The Regular Twats07 Jul 2008 09:13 am

Sour-faced Harpy

By Nelson

Was browsing the thread about an actor (from “Emmerdale”) who died. I was looking for Grief Athletes but found this work of pointless, hilarious spite from Joy Pattinson. It’s not often that I cackle out loud at a HYS post. I bet this sour-faced harpy has eaten the assorted bodily scrapings of countless angry waiters and waitresses. Anyway, here you go:

Since Emmerdale is not broadcast outside the UK to my knowledge, I know nothing about this actor. He clearly allowed himself to become and remain type cast and in the end left us without becoming known to millions of us. I find it not fitting as a question for a world audience. I have never ever seen Emmerdale and this loss should be a warning to other budding actors to not become type case if they really want to be known outside the UK. Joy
Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

44 Responses to “Sour-faced Harpy”

  1. on 07 Jul 2008 at 9:29 am   deadestfish

    I have never ever seen Emmerdale and this loss should be a warning to other budding actors to not become type case

    I agree with this. I’ve never watched Emmerdale either, but it’s obvious appearing in it can be fatal. Not only would I warn young actors against becomming type-case, but they should also watch to ensure they do not become a font.

  2. on 07 Jul 2008 at 9:39 am   Joe C

    I know some people who work on Emmerdale, I’ll be sure to pass on Joy’s warning about her not having heard of them. I’m sure they’ll be upset!

    I wonder, does it bother Joy that she’s probably not even known in ROLLE, Switzerland? Or if she is know, it’s as a sour-faced harpy…

  3. on 07 Jul 2008 at 9:41 am   Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

    I can’t believe she’s openly displaying her pleasure at the poor guy dying. She seems overjoyed by his untimely demise.

    That or she signed off twice. Either way, she’s rubbish.

  4. on 07 Jul 2008 at 9:52 am   DisgustedOfTunbridgeWells

    I know nothing about Joy, she has clearly allowed herself to become a derranged piss soaked lunatic, this should be a warning to other curtain twitching loony tunes.

  5. on 07 Jul 2008 at 9:58 am   Sally

    Did you know?

    Added: Friday, 4 July, 2008, 12:42 GMT 13:42 UK

    Do you know I am furious.

    I find it staggering that a public service, paid for by the public INCLUDING ME, is allowing the on-line slagging off of ANYONE who has recently passed away.

    What if this was your dad????

    Will you PLEASE do something about it NOW.

    Drew Peebawls, Over there, United Kingdom

    Recommended by 13 people

  6. on 07 Jul 2008 at 10:11 am   skunkpussy

    Oh dear, she really shouldn’t post such shit on the interweb using her real name, especially when a quick Google search reveals her address to be:

    EDIT: Let’s not publish their addresses eh? :) I mean, obviously the stupid witch has published it herself, but let’s not make it worse.

    Maybe she’d like to receive some “assorted bodily scrapings” with her morning mail too?

  7. on 07 Jul 2008 at 10:11 am   Rhodri

    Joy is clearly a cretinous loon who seemingly can’t deal with anything unless it has been created with her specifically in mind.

    Charles Wheeler: Your memories

    I dont remember him at all but I DO remember Alistair Cooke whose bones were apparently stolen! I would prefer to hear more about him, a household name than someone who was dubbed a knight. like Robert Mugabe was. Nobody asked us if we remembered Alistair and millions of us still miss him. But I never heard of this Charles Wheeler. What did he do exactly? Joy

    Or

    How will being a republic change Nepal?

    It makes no difference to me whether Nepal remains a monarchy or becomes a republic. We hear so little about this country, neither is going to affect many of us. But all I would say is that since we hear no news about Nepal, no news is good news. Which means the monarchy were running the country quite satisfactorily. So what does that say about this change? That it is not necessary? Joy

    Or

    Were you happy with the Dr Who finale?

    I utterly loathe and detest this ridiculous series. I couldn’t give a damn about Tennant and whether he or anybody else figures in this series. Millions of expats are livid that this takes up some 9 hours of viewing time. The whole thing is totally daft and because of it I have had my TV turned OFF for many hours. I will not degrade my own intelligence by looking at even half an episode. I am sick to death with it. its moronic stuff. Joy

    Poor Joy. Never has someone been so unaptly named.

  8. on 07 Jul 2008 at 10:24 am   Alex

    It makes no difference to me whether Nepal remains a monarchy or becomes a republic. We hear so little about this country, neither is going to affect many of us.

    This is one of these clever euphemisms for “I have fuck all idea what I’m on about but I can’t ignore the blank box”.

    I have had my TV turned OFF for many hours.

    I can only imagine how strange it must feel for you to have the TV off. Have you tried pressing the buttons marked “2″, “3″, “4″ and “5″? They make extra programmes happen.

  9. on 07 Jul 2008 at 10:26 am   Sam

    What amuses me is that on the list of HYS topics, it’s not called “Clive Hornby dies: Your comments” or Clive Hornby: Your memories”, but “Jack Sugden actor dies: Your reaction”. While it is very sad for someone that he died (personally I don’t really care, but wish those who do well), surely if he has to be introduced through the use of his character’s name rather than his own, it’s probably not worth the endless comments of

    “Who is he? What did he do? I’ve never heard of him? Why am I typing here? What is that ferret doing climbing into my anus?”

    “ALL U PPL WHO KEP COMENTING THAT U DNT NO HU HE IS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLSP LS STOP IT ITS POINTLES N NO1 CAREZ HE WOZ A GR8 MAN N MENNY WOS THE NITE I DIDDLED MI SELF TO DA PIC OV HIS STRONG HANDS”

  10. on 07 Jul 2008 at 10:31 am   Nelson

    She quite often uses the phrase “my own intelligence”. I’m starting to suspect that she’s an AI. One of the older models, before we perfected it back in May.

  11. on 07 Jul 2008 at 10:36 am   simon

    Did her parents really Christen her with the same name twice? most actors need a second job anyway and working as a type case is probably better than waiting tables, easier on the feet and you are visible at all times, an advantage for an actor.

  12. on 07 Jul 2008 at 10:45 am   Far-Q

    Joy clearly needs to get out more, rather than sit at home typing onto the interweb that things that don’t affect her don’t affect her. I mean how f@#$%@#g pointless is that?

    ‘What’s this? A subject I neither care about nor know anything about? I know, I shall inform the whole world that I’m ignorant and despise anything that isn’t of direct interest to me, that would be a good use of my time.’

    And clearly this thought process isn’t a one off aberration either, judging by the repetitive nature of her comments.

  13. on 07 Jul 2008 at 10:55 am   TMISv2.0

    Joy in name only…

  14. on 07 Jul 2008 at 11:10 am   Far-Q

    While Googling to double check my spelling of aberration I came across this on wikipedia:

    ‘Aberration has several meanings:
    * An abnormality of chromosomes
    * A disorder in one’s mental state (see Mental illness)’

    Both seem likely to apply to Joy.

  15. on 07 Jul 2008 at 11:11 am   Felna

    “I find it not fitting as a question for a world audience.”

    Silly me, and I thought the BBCs prime audience was the UK - the clue’s in the website address - http://www.bbc.co.uk

    I always find it deeply sad that expats seem to think that the BBC should relocate it’s focus to the country they have moved too, I feel pity for these people who’s lives are so blighted by moving to a new country that all they can do is moan about what’s happening in the country they have willingly rejected.

    Then I think that actually they’re all a pile of rat’s flanges and get on with my life.

  16. on 07 Jul 2008 at 11:21 am   Vicky

    I have had my TV turned OFF for many hours.

    I had that same problem until a kind lady at the day centre showed me how to change the channel. Before that I passed the time playing this very clever game in the internets. There’s these little white boxes and you have to fill all of them up with words before anyone else does. It’s much more fun than the felt bunny rabbits we made last week.

  17. on 07 Jul 2008 at 11:35 am   Joe

    Mind you, she’s full of surprises - who’d have thought she’d have been such a big fan of Robert Mugabe?

    http://www.zimbabwesituation.com/may1b_2008.html

    Sanctions will only make life harder for the citizens of this blighted country. You cannot remove Mugabe because he is elected TRIBAL LEADER FOR LIFE. He must be made to understand that title is apart from that of President of the country. Governments must recognize his title and stop demeaning him. He did the country a power of good in the first place and this is being overlooked. He needs to be helped and advised and not
    continuously chided. Annoyance with him will get nowhere. Joy

    Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

  18. on 07 Jul 2008 at 11:39 am   skunkpussy

    I find it not fitting as a question for a world audience.

    Actually, the BBC is way ahead of Joy on that one. The BBC site has 2 versions, ‘UK’ and ‘International’. You can select which one you want to see from the options on the front page.
    The ‘Jack Sugden’ HYS *doesn’t* appear on the international version, making her post extra-extra-extra pointless.

    The dozy old cumbucket.

  19. on 07 Jul 2008 at 11:39 am   skunkpussy

    ^ arsebiscuits

  20. on 07 Jul 2008 at 11:49 am   James not from Sussex

    Joy should be a lot more careful with her words. Clive Hornby was a family friend and Joy should be told exactly how much pain her thoughtless comments have caused. Anyone who knew Clive knew that at the heart of his soul was a dark shadow caused by his abject lack of success in Switzerland.

    I remember some ugly nights when Clive, having drunk the place dry, was necking the lamp oil, stripped to the waist and howling at the sky “WHEN, ROLLE? WHEN WILL MY TIME COME?” If only Joy knew how many years Clive spent begging YTV to invest in SRG SSR idée suisse. If only she had an inkling of the thousands of letters he wrote to Brussels town council urging it to reform its traffic planning “to make things more like the Yorkshire Dales.”

    Let me tell you, Joy, the sight of a grown man stripped naked, crudely warpainted in slurry and flagellating himself with an agricultural flail, lit only by the halo cast from the saddened eyes of a Massey Ferguson idling on the cattle grid, cursing the name of Corina Casanova is a sight that does not easily vacate one’s mind. You’ve opened old wounds today, Joy. I hope it was worth it.

  21. on 07 Jul 2008 at 12:17 pm   Mr Cat

    She really is the sourest viper imaginable.

    I’m used to laughing at the people who take the time to write “who cares” whenever anyone dies, but to write an essay on no-one caring is just bitter brilliance at its best.

    I can imagine her sitting there thinking and intellectualising about exactly why she finds it so offensive that people and things that she has not heard about appear on her computer.

  22. on 07 Jul 2008 at 12:20 pm   Mim

    In the interests of combining pointless pedantry and crude insult, I very much doubt that Joy is in any literal sense a cumbucket.

  23. on 07 Jul 2008 at 12:47 pm   skunkpussy

    Joy on the question: “Should the Church of England appoint women bishops?”

    Since women and gays serve more or less the same purpose, I see no reason why women should not become bishops. I am sick of areas of public life where women appear to be cast aside. They are humans just like the men are and many of them have higher principles than men. So they should be invited to become bishops if they wish. We have mother superiors and many nuns - what is the difference? It’s 2008 after all and we should be moving on in all quarters WITH women, the creators! Joy

    WTF?!

    Since women and gays serve more or less the same purpose,…

    Is she talking about ‘givers’ and ‘receivers’? Surely, at any given moment, only a maximum 50% of the gays can be ‘receivers’ (excluding the use of ‘implements’, obviously).

  24. on 07 Jul 2008 at 12:54 pm   James not from Sussex

    Is she saying she wants more men to be gay nuns?

  25. on 07 Jul 2008 at 1:16 pm   Another Paul

    Surely, at any given moment, only a maximum 50% of the gays can be ‘receivers’ (excluding the use of ‘implements’, obviously).

    You could have one giant circle-fuck where 100% of participants are receivers (and givers at the same time). All covered in deli mayo, of course.

  26. on 07 Jul 2008 at 1:53 pm   skunkpussy

    You could have one giant circle-fuck where 100% of participants are receivers (and givers at the same time).

    Possibly, but how would the ‘mechanics’ of that work? Some kind of horizontal Mexican wave motion? Also, there must be a minimum radius required for the circle to prevent asymmetrical knob chafing?

    Joy is one sick bitch if she’s managed to figure all that out!

  27. on 07 Jul 2008 at 2:10 pm   bigruss

    i think i hate joy.

  28. on 07 Jul 2008 at 2:10 pm   Em

    ::chokes::

    Dear me, what a way to celebrate Gay Pride…

  29. on 07 Jul 2008 at 2:23 pm   The Go-nutteer

    I have had my TV turned OFF for many hours.

    Unbelievable. Honestly, I hadn’t realised how upset you were until now…

  30. on 07 Jul 2008 at 2:25 pm   The Go-nutteer

    In the interests of combining pointless pedantry and crude insult, I very much doubt that Joy is in any literal sense a cumbucket.

    I doubt she’s ever been anywhere near the stuff.

  31. on 07 Jul 2008 at 3:20 pm   Mr Cat

    Can someone post a link to her user profile thing on HYS (that’s allowed isn’t it?)

    I’d like to read her nuggets of bile at my own leisure rather than in big and depressing SYB shaped hunks like this.

    And yes (in response to another post on another topic) that tabbing thing does my head in completely.

  32. on 07 Jul 2008 at 3:49 pm   Joy

    Can someone post a link to her user profile thing on HYS (that’s allowed isn’t it?)

    Try:
    newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/profile.jspa?userID=2414513&edition=1&ttl=20080608102850

    WARNING: Prolonged exposure to Joy Pattinson’s opinions may cause you to involuntary knifecrime yourself in the face.

  33. on 07 Jul 2008 at 3:53 pm   James not from Sussex

    Will the hostages rescue change Colombian politics?

    Its a strange thing but having been through such an ordeal, most hostages start immediately showing their strength and resolve.They just don’t lie down, another Terry Waite. They become stars overnight. I dont think this rescue will make the slightest difference to the FARC. Probably it will inject most impetus into them. Joy

    Anyone want to bet that “such an ordeal” was a traffic jam in Brussels?

  34. on 07 Jul 2008 at 5:03 pm   Nelson

    Can someone post a link to her user profile thing on HYS (that’s allowed isn’t it?)

    Totally. Read-only stuff is fine by me and my warped editorial policy.

    I’ve removed a couple of real/email addresses before when people have gone hunting down these pricks. Not that I expect any of you overwhelmingly decent people would go and shit in her awful hair or anything but I don’t want this site to become a call to arms or owt.

    Besides, I’m sure the hateful sow reaps what she sows already. Her failure to realise that the selfish wankstorm she inhabits is of her own making is her real problem :)

  35. on 07 Jul 2008 at 5:09 pm   Oliver

    Joy has a point, I wish they would get all those ex-hostages off the TV on a Saturday night and put some ‘real’ stars back on. Like Bruce Forsyth

    Perhaps she is getting Hostages and Reality TV contestants mixed up…Easy mistake.

    Is she dissing Terry Waite or not? I can’t decide.

  36. on 07 Jul 2008 at 5:18 pm   Mr Cat

    Yeah - email addresses are a no no - for lots of reasons, one of which is that people often have the same names as these lunatics and may not understand the deluge of spam this site might generate.

    And yes … Joy is truly living in misery. I think of her as a descendent of some Oswald Mosely related exile, frantically trying to comment on and participate in a country that she knows she can never return to in fear of arrest for crimes of gross stupidity.

  37. on 07 Jul 2008 at 6:20 pm   Adrian

    Joy on vaccines:

    Added: Sunday, 11 May, 2008, 06:55 GMT 07:55 UK

    Vaccines should never become compulsory. I almost died after a diptheria vaccine and was given an antedote at 3am which saved my life. Kids are often allergic to the contents of vaccines. No parent should be forced to jab a kiddie. With bad hygiene you could be infecting millions with HIV! Or is that the whole idea? One begins to wonder where these whacky idea come from. Gordon Brown and his cronies should resign immediately. What next will they come up with? Compulsory jogging? Joy

    Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland

    Recommended by 119 people

  38. on 07 Jul 2008 at 7:06 pm   Far-Q

    Severe Problems (Very Rare)
    Serious allergic reaction (less than 1 out of a million doses) Several other severe problems have been reported after DTaP vaccine. These include:
    * Long-term seizures, coma, or lowered consciousness
    * Permanent brain damage.
    These are so rare it is hard to tell if they are caused by the vaccine.

    Side effects of the DTaP vaccine. Our Joy certainly got the second of those with her vaccine.

  39. on 07 Jul 2008 at 7:42 pm   Admirable Chrichton

    I imagine Joy is so cheerless and wanky that individual photons lose all of their energy in a five meter radius of her being, creating a sphere of pure darkness around her.

  40. on 08 Jul 2008 at 6:55 am   domino

    I want it on my epitaph:

    “I brought them Joy”

  41. on 08 Jul 2008 at 4:00 pm   Louise

    Joy on knife crime:

    “There is ONLY one way to combat the crime in Britain today. That is to bring back the National Call-up.”

    Great plan, Joy. Take all those violent youths and teach them how to stab people *properly*.

  42. on 09 Jul 2008 at 11:15 pm   Civilian Homosexual

    I almost died after a diptheria vaccine

    Only almost? Shame!

  43. on 14 Jul 2008 at 2:22 pm   Ann

    Millions of ex-pats detest Dr. Who? Well if she got off her arse to learn some French, German or Italian, she could watch some wonderful Swiss TV…

  44. on 20 Aug 2008 at 7:52 pm   Paul

    Having Googled her myself, haven’t found the address yet, I notice that clearly she spends her whole life posting on various sites about things that have nothing to do with her and that clearly she has no informed opinion about.

    This gem from a blog about the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, where she ties herself in knots about the blame for her death and seems to praise the terrorists, blame Benazir, then compare her to two totally unrelated assassinations, then praise Benazir (? I think). Well, you make your own mind up.

    “First, to say this was an act of cowardice could not be more wrong when the fact is she was killed by a suicide killer - and to take that decision does not involve cowardice! Secondly, she knew she was in danger and was risking her life. She nonetheless returned to Pakistan, causing havoc. She met the same fate as Olaf Palme, Anwar Sadat and others only she met her death in full recognition that it could happen at any moment. She was courageous, determined and badly let down by security. Joy

    Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland ”

    I’ve made up mine - WTF ???!!!!