More goodness. Thanks.
RADIO 2 - STEVE WRIGHT
“I was so annoyed with Steve Wright’s approach to the weather report. I do wish he would use the correct words to describe the temperature. ‘Degrees Celsius’ is not an English term.”
As you’re nearly dead already, I hope you realise that none of us are going to give a greasy fuck about your campaign after you’ve gone. It’s completely noddy.
RADIO 2 - WAKE UP TO WOGAN
“I feel that the programme is becoming very smutty. Terry Wogan is turning into a dirty old man. It’s time he was taken off air.”
RADIO - GENERAL
“I believe that the BBC is responsible for the increasing gap between the rich and the poor in this country because it pays its presenters too much.”
BBC LONDON 94.9
BBC1 - NEWS AT 10
Re. Ethiopian crisis: “I found the pictures depicting starving children deeply distressing and totally unnecessary.”
What sort of cunt, when faced with a choice beteen “worrying about it” and “ignoring it”, chooses “trying to get someone else to ignore it for them”?
BBC1 - BREAKFAST NEWS
“It was a disgrace that the presenters did not wear black armbands when discussing the deaths of the troops in Afghanistan.”
Perhaps the presenters were Welsh and the troops who died were English so they didn’t feel they deserved special treatment over all the other thousands of people who died that day? Or maybe the presenters were from Cheltenham but the troops were from Gloucester? There’ll be a very good reason, anyway.
NEWS - GENERAL
“I am sick of the BBC reporting on famine and poverty in third world countries.”“There is far too much on the news about issues in countries that have very little relevance to people in the UK, such as Ethiopia and India. Viewers want to hear about news that affects us directly.”
Here’s some: Everyone you know secretly wants you to fuck off. Even your mum.
BBC YOUNG MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR
Felt that there was insufficient time given to the performances. “I was crying at the end of the final as I was so disappointed.”
DOCTOR WHO
“I would like a story to be created about Easter eggs being eaten and force fields being created.”
Someone deserves a medal for keeping a straight face here. I’m not sure whether it’s the caller or the person who logged it.
EASTENDERS
Felt that scenes of a violent nature were inappropriate. “There was a scene with a knife which was very disturbing. One character was stabbing a tub of butter. This was very insensitive.”
We need positive butter role-models for our kids. People who spread the stuff using sponges and teatowels maybe.
WEATHER
Annoyed that metric measurements are used rather than Imperial. “People do not understand when the BBC uses metric measurements, so why does it continue to be used? If the temperature is said to be 27, what is that?”
You’ll be pleased to know that the embolism that’ll finish you off is inching its way along an artery RIGHT NOW. Good old inches.
16 Responses to “Crying”
I saw Ainsley Harriot batter a fish once. It was extremely disturbing.
Maybe thats what the surprise would be inside a giant kinder egg, though seeing as kinder eggs are german it’d probably only work against jews, bummers and gypsys, not much use against russian conscripts or pauline quirke in a latex mask.
Oh, the tabbing has been fixed. Super.
Perhaps the BBC can run a programme focusing on weights, measures and temperature - called “The Bad Old Days” - they can interview and gain opinion from the naysayers who write into them about metric.
They can sit these people down and make them do maths in base 12, and then base 10 and see which they prefer. Then after the airing of the show the BBC can make an announcement.
“Please stop wasting license fee payers money by making us handle your stupid, irrelevant fucking complaints - you cunts”
Preferably this statement read out by some poofter type furriner in a pakamac (sic).
I’d watch it
Has it? I didn’t do anything. What was the actual problem? Was it in “Beardy Browser”? Or “Corporate Arsekisser Browser”? Or in “The Rubbish Default Browser That Came With My Digital Handbag-pro. I’m An Artist You Know”.
Despite the hyperbole, that person complaining about Young Musician of the Year has a point. It used to be an actual music show which broadcast full performances by the contestants, now they only do excerpts and fill the space up with the usual human interest bollocks about how the contestant triumphed over their puppy dying when they were seven.
I would like to complain about the programme I have just watched on ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com. Some of the boxes were in a shade of grey that is like the other boxes on my set so I get confused about which ones to jab at with my clicker in my increasingly desperate search for animal porn.
PS its a digital Gucci suitcase with several gigabytes of something and it quietly whispers “give Steve Jobs all your money, you ponce”. Tabbing works fine now thanks.
On the tabbing front - its not fixed. When you have two threads with comments boxes open and use the tab key it tabs to the first line in the next box and not to the next line in the current box (does that make sense).
Its only annoying because it reminds us of how stupid we are.
I don’t understand. Why do you even need to use tab? What’s wrong with
just using the space bar or
pressing en
ter?
::seconds Phil::
I don’t know anyone who actually cried, but plenty who were disappointed.
::wonders if firefox is ‘beardy’ or ‘corporate arsekisser’, these days::
People don’t understand when the temperature is said to be twenty-seven?
No, I bet it’s just that one commenter. Hopefully s/he will dress for sub-zero temperatures while the rest of us are in shorts and T-shirts, and collapse from overheating, shaking an angry fist at the sky and muttering “bloody BBC and their facsist-EU metric measurements!”
1) I understand when the BBC uses Metric, because I’m not an imbecile.
2a) If you can’t tell the difference between 27C and 27F then you’re an eediot of the highest levels.
2b) If you can’t tell the difference between either of those and 27K you’re probably dead.
@Cat
Beat me to it. Damn.
I predict his widow will be making a complaint to the local NHS trust that the doctor described his cause of death as Cardiac Arrest rather than a Proper British Heart Attack.
Goddamn it, making us slightly aware of the famine and deprevation in other countries - evil BBC! We want lovely news of our boys shootin’ the buggers, or at least something about the famine and deprevation being the bloody fault of the Third World! It’s nothing to do with us!
Etc. etc., ad nauseum.
This kind of reminds me of a tax bore who criticised an anti-arms demo in Brighton that ended with a minor skirmish with police. Upon hearing that the arms company owners were unconcerned that their weapons were being used in an illegal war and were killing civilians, she said “I’d have more respect for the protestors if they campaigned on something important, like the high rates of council tax”.
== sigh ==
“I’d have more respect for the protesters if they campaigned on something important, like the high rates of council tax”
The human race is doomed.