Miscellaneous Prats and Retired Colonels27 Jun 2008 12:37 pm

They Eats Dogs

By Nelson

Complaints log again. Thanks!

RADIO 4 - FRONT ROW
“It was disgusting that someone said ’show me yours and I’ll show you mine’, during the programme.”

I bet you had yours out before you remembered that, even if Mark Lawson kept up his half of the bargain, you still wouldn’t be able to see it.

RADIO 4 - AFTERNOON PLAY: BEIJING’S SLOWEST ELEVATOR
“I was unhappy that the play featured China. I believe the Chinese eat dogs and cats and skin them alive for their fur and so the play shouldn’t have mentioned the country for this reason.”

Perhaps, if you close your eyes and rip a few pages out of your atlas, a billion Chinese people will wink out of existence.

RADIO 4 - IN OUR TIME
“I think the presenter should not break the programme into small segments.”

Maybe you could make your own program with NO GAPS AT ALL! Start right now! We’ll tell you when you can stop.

NEWS GENERAL
“I believe the BBC is biased when it comes to reporting on Zimbabwe. Robert Mugabe is constantly attacked, but I believe the BBC is trying to undermine him because of its out of date, colonial attitude.”

RIGHT ON! Let’s march on Broadcasting House!

COLDPLAY AT THE BBC
“I am very annoyed that this concert was funded by the BBC licence fee. It seemed that the main beneficiaries were the BBC staff who were watching from the balcony.”

You’re not the only person with a telly you know. Millions of us really enjoyed it. While you and the poor fuckers on the balcony were listening to their excruciatingly twee GCSE music coursework, we were all in the pub.

WEATHER GENERAL
“I have noticed that parts of Warwickshire are not even covered by the weather map used on the programme. I live in Rugby, and it is nowhere to be seen.”

RADIO 4 - THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
“The programme seemed to advocate homosexual marriage, which many millions would find repellent. I find it comparable to being thumped in the face by a fascist.”

That’s great news for millions of unmarried homosexuals who’d like to thump you in the face.

29 Responses to “They Eats Dogs”

  1. on 27 Jun 2008 at 1:03 pm   emordino

    I was at a normal, straight, god-fearing wedding a while ago and I tell you, it was exactly like being kicked in the shins by a communist.

  2. on 27 Jun 2008 at 1:16 pm   Far-Q

    “I believe the Chinese eat dogs and cats and skin them alive for their fur..”

    I suspect this gentleman is:
    a) confusing his belief with reality;
    b) confusing Korea with China;
    c) a bit of a cock

  3. on 27 Jun 2008 at 1:22 pm   Alex

    I heard the British eat cows and skin them for their leather. At least the Chinks make their cats and dogs edible.

  4. on 27 Jun 2008 at 1:55 pm   Eugenio

    I was at a perfectly normal, heterosexual wedding a few years ago and it was exactly like being kicked in the nadgers by my wife. It was my wedding, in fact, which probably explains it.

  5. on 27 Jun 2008 at 1:56 pm   sir jon dangerous

    “I believe the Chinese eat dogs and cats and skin them alive for their fur..”
    I suspect this gentleman is:
    a) confusing his belief with reality;
    b) confusing Korea with China;
    c) a bit of a cock

    a) and b) - nope, they do, it’s true - I’ve been there, seen it, eaten a dog

    c) no arguments there

  6. on 27 Jun 2008 at 2:01 pm   sir jon dangerous

    Oh, forgot to say - I doubt they skin the animals alive.

    parts of Warwickshire are not even covered by the weather map used on the programme

    How? Is there a hole in the map? Just because it’s not labelled doesn’t mean it’s not there.

  7. on 27 Jun 2008 at 2:18 pm   Far-Q

    I stand corrected. Saw some fairly unusual things to eat in China but must have missed the dogs. Or just not noticed it in the food.

    Did scoff dog Tonga though, texture a bit like chewy mutton.

  8. on 27 Jun 2008 at 2:34 pm   Alex

    Maybe by “skin them alive” he means give them a jolly good telling off. And too right as well - chewing the scatter cushions, honestly, the little scamps.

  9. on 27 Jun 2008 at 2:40 pm   Roffle

    Maybe the Chinese don’t have the heart to kill them? Big mistake though. I tried skinning a dog alive once, fucker wouldn’t keep still.

  10. on 27 Jun 2008 at 2:45 pm   Peter

    I find it comparable to being thumped in the face by a fascist

    I want to thump you in the face. Does that make me a fascist?

  11. on 27 Jun 2008 at 2:55 pm   Far-Q

    Does that make me a fascist?

    Nope.

  12. on 27 Jun 2008 at 3:08 pm   Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

    I saw a guy eating dog meat once. The bastard cut it up into small segments first. It was disgusting.

  13. on 27 Jun 2008 at 3:21 pm   Sam

    I’ve always thought I’d like to try dog. I’d particularly like to try eating the dog that belongs to the person who wrote that comment.

    Or even better, putting it in a chilli and feeding it to them while Radiohead point and laugh…

  14. on 27 Jun 2008 at 3:45 pm   Mr Blackett

    Of course we know that all fascists support gay marriage which, ironically enough, conflicts with their policy of killing homosexuals.

  15. on 27 Jun 2008 at 3:56 pm   Scott Tenorman

    Cartman killed my parents and put them in a chili and tricked me into eating them whilst radiohead pointed and laughed. Just in case Sam was trying to pass off like Dr. Raj.

    Makes my blood boil when bigots comment on the eating habits of other cultures. The feckless feckers.

  16. on 27 Jun 2008 at 4:26 pm   Olly

    Do they eat them and then skin them alive?

  17. on 27 Jun 2008 at 4:34 pm   Peter

    Nope

    Oh. Oh well, does my rabid hatred of jews/blacks/Mexicans/gays/forruners make me a fascist? I hope so. Otherwise i’m cancelling my Daily Mail subscription.

  18. on 27 Jun 2008 at 4:47 pm   Dave from Bristol (not not Europe)

    What really gets me about the complaint about the BBC’s reporting of Zimbabwe is, they’ve never thought it was about that slightly obvious detail that Mugabe is an asshole and a violent dictator and not this stupid notion that the BBC still harks back to the British Empire. It’s not like they’re referring to the bloody place as Rhodesia still! If they were talking about Hitler in the same way they wouldn’t be complaining. Though anything’s possible with HYSers…

  19. on 27 Jun 2008 at 4:48 pm   Vicky

    Will s/he send in a complaint for each and every televised event of the Olympics this summer, or just one huge steaming one to cover the whole thing?
    And is the consumption of cute little doggies really the most important criticism to make of China?

    Why am I asking you?

  20. on 27 Jun 2008 at 5:58 pm   Umlaut Ampersand

    Phew, I’m just glad no-one mentioned to him what they do to the monkeys they eat out there…

  21. on 27 Jun 2008 at 6:19 pm   Things to eat

    Tiger Cock Bothering, Panda shagging, weird belief system furringers. Pah. And people really think that we are ready to encounter aliens from another planet.

  22. on 27 Jun 2008 at 6:21 pm   Things to eat

    Probably the people who complain about mutli-culturalism are the ones with a fascination of space travel and are big fans of Star Wars.

  23. on 27 Jun 2008 at 6:23 pm   Things to eat

    I am a big fan of mutli, made me laugh with his wheezy snigger when Dick Dastardly was foiled.

  24. on 27 Jun 2008 at 6:59 pm   The Ghost of Robin Cook

    Say what you like about those chinese, they’re clever little bastards… skinning a live cat… that takes a hell of a lot of skill.

    In my mind’s eye I can see a shed full of bored but industrious chinese workers, flipping and slicing at screaming, scratching, blood-squirting cats as they deftly remove the pelts. They then put the pelt and cat onto seperate belts and reach for the next one. The shocked, trembling moggies are trundled away and then tipped into a house-sized vat of boiling chillies to make Mog-Wog Soup.

    That’s how you get to rule the world.

  25. on 27 Jun 2008 at 8:02 pm   MatthewS

    “Thumped in the face by a fascist” Lmao!
    Not only would he have a broken nose, but by a FASCIST!!!

  26. on 27 Jun 2008 at 9:27 pm   Tom

    Because it’s common knowledge that the far right have traditionally promoted homosexual relationships.

  27. on 30 Jun 2008 at 1:12 am   Abi

    I don’t know if it happens in China or not, but skinning animals alive for their fur is not by any means unheard of.

    That person is a bit of a cunt though. I bet they stick their fingers in their ears and go “lalalalala” when ever anyone mentions things they don’t like, such as civil partnerships and coloured folk.

  28. on 30 Jun 2008 at 12:58 pm   bigruss

    i’d eat a dog. i hear they taste a bit like chicken.

  29. on 07 Jul 2008 at 5:51 pm   Simon

    so in your opinion two other people who you don’t know getting married is comparable to you getting punched in the face by a facist (the relevance of their politics is lost on me too)?

    i saw a lesbian couple kiss goodbye at a train station once. it was comparable to being kicked in the shin by a LibDem voting Aston Villa fan.