We have been blessed with more complaints.
BBC NEWS AT SIX
“I would like the programme to investigate why airports charge £1 for luggage trolleys.”
I’ll make sure they do that, yes. It’ll be on in between the news about the country being fucked and the news about the whole planet being fucked.
GENERAL RADIO
“I feel that Radio 4 does not cater for everyone.”
Apart from that wonderful 45 minutes, once a week, where the entire nation forgets its differences and joins together in front of the radio, screaming “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! NOT THE MORAL MAZE AGAIN! “.
BBC NEWS CHANNEL
“The news being presented is rubbish. It is the same thing every day.”
If you learn to play the piano and then win the heart of Andie MacDowell, perhaps you can break the cycle.
ROYAL ASCOT
Felt that there was too much coverage of this year’s fashion. “I don’t think the fashion should be covered at all as this will mislead the general public into thinking that the credit crunch isn’t as bad as it is.”
They really should concentrate on the important stuff. Like the bit where you get to see your favourite horse.
PRESENTATION AND TRAILS
“I felt that the trail before BBC NEWS AT TEN was very irresponsible because it showed someone having their drink spiked. People may see this and want to do it.”
I certainly did but I sat at the bar, alone, for four whole hours and nobody put so much as a diazepam in there.
RADIO 2 - JULIAN WORRICKER
“I am very annoyed that the weather presenter reads out temperatures in Centigrade rather than Fahrenheit. Centigrade is not an imperial measure and therefore should not be used.”
Still with us eh?
27 Responses to “Catering”
If we replaced the entirety of Radio 2’s output with lullabies, do you think we could sleep them into starvation?
Bet Julian’s globe’s still got St. George’s red splashed all over it, bless him.
These fahrenheit callers make me feel like turning into a HYSer myself … start breathing fire and telling them to fuck off to the 19th century when fahrenheit was considered modern …
Not a healthy feeling I know, but when was the last time imperial was ever considered scientific? (Outside of America, I mean. You know, the real world.)
I love that someone is worried that covering fashion might encourage unwise spending, and yet sees no issue with covering the main event dedicated to gambling.
And fear not Nelson, every time Julian and others of that ilk send letters demanding the return to Fahrenheit they fritter away a little more of their time without causing any real harm.
I’m pretty sure the Radio 4 complaint had nothing to do with suiting everyone and everything to do with suiting the moaning Macaque’s muff who wrote it.
Well, it’s not really scientific, but then none of it is. It’s all just a human construct, with nicely rounded numbers based on what Napoleon thought rather than something sort of hacked together just because it… just was.
But then, this website is also a human construct, as is the BBC, and everything it produces (except St. David Attenborough), so I feel more than happy when I say, “every single person who complains to the BBC about the BBC is an utter cunt. Every one. Go shit in your mouths, dick faces.”
I’m VERY ashamed to say that I once rang a radio phone-in on ‘metric martyrs’ to complain about Europe forcing us to use their forrun Gregorian calendar.
I don’t think anyone got the joke.
I thought showing the news itself was pretty irresponsible. It encouraged me to sit at a desk and read an autocue for the rest of the week.
Which wasted a lot of valuable Brown-bashing time.
“The news being presented is rubbish. It is the same thing every day.”
That might just have something to do with the fact that the same stuff happens everyday: KNIFECRIME! PAEDOS! WAR! FAMINE! TERROR! POLITICS! THE WEATHER!
Maybe the newscasters should start making stuff up just to add a bit of variety?
“And Diana the People’s Princess returned from the dead today to thwart a diabolical plot by Lex Luthor to transform the world’s cocoa reserves into a giant chocolate cock ring. Meanwhile the Pope tried drinking coke with a mouthful of pop rocks and his head exploded out of his arse.”
You’ve forgotten the universal switch-off that is ‘Quote, Unquote’…
So as the camera pans round and the commentatator says
“oh look two loveley ladies wearing big hats…”
they should add
“which they won’t be able to afford when we reach financial meltdown and the world descends into anartchy they’ll be lucky to have rags to wear and milk to feed their starving babies”
I think this would represent a valid compromise
Which I think is a perfectly valid crisitism.
What about Any Questions/Answers where a bunch of self important cocksuckers blather on in response to fawning questions from sub-HYS protoplasm, followed by a whole program of incomprehensible verbal syphilis from cunts who pathologically confuse random electro-chemical processes in the upper nervous system with opinions? Doesn’t that justify the license fee on its own? Eh? Doesn’t it???!?
Maybe they will be able to afford the hats, because they didn’t borrow thousands of pounds of someone else’s money to pay for them.
Interest rates can go up as well as down. Just a thought.
Radio 4 Programmes everyone hates:
You and Yours. Especially the phone-in editions, which rival Any Answers for “incomprehensible verbal syphilis” spewed by rat’s knobs.
Veg Talk and Go ‘4′ it (haw haw! see what they did there!!!
:D!!) are hideous abberations from presenters who sound as if they were pumped with cocaine before recording to achieve that ‘breathless condescending enthusiasm’ voice.
Am I the only person who utterly hates the facile content void of placatory bullshit that is Thought for the Day?
Personally I’m quite relieved that Radio 4 doesn’t cater for everyone. The food bill would put a hefty dent in their funding…
But in all seriousness, we have enough desperate TV stations trying to eke out an existence by grapsing at the lowest common denominator. Radio 4 doesn’t get it right every time but it’s the most intelligent thing out there in media land. Maybe that’s what the caller doesn’t like about it.
No your not, Kelvin. I’ve crashed the car fumbling for the “off” button before now.
Yeah, there’s plenty on R4 that makes my heart sink. Like the dreaded words “Afternoon Play” or “Poetry Please” which threaten to bore me until I actually melt. Then there’s the phrases “Question Time” or “Any Answers” that make me want to destroy my radio with a lump hammer. But there’s only really “The Moral Maze” that makes me despair for humanity itself. There’s actually somebody out there, well-educated, literate, etc, who believes that Claire Fox, Melanie Phillips, Michael Portillo and Some Other Cunt are worth listening to. They’re fucking idiots. The denizens of HYS are more coherent, compassionate and humble, and less arrogant, irritating and generally fucking stupid.
If you want an example of exactly how stupid “clever” people can be though, it’s unrivalled. Just don’t tune in for longer than 5 minutes or you’ll end up trying to burst your eardrums with an icepick.
Farming Today: A big bunch of horse’s cock.
That is all.
Haven’t quite done that, but have almost done so pounding on the dashboard shouting “No! You pointless badger twat!” and similar.
Maybe I should write to HYS…….
I *like* ‘Veg Talk’. Mind you, I suspect that the HYSers do as well; they probably think it’s about them, the turnip’s twats.
(Inaugural Vegetable Fanny Monday)
It may just be when I get up but isn’t woman’s hour the most pathetic excuse for radio ever.
Mind you, I did hear someone on it arguing that maternity leave was a bad thing because a) Women expect to be promoted during it and b) someone on the times online said he had had his entire training budget on women that had gone off to have babies and not returned.
This was the funniest thing I have heard outside of an actual comedy program and this site for years.
@Swanno and John:
Was Julian Worricker complaining about himself then? Is he really so full of self-loathing?
“Oh no, I’ve done it again! I’m so sorry, beloved Fahrenheit. The sluttish Centigrade scale seduced me again, with its petite figures and those coarse gradations. I feel so dirty.”
“Maybe I should write to HYS…….”
Just join the NSS, who can get annoyed with TFTD on your behalf so you don’t have to.
You could make it yourself. Have you got a tape recorder? You could just record yourself saying “so people bring the trolleys back” and then play some nice music. If you haven’t got a tape recorder, you could just phone up everyone in Britain in turn and broadcast it to them personally.
That’s what I did with my investigation of why supermarket tills have locks on them.
I can mostly put up with it but the real downers are when you hear Jenni Murray say something like: “Of course, many of us are familiar with the work of Charles Darwin and his theory which shook the world but not many people realise that he also had a housekeeper who was fucking dull and really not worth remembering. However, because she was a woman and this is Woman’s Hour, we’re now going to talk about her amazingly uninteresting life for 15 interminable, depressing minutes”.
In fact, while I’m getting annoyed, I think Woman’s Hour might actually be an evil creation of the patriarchal BBC, designed to make women feel shit and worthless every morning. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally it’s interesting, but apart from that the implication seems to be that “women will put up with listening to any old boring crap as long as we mention wombs occasionally”.
And don’t get me started on their whole “And today we’re talking about babies with cancer / miscarriages / women who died / death / dead babies / women whose husbands gave their babies cancer / women whos wombs tried to kill them / women with cancer / CANCER / BABIES / DEATH / MISERY / FANNIES / FANNY CANCER / CANCER FANNY / BABY CANCER FANNY BABY WOMB CANCER CANCER BABY DEATH BABY CANCER FANNY” thing.
Or maybe it’s just that I only ever listen to it when I’ve had to get up early and then spend 3 hours on the M25 or something.
BBC NEWS AT SIX
“I would like the programme to investigate why airports charge £1 for luggage trolleys.”
So this person hasn’t figured out that you get the £1 back when you return the trolley.
Also, I think the Archers has to be the worst R4 programme. I’ve swerved across all three lanes of a motorway to avoid listening to that one.