Permanently Bewildered23 Jul 2008 10:15 am

A Bit Pete Tong

By Nelson

“Is there life on Mars?”

I wish, they would speed up with their technics. then build a noahs ark and get ready for the earth evacuation. This planet is dieing.
And please no polititians and religious stuff comes on board.
we all would have a new beginning.
This all will happen, sadly to say, not in my life-time.
Rosie, Kirkcaldy

Maybe you could get frozen in a block of carbonite until the ark is ready.

19 Responses to “A Bit Pete Tong”

  1. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:20 am   Pedro Pollo

    “Speed up with their technics”? How about 78RPM. That’s pretty fast.

  2. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:26 am   jpr

    “I wish, they would speed up with their technics.”

    We’re going to evacuate the Earth in a vessel made out of Lego?

  3. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:27 am   Rebel

    “We’re going to evacuate the Earth in a vessel made out of Lego?”

    It’s as good a plan as any!

  4. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:30 am   Mooska

    Dear God im going to biuld an Ark to save us from your rath but im baning religon if thats alrite with u. Kthxbai, Noah.

  5. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:36 am   skunkpussy

    I suggest we ‘evacuate’ the HYS’ers and Daily Mail readers first.

    You know, Golgafrinchan B-ark style.

  6. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:41 am   Scaryduck

    I read a book about this once. As far as I can make out, anyone taking part in this scheme will be stuck on a spaceship with Ben Elton, forever.

    Fuck that.

  7. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:47 am   Dr Shade

    So no-one’s told Rosie that when the space-ark IS finally ready for take off all prospective passengers will have to pass a basic spelling test?

    After all the last thing we want is to rebuild civilisation on another planet with a bunch of illiterate HYSers…!

  8. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:54 am   Felna

    If they got rid of politicians and religious stuff, what would the HYSers have to talk about? – they might actually have to get on with their lives, now that would be scary!!

  9. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:57 am   Mr Cat

    This all will happen, sadly to say, not in my life-time.

    Tell us more of our future O great and wise one. Will there be sheep men in the future too?

  10. on 23 Jul 2008 at 10:58 am   Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

    You know, if you close your front door and draw the curtains, then you can’t see or hear any politicians or religion.

    Go on, Rosie, do it. Please.

  11. on 23 Jul 2008 at 11:03 am   Throbbe

    Meh, beaten to it by skunk pussy.

    The Enormous Mutant Star Goat is coming!!1one!!!

  12. on 23 Jul 2008 at 11:47 am   alanthehat

    I think they should name the Ark:
    ‘The Gibbering Bigot’
    Several million cretins hurtling through the void at unimaginable speeds in their quest to avoid furriners, gays and peedos. Wow.

  13. on 23 Jul 2008 at 11:51 am   Dr Shade

    “I think they should name the Ark: ‘The Gibbering Bigot’

    Several million cretins hurtling through the void at unimaginable speeds in their quest to avoid furriners, gays and peedos. Wow.”

    That’s quite possibly the best idea I’ve ever heard for a tv series in my life!

    It would knock the nadgers of “Bonekickers” anyway…

  14. on 23 Jul 2008 at 12:02 pm   alanthehat

    “That’s quite possibly the best idea I’ve ever heard for a tv series in my life!

    It would knock the nadgers of “Bonekickers” anyway…”

    Just to piss them off further, I would insist that the interstellar star drive reactor core be programmed to make the exact sound of the call to prayer from the Finsbury Park mosque. And the ships computer to be voiced by Polly Toynbee.

  15. on 23 Jul 2008 at 1:49 pm   bigruss

    space paedos.

  16. on 23 Jul 2008 at 2:47 pm   tiny clanger

    “Just to piss them off further, I would insist that the interstellar star drive reactor core be programmed to make the exact sound of the call to prayer from the Finsbury Park mosque. And the ships computer to be voiced by Polly Toynbee.”

    Do this and I would never be unhappy again.

    Every time some thing bad happened, I would think of the dribbling HYS pond scum frantically jabbing at the ‘The Gibbering Bigot’scontrols (preferably labeled in Arabic, Chinese or Esperanto) as they try to silence ‘that ‘oribble mucky noise’.

    And I would smile in pure, blissful contentment.

  17. on 23 Jul 2008 at 4:17 pm   Mr Blackett

    Stupid bint. Everyone knows Martians prefer Numarks.

  18. on 23 Jul 2008 at 5:50 pm   Ding Dong

    Fuckin Golgafrinchans! Comin here, taking the indiginous cavemen’s jobs. Usurping our rightful ancestors. Being our ancestors. Giving us everything we are. Bastards.

    What have the Golgafrinchans ever done for us?

  19. on 23 Jul 2008 at 11:52 pm   7rew

    What have the Golgafrinchans ever done for us?

    …

    Well apart from the hair-dressing, the commitee structure, the deforestation (to combat hyperinflation), war, the pre-emptive strike, bagpipe music, marketting, television documentaries and clean telephones. What have the Golgafrinchans ever done for us?

    (anyone that adds an inate inability to do mental arthmetic is getting a punch.)