Plain Weird24 Jun 2008 11:50 am
By Nelson

Thanks to James. Concerning the recent Irish referendum.

This is verging on the obscene: If Ireland was a woman this would be attempted rape.

No means No.
ScepticMax

What would it be if Ireland was a reluctant male Orangutan? Attempted, bestial, bum burglary? What about if Ireland was a bun who said “no”? Would it be an attempted bun-icing? What about if Ireland was a woman who said “go on then”, but you popped some rohypnol in her drink anyway and then poked gingerly at her norks with a chopstick after she passed out? Just imagine it for a moment.

21 Responses to “If Ireland Was A Woman”

  1. on 24 Jun 2008 at 12:08 pm Jess

    Someone’s been reading too much Seamus Heaney.

  2. on 24 Jun 2008 at 12:20 pm James not from Sussex

    What if Ireland was a treaty and the treaty of Lisbon was a country in the Atlantic Ocean?

    MIND. FUCKING. BLOWN.

  3. on 24 Jun 2008 at 12:35 pm Paul D. Waite

    Wait. Are you saying Ireland *isn’t* a woman?

  4. on 24 Jun 2008 at 12:38 pm Mr Cat

    Looking at ScepticMax’s metaphor I’m a little confused here.

    The metaphor is based on the fact that Ireland “may” hold another referendum over Lisbon in the hope of getting a yes vote.

    So in fact the metaphor should be interpreted as “If Ireland was a woman this would be asking her the same question twice to clarify the first answer”.

    I’m a bit deaf and I’m always asking people the same question twice… Am I a serial attempted rapist?

  5. on 24 Jun 2008 at 1:30 pm Oliver

    Sceptic is more stupid than we thought.

    Europe is clearly waiting for Ireland to give the ‘Safe’ word. Saying No will just excite them more.

    Only when Ireland returns a result from a referendum that says “Icecream” will it stop. Then it will probably lose all interest in Ireland altogether and start work on the far sexier Poland.

  6. on 24 Jun 2008 at 1:39 pm The Go-nutteer

    So, it would be like Europe saying “oh go on honey, I’m really horny?”

    Maybe Europe should try sending Ireland some flowers first, or a box of chocolates. Honestly, it’s all take, take, take.

  7. on 24 Jun 2008 at 1:40 pm NW Simon

    If Ireland was a woman we would control its head. How does that affect the legal position?

  8. on 24 Jun 2008 at 2:05 pm philbert

    I Ireland was a woman, I’m sure there are a fari number of people on HYS who’d want to disenfranchise her/it/whatever the appropriate pronoun is.

  9. on 24 Jun 2008 at 2:19 pm The Go-nutteer

    Why are we talking about Ireland on a BRITISH website anyway?

    Whatever happens between the so-called European “Union” and an insignificant member state is of no interest to me.

  10. on 24 Jun 2008 at 2:32 pm burnel

    If Ireland were a pint of guinness and a jameson chaser I’d have no problems at all, it would be verging on the serene.

  11. on 24 Jun 2008 at 3:01 pm Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

    No man is an Ireland.

    Ergo, Ireland must be a woman. Fact.

  12. on 24 Jun 2008 at 3:18 pm offensive_mango

    If Ireland were a woman (note the subjunctive mood), you could have called this person an Ireland’s minge today.

  13. on 24 Jun 2008 at 4:37 pm Alex

    If Ireland was a woman, would she be an Irishwoman? My thinking is no, as it’s impossible to have a woman as your nationality.

  14. on 24 Jun 2008 at 11:31 pm Gilbert Wham

    poked gingerly at her norks with a chopstick after she passed out? Just imagine it for a moment.

    Imagine it? I’m wanking like a chimp.

  15. on 25 Jun 2008 at 8:56 am Mad from Barking

    If giving the Irish a peaceful referendum on the Lisbon treaty equates to rape, what the hell did Oliver Cromwell do to ‘her’?

    Answers on a postcard…

  16. on 25 Jun 2008 at 12:02 pm James not from Sussex

    Great, now I have the indelible image of Cromwell holding Ireland’s broken body in his arms, stroking her hair and crying, “I didn’t mean to, baby, but sometimes you just make me so mad!”

  17. on 25 Jun 2008 at 2:03 pm Danivon

    So when a woman makes a decision, she can never ever change her mind?

    Has this guy ever met a real woman?

  18. on 25 Jun 2008 at 3:44 pm Dr Poo

    If Ireland were a woman I suspect it’d be a bit like the fat, loud-mouthed Glaswegian alkie I shagged on holiday a few years ago.

    Come on ScepticMax, are you seriously trying to tell us that Ireland is a Scottish woman?

  19. on 25 Jun 2008 at 3:44 pm rob

    if a treaty had a meaty cock
    and ireland was a lass
    i bet he’d wear a rubber sock
    and stick it in her ***

  20. on 25 Jun 2008 at 3:46 pm rob

    twats in rhyme

  21. on 27 Jun 2008 at 2:59 pm Brian Cheese

    “Ratify my treaty, bitch”

    I like it, I’m going to use it.

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