Armchair Generals and Racists and Self-appointed Sages and Werthers Original Imperialists26 Jun 2008 11:32 am
By Alex

Nothing like a thread on Mugabe to bring the amateur Mark Thatchers out of the woodwork.

As I said months ago, Mugabe will do whatever it takes, to stay in power.
Rick McDaniel, Lewisville, TX

If only we’d listened! Quickly, you need to alert someone important of these razor sharp insights. How about posting them on a website full of confused, prattling dullards squawking their fear of everything that doesn’t come sealed in foil, with a picture of their mum printed on it?

I think enough has been seen and heard to assume that most people want a regime change. The next election will obviously tell us nothing newand we have heard from the top of the Zanu PF party that they will not give up power no matter what the voters want.

So - what are the African and European states going to do?

I for one would chip in for a mercenary force to topple this government - it would not be very hard.
Jimbo, London

I love the idea of this guy going round Oxford Street shaking a tin: “Few coppers for a good cause mate? Yeah, we’re gonna raise an army and overthrow an African government. Nah, Zimbabwe actually. Thanks mate.” He probably thinks you can buy a mercenary force from Clinton’s cards.

26 Responses to “Royal Society for the Overthrowment of Naughty Africans”

  1. on 26 Jun 2008 at 11:37 am Mr Cat

    If only we’d listened! Quickly, you need to alert someone important of these razor sharp insights. How about posting them on a website full of confused, prattling dullards squawking their fear of everything that doesn’t come sealed in foil, with a picture of their mum printed on it?

    A* - Sometimes the comments are better than the posts they describe.

  2. on 26 Jun 2008 at 11:52 am Dai

    Man on HYS asks, nay DEMANDS, to pay more tax to fund an illegal foreign war.

  3. on 26 Jun 2008 at 11:58 am arsebanana

    Way to go, Jimbo. I can’t imagine Mugabe would be expecting anything like that. Maybe get that Simon Mann on the job if he’s not too busy.

  4. on 26 Jun 2008 at 12:05 pm Moonshine

    Come on Britain, put Zimbabwe over your knee and give it a damn good spanking. Naughty Zimbabwe! Daddy knows best…

  5. on 26 Jun 2008 at 12:09 pm Umlaut Ampersand

    Clinton’s do some great mercenary forces these days.

    For a little extra, you can get them to carry blood-splattered helium balloons, cute teddy bears holdind real human hearts, and singing imaginative greeting card verses:

    “Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Our cold-hearted mercenaries are gunning for you.

    In the jeep behind,
    Ross Kemp’s here too,
    Filming your bloody downfall for BBC2.”

    Watch out Mugabe!

  6. on 26 Jun 2008 at 12:44 pm Pete Darby

    Rattling tins? Oh very old school. You need a Telethon. I suggest Bloody Red Nose Day.

  7. on 26 Jun 2008 at 12:56 pm Em

    Meanwhile, I’d like to see him rattling his tin up and down the Strand, and see how long he lasts….

  8. on 26 Jun 2008 at 1:07 pm Far-q(gcse onanism a*)

    How about posting them on a website full of confused, prattling dullards squawking their fear of everything that doesn’t come sealed in foil, with a picture of their mum printed on it?

    Chortle.

    I’m now going to see if I can set up a website and get HYSers to comment on the comments on SYB about the comments on HYS. With any luck the resulting hatred feedback loop will cause instant brain spasm and death to the lot of them.

    But first I’m going to put Jimbo on the first flight to Harare so he can give those pesky Zanu PF thugs the sound thrashing they deserve.

  9. on 26 Jun 2008 at 1:32 pm All you need is guns

    Maybe we can get all the rocksters and celebs to do a single? A real heart-warmer that we can sing to…

    It’s Mission Time, and there’s a need to just invade.
    At Mission Time We’ll let in mercs and we’ll bandage maimed.
    And from our world of plently
    We can spread a massive-barrage-of-high-explosives-before-advancing-under-cover-of-indiscriminate-small-arms-fire
    Throw your arms around the world at mission time.

    or maybe that sacharrin Yankee one

    ‘Re-Arm The World
    Re-Arm The Children’

  10. on 26 Jun 2008 at 1:41 pm Rich(MMath)

    Far-q

    It’d better include a libby-loony-lefty-do-gooder-o-tron.

    I’d like to add that I also think Mugabe is bad. And war is stupid. And people are stupid.

    And Boy George writes shit protest songs. But you probably know that already.

  11. on 26 Jun 2008 at 1:46 pm Oliver

    I like the way Jimbo refers only to a mercenary force. At least he has grasped the point that no western government actually gives enough of a fuck to commit their own proper army to any kind of action that might precipitate Mugabe being ousted.

    Unfortuntely I have a feeling that Jimbo has a force a bit like the A-Team in mind. Maybe he thinks that if we just sent Ross Kemp, Ray Winstone and oooh lets say Alan Sugar over to Zimbabwe armed to the teeth they could walk in, point at Mr Mugabe and say ‘your fired!’ then let rip with loads of automatic weaponry.

    Actually that sounds pretty cool to me.

  12. on 26 Jun 2008 at 1:50 pm Mr Cat

    I’m a little disturbed by the volume of recommendations people like this are getting:

    Sorry but why is everyone (Including dictator Brown) so obsessed by what’s happening in Zimbabwe (or any other African state come to that).

    All these states demanded independence from the old colonial powers after WW2 and they all got their wish, since then all they have done is scream for help and continuously held out the begging bowl.

    It’s about time these countries were left alone to sort out their own problems maybe then they will start to grow up.

    Alan Baker, Chelmsford

  13. on 26 Jun 2008 at 2:10 pm Helen

    @Mr Cat; Unfortunately that seems to be a common viewpoint amongst Middle England. “We let you have freedom and you can’t handle it”, from people who still think we have some god given right to colonial rule, conviniently forgetting the many ways we have contributed, and continue to contribute, to the social and economic problems a lot of Africa faces today. Alan Baker’s slim grasp of history and it’s impact simply appeals to HYS-ers similar lack of awareness and empathy.

    But of course I don’t need to tell you that and should just paraphrase my thoughts into; What an absolute cock.

    Anyway does Elie Ngandu not have anything to contribute to this?!

  14. on 26 Jun 2008 at 2:33 pm Mr Cat

    I’ve been looking for Elie but he’s gone and done a Keyser Söze on me. He usually steers clear of things that don’t involve women anyway. I still cherish potted wisdom such as this comment on women being allowed to bare breasts in protest though:

    Think of what would happen to society, now a days perverts people pay at lot to satisfy their evil lust.
    The story in Germany of the bus driver who asked the lady showing off her clevage to change seats because he was distracted must teach us all. Men are naturally pocessed by the female body, showing it off will be a disaster and chaos.

    Anyway, we will see in our degenration weird things more than this, it is only the beginning of the last era. Next thing to be legislated is allow people to protest naked, allow intercourse outside in public and so on, THE WORST I TO COME.

    - Elie Ngandu, Newcastle UK

    But I think they belong to gentler times when people were just a bit bewildered, before hardcore racists made HYS read like Mein Kampf.

    I also notice that Topsy Turvey is back after a two week break from HYS. I wonder if he went anywhere nice?

  15. on 26 Jun 2008 at 2:50 pm Helen

    It is nice that he thinks our views on sexuality and equal rights should be learnt from a German bus driver.

    The beginning of the last era…ok it’s all bollocks but it reads like poetry.

    I’m definitely a fan.

  16. on 26 Jun 2008 at 3:30 pm Far-q (gcse onanism a*)

    THE WORST I TO COME.

    And with all that naked intercourse I might be best to come.

  17. on 26 Jun 2008 at 3:32 pm Mr Cat

    Jesus was a humble carpenter from Bethlehem.

    The new Messiah could be a humble bus driver from Germany (who gets distracted by low cut tops).

  18. on 26 Jun 2008 at 3:50 pm Coach

    ALLOW INTERCOURSE OUTSIDE!!! NEXT STOP IS DOGS HAVING INTERCOURSE OUTSIDE!! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!

  19. on 26 Jun 2008 at 4:58 pm Don_Durito

    So Clinton Cards > Blackwater now? Those crazy multinationals will stop at nothing.

  20. on 26 Jun 2008 at 5:25 pm Oliver

    Somebody really should point Elie in the direction of the world naked bike ride or the works of Spencer Tunick. He’d either spray his shorts or self combust out of indignation.

    Either would be hilarious.

  21. on 26 Jun 2008 at 11:57 pm Mick The Dick

    I also notice that Topsy Turvey is back after a two week break from HYS. I wonder if he went anywhere nice?

    I believe he had a fortnight’s holiday in late 1930s’ Berlin where he felt most at home. He’s thinking of buying a timeshare bunker there apparently.

  22. on 27 Jun 2008 at 12:32 am burnel

    “I also notice that Topsy Turvey is back after a two week break from HYS. I wonder if he went anywhere nice?”

    He went to Pontins with his Mum and Aunt Dorothy; they had some issues with him stealing and wearing their knickers, but it’s part of his therapy.

  23. on 27 Jun 2008 at 8:45 am Wailing Brainless Moaners

    I assume we all post on HYS in a futile attempt to counterbalance the mega-tons of bovine panic… Is anyone willing to disclose their nom-de-guerre? Whose’s ‘I fancy a pint’

    I think Topsy went to Disneyland. But he was shocked to discover that despite everything he’d read about Uncle Walt Von Disney, the low paid staff were negros. He has yet to recover from the trauma of running happily towards Mickey Mouse, with outstretched arms, only to discover that he had a big black guy inside him.

  24. on 27 Jun 2008 at 10:30 am burnel

    Whose’s ‘I fancy a pint’

    Me

  25. on 27 Jun 2008 at 10:46 am burnel

    The late George Carlin said

    “Think of how stupid the average person is. Then realise that half of them are stupider than that”

    That always reminds me of HYS.Fact.You couldn’t make it up.

  26. on 27 Jun 2008 at 7:04 pm Mr Spartacus, Hemel Hempstead

    Whose’s ‘I fancy a pint’

    Me

    NO! I’m ‘I fancy a pint’

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