Permanently Bewildered and Retired Colonels08 Jul 2008 09:20 am

Favourite Horse

By Nelson

Thanks for another installment. Glad to see that the BBC managed to keep away from metric measurements for a change.

RADIO 4 – NEWS BULLETINS
“I objected to the BBC giving out temperatures on the weather forecast. If people want to know the temperature they will buy a thermometer. I believe the only reason you give out temperatures is because the EU tell you to.”

BBC.CO.UK
“I decide to take the ‘Conspiracy Test’ on the BBC website, however I opened the page numerous times and answered each question on each page with the same answer. At the end of each test it gave me the same answer. I would like to know why the BBC is trying to defraud me.”

NEWS – GENERAL
“I would like the BBC to investigate the CIA.”

WEATHER
“In the forecasts at 08.25 and 08.55 Chris Fawkes talked about ‘spits and spots of rain’. This was not correct English.”

DERBY DAY
“I am annoyed that there is no coverage of the horses in the ring where you can look at them and choose which one you like best. All you can see is the horses at the starting line. That’s not much fun.”

GENERAL TV
“I’d love to see more traditional folk dancing on the BBC. Please encourage this lovely British custom.”

22 Responses to “Favourite Horse”

  1. on 08 Jul 2008 at 9:29 am   James not from Sussex

    I objected to the BBC giving out temperatures on the weather forecast. If people want to know the temperature they will buy a thermometer. I believe the only reason you give out temperatures is because the EU tell you to.

    I would like to know where I can buy this magical thermometer that can tell me what temperature it will be later in the day. And also how the EU forced the BBC to give out temperatures back in the 1950′s before the EU existed.

    I would like the BBC to investigate the CIA.

    Careful. When you stare into the CIA, the CIA stares back.

    I am annoyed that there is no coverage of the horses in the ring where you can look at them and choose which one you like best. All you can see is the horses at the starting line. That’s not much fun.

    Well, have De Agostini got the magazine for you!

  2. on 08 Jul 2008 at 9:38 am   Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

    I am annoyed that there is no coverage of the horses in the ring where you can look at them and choose which one you like best

    Am I missing something? When did horses take up boxing?

  3. on 08 Jul 2008 at 10:09 am   jpr

    I can’t help thinking that readers of this site are now phoning up the BBC to complain about things, just to see if they can get them selected. These *can’t* be real can they?

    It’s too depressing to contemplate …

  4. on 08 Jul 2008 at 10:16 am   Rob

    Sometimes I feel stupid, this is not one of those times.

  5. on 08 Jul 2008 at 10:22 am   Briantist

    It appears that the ‘Conspiracy Test’ is a conspiracy to discover if anyone out there understand basic algebra.

  6. on 08 Jul 2008 at 10:33 am   Mr Cat

    Nelson – where is the retired colonels tag?

    BBC.CO.UK
    “I decide to take the ‘Conspiracy Test’ on the BBC website, however I opened the page numerous times and answered each question on each page with the same answer. At the end of each test it gave me the same answer. I would like to know why the BBC is trying to defraud me.”

    I think about this. I think again. I think long and hard.

    I still don’t understand the lunacy behind it.

    What is this person trying to say?

  7. on 08 Jul 2008 at 10:46 am   Phil

    Felt that Nelson’s filing technique was poor. “This bolg is insufficeintly orangised! What has happened to “this” country when BBC compliants are no longer filed as Retired Colonels? Whatever next? Peados running parLAMENT??!”

  8. on 08 Jul 2008 at 10:46 am   sieve (M, STR, GSOH, N/S, NBM)

    I think that the BBC/EU islamo-fascist love-in is causing us hell on earth. Why inflict the weather report on us at all? if people want to know the weather, all they have to do is get a mortgage, buy a house, and then look out the window.

  9. on 08 Jul 2008 at 10:52 am   Far-Q

    The BBC isn’t trying to defraud you, it’s in a conspiracy to keep f@ckwits of the world repeatedly doing the same pointless test again and again, answering the same questions the same way again and again, so they can weed out the weirdos and kill them with RSI or apoplexy.

    I hope.

  10. on 08 Jul 2008 at 11:00 am   John Fallhammer

    To be fair, if you’re gambling you really do need a good look at the horses walking around before the race.

  11. on 08 Jul 2008 at 11:02 am   Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

    Yes. This’ll be perfect for my new website…

    http://www.ifyoulikethetemperaturesomuchwhydontyougomeasureit.com

  12. on 08 Jul 2008 at 1:59 pm   Umlaut Ampersand

    @ Mr. Cat: I probably (i.e. definitely) shouldn’t be taking this so seriously, but I believe that the colonel meant to state that he’d been entering different answers each time but still getting the same result.

    I found the test:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/conspiracy_files/6161425.stm

    It’s proper shit too.

    However, the BBC did succesfully manage to mix up the weighting of the answers what a nutter would give (i.e. some of the conspiracy nut answers are 1s and some are 5s – which is good practice of sorts), but because the use of numbers for answers don’t correspond with the weighting in the results, you’ll get a middling score either way if you answer all 1s or all 5s. Which appears at first glance to be bad maths and is certainly great fuel for the warped minds of conspiracy theorists.

    Damn it, this complaint’s almost legitimate.

    Now I’m off to shoot myself. Faretheewell Colonel!

  13. on 08 Jul 2008 at 2:09 pm   DW

    I wonder if the person who asked about looking at horses in the ring was that weird fucker who got caught fucking a pony a few years ago!

    Why waste money on thermometer when you can just go oustide and see how hot or cold it is…

    If anyone told me I said something that wasn’t “correct english” I would slap them with my cock

  14. on 08 Jul 2008 at 3:29 pm   Mr Cat

    Umlaut

    I would agree if it wasn’t that the complainent says the opposite. To reiterate:

    I opened the page numerous times and answered each question on each page with the same answer. At the end of each test it gave me the same answer.

  15. on 08 Jul 2008 at 3:49 pm   Royce

    I hate it when the BBC broadcast audio with their television programmes. If people wanted to listen to sound, they’d buy a radio.

    Bloody EU.

  16. on 08 Jul 2008 at 7:21 pm   Umlaut Ampersand

    Mr. Cat – I know, I know. I was attempting to do a very dangerous thing: look at the nonsensical ramblings of a HYSer and attempt to find a logical explanation. Is it too naive to think that somewhere in that mound of filth and hatred there could just be a single legitimate marmalade-in-the-moustache typo…?

    Ok, yes, it is.

  17. on 09 Jul 2008 at 9:52 am   TanYA (LOL)

    U are all like well freeky wot u bothering 4

  18. on 09 Jul 2008 at 10:02 am   Tim

    I have to wonder, what is it that’s *like* well freeky, but not *actually* well freeky?

    And why is it that these ‘txt-spk’ morons insist on abbreviating the shortests words in their messages? ‘You’ and ‘for’ are not exactly difficult to type.

    Finally, what’s “freeky” anyway? We all know when common people start bandying words with “free” in them about, it’s always something subversive, like Open Source or Communisim.

  19. on 09 Jul 2008 at 10:04 am   Tim

    Feh. “Shortest”, not “shortests”. Something about personal petards appropriate here.

  20. on 09 Jul 2008 at 10:39 am   Alex

    TanYa (LOL) does have a point. Why the fuck DO we bother? It’s not as if SYB makes the world or even HYS a less completely-fucking-stupid place.

  21. on 09 Jul 2008 at 12:13 pm   Neil M

    Why you ask????

    To ‘ave a laff you fools!

  22. on 09 Jul 2008 at 7:09 pm   Brian

    Obviously, thermometer person is taking the piss out of all the Celsius-haters.