Thanks to Alex for this one. It’s from a Times piece about the reappointment of Mervyn King for a second term as Governor of the Bank of England. Yes, I’ve had it in my inbox since January.
I have been attacked today in Tesco for sending a Birthday card to my sister aged 61. The counter assistant decided it was not Jewish to celebrate birthdays and so I was weeded out. The Irish woman with IRA terror effects refused to serve me and left my card and difficult gift card unattended where anyone could have grabbed my goods as gift cards are easy fraud with no security for gift. A youth like Bhutto or orange brown skin and about 3 women than harangued me and said the woman was crying. In my life women have made me cry when younger and so it seems silly. They did not discern my need and now we face smaller and smaller populations while aliens and terror history rules our green and once pleasant land. These juveniles banned me from Tesco2 and seem to know my telephone number and address and my dire financial situation which I manage but they have a conspiracy with dentists, doctors, sport & car to block my every move as a sick intelligence as in 1984 + 3,4 wars before.
Dr MI Barton MA. MBA.PhD, Oxon., UK
It’s obviously written by someone who’s a bit poorly but it’s quite good fun trying to imagine what really happened in Tesco that day.
39 Responses to “Difficult Gift Card”
Its like a JM Coetzee extract. Marvellous prose…mozarts of gab!
Hey, I’m an Irish woman! I wonder do I have “IRA terror effects”. I’ve never noticed, if so. And if I go over to Britain, will my “terror history” allow me to rule the land? Here’s hoping!
Seriously, I know this person is unwell, but I can only imagine what the repulsive old racist said to make that woman cry. I usually feel sorry for pitiful elderly loons, but this one is making that very difficult.
I tapped his name into the search box and Google vomited a stream of incoherent bile onto my screen. “The women are really full 0f it and queers have so much more.
USA politics of Republican/ Democrat shows the cheating of the Norwegian Nobel Prize and the big Dot Com and computers and Green but high pollution materials against the traditional heavy industry…” No wonder a trip to the supermarket is such a trial for the poor doctor.
Is the twat-o-tron moonlighting?
That’s absolutely extraordinary. I bet he’s got a genius novel on the go.
Democrats and Republicans interfering internally and policies over blacks, Asians and women shows 75% loss of opportunities for indigenous UK applicants over last 40yr.
Weak welfare state and lower % for our poor for immigration slags shows false government and a spite in Education policies as Grammars Schools ostracised after bad staff moves and Reds saying they were capitalist but really top Public Schools and Private schools wrong.
The Clintons with their mad black population policies and history of vice and bad degree in Oxford from 1968, when Chrysler Maf. were in UK, and yet given Hon Degree by Jenkins with Hil. in attendance and no help from Bill over flooding catastrophe, are so scandalous it is bad.
Their open ended expansion policy need planned limited resources with lowering trends all over the world not as they give expansion with excitement and ridiculous firsts or is that fails.
Hil. could be helping ruin UK soccer or Philately or just a fell walker.
The good Dr Barton on… no, actually see for yourselves
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article2168901.ece
“open ended expansion”, you say…
So much hate compressed into a few lines of prose, and so much of incomprehensible, but my favourite line is: “In my life women have made me cry when younger and so it seems silly.” I’m not sure if he’s trying to get Mummy back or make Mummy proud. I don’t suppose it matters when you’re crossing the street to avoid him. The cockmongler.
“Dr MI Barton MA. MBA.PhD, Oxon., UK”?
What a ponce.
And a fibber. Oxford University doesn’t award ‘PhDs’. It uses the abbreviation ‘DPhil’ for its doctorates instead.
reminds me of this guy, from whom i’ve been getting my headcase kicks for a few years now: http://garydchance.bravejournal.com/
What sort of a degree is a “UK”, anyway?
I’m not entirely convinced by his credentials. An Oxford doctorate would be a DPhil, not a PhD, which you would think, having got one, he would know. I would have thought that a basic grasp of grammar, syntax, and typing with more than one finger would also have been required. Maybe they’ve got harder since his day.
Gah, took me so long to type that with my one finger that sharon gazumped me.
Ho hum
“Excuse me sir, this card’s £2.60. You’ve only given me £1.38″
“Pardon?”
“It’s £2.60. You’re £1.12 short”
“You Jews don’t celebrate birthdays.”
“I think you mean Jehovah’s…”
“That’s why you won’t sell me the card, you’re Jew, you said it yourself. I knew it, I can tell by your nose! A Jew! A bloody Jew! No wonder you won’t sell me that card.”
“Yes, I am a Jew if that’s any business, but the simple fact is you didn’t give me enough money for the…”
“It’s always about money with you Jews.”
“That’s it, I’m calling the manager.”
“Jew! Jew! JEEEEEEEW!!!”
“Excuse me sir, you’re causing a scene.”
“Bloody Irish at it now! You’re Gerry Adams, I know you, you’re Gerry Adams! Terrorist! Jew!”
“Sir, if you don’t stop making trouble I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“I didn’t fight Hitler in three world wars to have Jews working in shops! Jew! Jew!”
“Ok Sarah, you sit down, don’t worry about him. Sunita, could you give me a hand with this guy?”
“Good Lord, it’s Benazir Bhutto! How are you old gal, thought you were dead. Clearly not. My memory you see, mind’s the first thing to go.”
“Ok sir, I think you’d better go home.”
“Home? HOME!?!! How do you know I have a home!?!! You’ve been reading my letters, haven’t you? Out of my postcode, how do you know my postcode? Where are you reading it? My postcode, how do you know I have a postcode? I say, you know that kike girl is crying? Terrible show. I blame the women.”
Anybody who puts Dr before their name and PhD after it as well is a charlatan. But to be charitable to the fella, the ‘Oxon.’ bit could just mean he lives in Bicester or somewhere.
He rather reminds me of the poor chap behind http://www.mi5.com/ who thinks that MI5 are persecuting him by sending messages through his television. Well they are now you’ve nicked their domain name, smartypants!
I think I might be able to get some sense out of this, actually:
“As we all know, Tesco is controlled by the Jewish Illuminati/Bilderberg Group/One World Government/generic faceless fear-of-the-jews conspiracy group. They always decide to make my life hell, here is how they did it today.”
“Naturally, the Jews themselves are too rich and important to work in Tesco, so they use Roman Catholics to do their dirty work, though these Roman Catholics are, naturally, fully versed in the conspiracy’s aims such that they can identify and hamper me without higher authority.”
“I was trying to pay for my purchase with a gift card in an identical card. In fact I was trying to buy a gift card with another gift card. I know it doesn’t accomplish much but it keeps me amused.”
“I have left out the two or three minutes that disappeared. This may have been some kind of jew-mandated alien abduction, as I found I was shaking and sweating and the edges of my vision were red.”
No, that’s just scary.
Severe Parkinson’s Posts.
I’m confused dot com
lol @ Alex.
Also, I spotted an obscure ‘Mrs Brady, Old Lady’ reference.
Am I alone in thinking doctors probably should be tracking this lad really quite closely.
Mind you he’s probably quite easy to spot in his tinfoil hat and that nice jacket that does up the back, staggering round the streets haranguing people for being brown/white/orange/female/young/alien/dentists/disguised doctors/jewish/irish/indian/sane/big brother/ill/intelligent/a driver/a sportsman/-woman or involved in a land war in asia/the middle east.
Care in the community really isn’t working is it?
Bugger, just spotted Dr James not from the Jewish conspiracy PhD’s mention of care in the community.
Not my fault though, it’s the dentists.
They tell me to do things.
Where I work if you see UK in a sentence it means unknown so it might be that
When you see it on HYS it means “qualified to spout ill-thought-out knee-jerk racist shit at the slightest provocation,” sounds appropriate here,
Actually ‘UK’ tends to mean “Not a deranged racist bell-end”.
It’s ‘Blighty’, ‘No Longer Great Britain’ and especially ‘Airstrip 1′ you need to watch out for.
I am almost positive that this fella used to write letters to the complaints dept of the Broadband provider i used to work for. The part about there being a conspiracy involving dentists and sport rings a huge bell. He claimed to have been drummed out of the medical profession by MI5 for very confusing and complicated reasons and he reckoned we were making him ill by monitoring his movements using the internet. All of which was a roundabout way of telling us he wasn’t going to pay his bill.
Well thanks a lot Dr James not from Oxon PhD - I’ve just wasted several hours reading http://www.mi5.com.
It’s a real gripping, epic tale - it will make you laugh, it will make you cry. A truly fascinating and disturbing insight into schizophrenia.
Conspiracy pecan love badger Jewish lizard-bastard-people Icke illuminati bastards Evil Dentist Queen Mum eat baby.
BLUE PILL MAKE DICKY LONG AND HARD!
This guy’s clearly a very confused scientologist who thinks dentists and psychiatrists are the same thing
It read a bit like a boner pill ad at first.
Re: http://www.mi5.com
Bloody hell!
Re: http://www.mi5.com
Bloody hell!
And the rest. Conclusive proof. Of something.
This just makes me want to Merge with the Otherwhere. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I don’t know if this adds anything, but I don’t think Oxford award MA’s either. It would be somthing along the lines of MMath or MPhys (All the people I know who went to Oxford did real degrees :-))
As a till monkey in Sainsburys I have to deal with ‘these sorts’ on a worryingly regular basis. I can handle their madness (microwaves are the silent killers, nectar cards contain your DNA, streams of incoherent racism). It’s the drooling/pissing/shitting that bothers me.
Paul: I went to Oxford, and have an MPhys. It is still only a BA (the full title is BA MPhys) as it is an undergraduate degree
You can get a full MA. Although not in Physics, Chemistry etc (you move on to DPhils after the BA Mxxxx)
Wow!!!!!
A new Elie. although possibly a bit less “harmless”
He also reckons the aliens have been stealing our cricket supporters’ funds -
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/cricket/article4152404.ece
Dear Editor,
The most abused is that batsmen get the benefit of doubt.
Ordinary games and special camera rules must still agree to this.
If a batsman changes defence then original rules should apply so leg stays leg and sixes are sixes.
20/20 is bad and soccer drains supporters funds for aliens
Dr MI Barton MA. MBA.PhD, Oxon., uk
Blimey, I’m still confused as to what happened. Terrorists and Aliens? Was it a remake of Independence Day?
Back on the subject of the MI5 bloke, my favourite thing is that he thinks the “communication” from the newsreaders takes the form of sly nods and winks during stories.
He must go mental at the end of The Weakest Link.
Another Paul: Thank you for clearing that up. Now im going to start a fight with those lieing sods who let me thing they had a Masters :-).
Or think even.