thins):
• Identity Cards
• Political correctness
• The Islamification of Britain
• The undermining of marriage in society
• Police ineffectiveness and corruption
• Light sentences for serious crimes
Their entire membership are probably all on HYS.
*also
*things
I was in such a fervour I forgot how to type.
You know the REALLY pissy thing? Their Europhobia to the metric system is crap… the metric system was first proposed at a meeting of the Royal Society (in London) by a Brit, 100 years before the Froggies ‘thought’ of it.
It is a Marvellous ENGLISH invention (trumpets and cheering)
Do you think ARM accept only donations in pounds, shillings and pence rather than that dirty decimalised money?
Oh fuck that ARM website is magnificent. They’ve really got the hang of this covert activism lark -
Members of A.R.M. use code names. Among our members, who include the editor of one of the world’s best-selling magazines, we have “Daisy Chain”, “Furlong” “Foot Rule” “Wun Tun”, “Rod Pole”, “Yardstick”, “Hundredweight”, and many more. Code names are used on A.R.M.’s well-known direct action raids, about which you will learn more on our website.
[...]
To link your campaign or to obtain web-space on our site, contact Tony Bennett 01279 635789 or Mobile 07835 716537 Or contact our Chairman Derek Norman: 01480 435837
A.R.M. Correspondence Address: �Meadowbank�, 9 Station Cottages, Brampton Road, HUNTINGDON, Huntingdonshire, PE29 3BW.
Oh, the ARM gallery is tremendous! Is there a single one of them you would choose to sit beside on a bus?
I think half of those ARM people live down the road from me. I work in an off licence and I continually have people asking for “‘alf ounce o’ baccy” and a “pint bottle of whiskey”.
I might photocopy all the labels and blow them up to gargantuan size and stick them up behind the counter so I can point to them really snidely and ask if they mean the 12.5g bag of tobacco and the 70cl bottle of whiskey.
Or I could just give it to them. Whichever really.
In regards to the demand for a BBC programme to investigate the greenhouse gases produced by space vehicles, with a special interest in the Space Shuttle; I cannot see the reason for this. I can however see the reason for James May (or some other self-serving twat) to go to California and present a programme which focuses on rocket launches and the effect that their launch has on spiritual life.
http://www.ecoenquirer.com/Vandenberg-launch.htm
Myself, I looked up the possible ramifications of rocket launches and green house gases. It came as no surprise that the scientists have their feet firmly in both camps and they are edging to sitting on the fence.
The Chairman of ARM is called Derek and he spends his Sundays driving round the south coast of England looking for road signs in meters to tidily deface.
As founders of active resistance movements go, this isn’t Bin Laden or Fidel. I don’t suppose MI5 sit late into the night biting their nails, chain smoking and waiting for him to strike….
“Oh shit! Inspector! The Somerset office just phoned. The bastard’s done the “8m low bridge” sign on the B6519 near Taunton.
“Well don’t just stand their Sargeant! Call the fucking Home Secretary! Now!”
love the ARM site…
however for sheer, mind-blowing hatstandness, this is the ne pas plus ultra (even tho i know they’re not reading, i write in french just because i know it’d annoy these people)
http://www.ukcolumn.org/home/
really; when you’ve marvelled at the latest issue on the main page, go to the “in print” section for back issues, and marvel at such gems as:
“is queen held hostage by pro-EU advisors”?
that the EU is about “perverted sexual education”?
that the intention of the EU is “magic, sorcery and death wish”?
that the lisbon treaty is based upon a plan by oswald mosely – but in the same paper it claims the EU is a marxist organisation?
and then… “4500 children are snatched by the courts for forced adoption..only healthy babies are taken, mentally retarded children are given back to their mothers”
Mawkish bathetic greif athletes, based on the insane reasoning here, another site i read regularly had a newcomer posting a thread named ” CHILD KIDNAPPED “mammy please help me”" because it’s all TRUE, why can’t you SEEEEEEE?????
sorry to bang on, but i recommend page 6 of the june issue, whereby an 11 year old girl was kidnapped from a hospital in the USA – and strap yourselves in, this gets freakish – at gunpoint by….by….. by….Neath Port Talbot Social Services.
I kid you not….
worth a look for the Jebus lovers pages, as apprently the EU is rebuilding the seat of satan in berlin….
i’m tempted to phone some of the businesses that advertise in it, to find out if they are as droolingly brain damaged as the writers, or unaware that they are now linked to a paper that thinks the daily mail is a tool of the EU…
perfect – made my week, that has.
A.R.M. Oh my God! Now I know who buys all the comfort trousers and shoes that they advertise in the Telegraph.
One wonders how they managed to swallow their pride and build a website on a computer using binary rather than base-12-or-maybe-base-16-depends-what-you’re-measuring.
Is it even possible to know someone’s “exact whereabouts”? I though whereabouts were by their very nature a bit vague and imprecise. Otherwise they’re a location.
Umm. Space shuttle burns hydrogen; very green I would say. Not only that, but it shades the earth a little bit while in orbit.
Come to think about it, if I saw ARM at work vandalising signs, I’d be forced to give them a good kicking with my size 43s
D: Only the external tank does. The SRBs burn aluminium in ammonium perchlorate, and the Shuttle itself burns a particularly nasty variety of Hydrazine.
“Anders Celsius: Swedish
Daniel Fahrenheit: German
So remind me again which one of them is British?”
Then step forward William Thomson, 1st Baron Kelvin…
Kelvin was also, let’s not forget, ahead of the charge against Darwin.
Natural selection could not possibly be how we got here because the sun hadn’t been there long enough for things to work that way.
Because the sun is made of burning coal.
“The Chairman of ARM is called Derek and he spends his Sundays driving round the south coast of England looking for road signs in meters to tidily deface.
As founders of active resistance movements go, this isn’t Bin Laden or Fidel. I don’t suppose MI5 sit late into the night biting their nails, chain smoking and waiting for him to strike….” – Mad From Barking
Smiley started as the telephone on his desk rang – a short, jarring ring like the crunch of a heavy footfall on a midnight gravel drive.
He lifted the receiver and held it to his ear, cricking his neck as he did so to easy the stiffness brought on by that rainy October afternoon.
“George?” said the voice. It was Stephens, from the Bureau. This could not be good. He grunted his acknowledgement.
“The balloon has gone up George. The big one. We need you.”
Smiley leaned back in his chair as he gazed out over St James’s Park, watching the tourists and locals as they went about their ordinary little lives in the afternoon gloom, ignorant of the horror unfolding around them.
“ARM?” he asked, although he somehow already knew the answer.
“Yes. They’ve only…” Stephens’ voice cracked. Smiley swallowed hard. It took a lot to get to Stephens.
“They’ve only gone and changed the signs along the canal towpath in Melton Mowbrey, George. All of them. Every one. We’ve already had… damn it all George! – several… several people comment.”
Smiley felt a cold chill grip him, colder even than the London air which rattled the panes in his grimy office windows. The bastards! There were rules to this game – unspoken, unwritten rules that were nevertheless known by all the players. No families. No diplomats. And no signage required under the 1976 Rights of Way (Ammendment) Act. And now ARM had declared themselves above the game, above the rules. He would show them otherwise.
“On my way.” he sighed, already replacing the receiver as Stephens’ voice promised a car to pick him up at the usual place. The rattle of the handset in its cradle echoed around the bare office like the dying crunch of autumn leaves…
::giggle::