Retired Colonels17 Jul 2008 01:20 pm

Squeaky Pips

By Nelson

RADIO 4 - TODAY PROGRAMME
“Today the ‘pips’ were used at an irregular time. I think that the programme should not use the news pips at any other time except the start of the hour. I left early because of this.”

You could always have an extra kip at the office? Get someone to pop a cover over your cage.

BBC1 NEWS AT 1300
“I felt the female presenter’s appearance today was inappropriate for a BBC news programme, particularly her eyebrows.”

Shaved into the shape of a dog bumming a swan, I expect.

BLUE PETER
“I objected to the feature on belly dancers. It was almost nudity.”

Got a lob on in front of the kids again eh?

30 Responses to “Squeaky Pips”

  1. on 17 Jul 2008 at 1:34 pm   zymeck

    The Pips played at an irregular time? Someone better tell Gladys Knight!

  2. on 17 Jul 2008 at 1:51 pm   Ben

    I object to anyone ever doing any sport on television. Particularly swimming. It’s almost nudity.

  3. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:09 pm   Mike

    I always object to almost nudity. And soft porn.

    We need more full nudity and hardcore sex on TV.

  4. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:15 pm   Oliver

    Could have been worse, they might have nearly called them lesbians as well.

    Then where would we be eh? eh?

  5. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:19 pm   The Go-nutteer

    If there’s one thing our children must be shielded from at all costs, it’s the human body.

    Nudity is evil.

  6. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:20 pm   Helen

    We’re seeing a new breed of poster all together -complaining about things that didn’t actually happen….could it be the end for the ultimate HYS phrase “FACT”?

    Now what to call the breed…

  7. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:30 pm   DisgustedOfTunbridgeWells

    Is there anything more delightful than the term ‘lob on’ ?

    I submit there is not.

  8. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:39 pm   Throbbe

    “The Pips played at an irregular time? Someone better tell Gladys Knight!”

    I would, only she’s left (Oooooh, she’s left) already.

  9. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:46 pm   Rebel

    Lob on, whilst joyous in it’s simplicity does pale (nay, wilt) when presented with the poetry that is “stiffy”.

    Call me old fashioned, but when I were a lass that was the preferred term of der kool kids!

  10. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:51 pm   Sam

    I have to confess to being a fan of the word “boner”.

    And if you want to get all clinical, then you can’t beat the simple “erection”.

  11. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:56 pm   Evil Ted

    I’ve got a full on robot chubby.

  12. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:56 pm   Stuart

    I might be wrong, but I think Nelson has been posting from the BBC complaints log again. If you’re looking for a breed its people too thick to even use the internet.

    Bearing in mind their love for the ‘British’ Farenheit scale, perhaps they could congregate in Werthers Original Imperialists.

  13. on 17 Jul 2008 at 2:57 pm   Rebel

    Or the one my mate likes when with a new girlfriend, “oh look it’s waking up!”.

    Silver tongued charmer!

  14. on 17 Jul 2008 at 3:29 pm   Rotwatcher

    It’s a “baby’s arm” when I have one.

  15. on 17 Jul 2008 at 3:32 pm   Ben

    I’ve always been a fan of “engorged/tumescent member”. But I’m quite pretentious.

  16. on 17 Jul 2008 at 3:45 pm   Pedant

    “Enraged manhood”

  17. on 17 Jul 2008 at 3:57 pm   Mike

    “And if you want to get all clinical, then you can’t beat the simple “erection”.”

    I beg to differ. I regularly beat the simple erection.

  18. on 17 Jul 2008 at 4:01 pm   Stalin

    ‘Wood’ does it for me very time oh god i’ve stained the keyboard imagining Martha Kearns Bellydancing

  19. on 17 Jul 2008 at 4:04 pm   Say What You Mean, And Say It Mean

    “I think that the programme should not use the news pips at any other time except the start of the hour. I left early because of this.”

    Still trying to work out if this is the work of a satirist or a simpleton.

    How can I tell?

  20. on 17 Jul 2008 at 4:54 pm   DisgustedOfTunbridgeWells

    Lob on, whilst joyous in it’s simplicity does pale (nay, wilt) when presented with the poetry that is “stiffy”.

    That’s true, it’s of the “milk, milk, lemonade, round the back chocolate’s made” school of juvenile goodness.

    nb - anyone who thinks fudge is made round the back is a marmoset’s axe wound.

  21. on 17 Jul 2008 at 5:17 pm   arsebanana

    lumpy trousers

  22. on 17 Jul 2008 at 5:22 pm   Dweggers

    My favoutite term has to be ‘bonk on’. My dad still uses it. The term that is. Not his actual bonk on. Not on me anyway. That I know of.

  23. on 17 Jul 2008 at 5:40 pm   Niffer

    Tent pole

  24. on 17 Jul 2008 at 7:05 pm   domino

    my favourite word for a semi is ‘bongle’

    That’s true, it’s of the “milk, milk, lemonade, round the back chocolate’s made” school of juvenile goodness.

    nb - anyone who thinks fudge is made round the back is a marmoset’s axe wound.

    I used to say “round the back, chocolate cake” Fudge though? That’s all sorts of wrongue.

  25. on 17 Jul 2008 at 10:36 pm   Jordan

    On the subject of animals bumming other animals…
    Today, at the pet shop I’m doing work experience at, a male rabbit was BUMMED TO DEATH by a female rabbit. I would have felt guilty if it wasn’t for the fact that a rabbit had been given a FATAL BUMMING!

  26. on 17 Jul 2008 at 10:37 pm   Jordan

    After reading what I just posted, I meant to write guilty for laughing, not for the MURDEROUS RABBIT-RAPE!

  27. on 17 Jul 2008 at 10:47 pm   773 (metric)

    Rabbits have strap-ons these days, do they? You couldn’t make it up!

  28. on 18 Jul 2008 at 7:55 am   skunkpussy

    Rabbits have strap-ons these days, do they? You couldn’t make it up!

    Or did it construct its own one, using only a carrot and some straw? Like a member of some kind of leporidaen sex criminal A-Team?

  29. on 18 Jul 2008 at 9:17 am   Petpete

    My erection= One inch of hatred

  30. on 19 Jul 2008 at 2:46 am   Dingleberry

    Like a member of some kind of leporidaen sex criminal A-Team?

    I love it when a plan cums together