It works so well, I have to keep starting again
By KelvinAnyone else here a fan of the brilliant Ben Goldacre? I bet this unfortunate brain-damaged woman wishes she was now. But not to fear, some people who started out brain damaged are here to challenge the notion of evidence as we know it.
Yes I detoxed about 5 yrs ago. The side effects were not good. Dizziness, headaches, blurred vision, feeling faint and weak. I had three 4 day sessions every 10 days. I lost a dress size and felt wonderful afterwards. But it is short lived and not worth the expense. Better off re-assessing your lifestyle!!
Kim, Lichfield, Staffordshire
So it’s terrible but great but terrible. Got it.
The detox industry is entirely unregulated. A lot of detoxes don’t work at all. But some certainly do. Like thousands of others I went (abroad) to a spa offering a detox regime of a week of fasting, daily colemas and at the end of the fasting a diet high on fruits and raw vegetables. It did all and more than I hoped – not only did it make me feel better than I had for years, it also broke my previously bad food addictions – tea, coffee, cola. I’ve gone back now 7 times in 5 years. If it hadn’t been very good for me I certainly wouldn’t have gone back again and again.
Bob, London UK
So you have to go abroad in order not to eat junk food? God, the planet really is fucked, isn’t it.
And yes, I looked up colema, and yes, it is just a fancy word for an enema. I don’t know about you but to my mind “a condition requiring your barking spider to be violated by a rubber hose for a week” is pretty much the exact opposite of “good health.” Doing it voluntarily for fun, now that’s fine.
I have recently returned from Thailand having done a 9 day detox diet. It was properly overseen. There was no suggestion of drinking VAST amounts of fluid. There were lots of fruit and vegetable dishes and protein drinks. Yes, it was a little rough for the first few days with headaches etc. But I felt indescribably fantastic and so much better. I lost just over half a stone – which I have kept off. My skin improved and has only now started worsening with the introduction of small amounts of sugar in my diet! At the end of the day, FAD diets don’t work. They are, in my view, dangerous and don’t teach the person to eat a proper, reasonable, balanced diet.
Sally Jenkins, Bedale, North Yorkshire
Yeah, they come off them and start eating sugar and their skin goes all wonky again. And again with flying halfway around the world to eat fruit. Or are you just too embarassed to admit you like a bit of rubber hose backdoor action in the UK?
I started a Lipotrim diet in 1997. It consisted of 3 sachets of ‘food’ mixed with water per day and plenty of water. The weight loss was amazing. The diet was given to me by private prescription and I was weighed and monitored each week. Within a few days I became constipated and was advised to drink more water. At the end of three weeks I was drinking apporx 3L of water per day. I then had an epilectic fit. The following month (by now I was on 5L of water per day and still constipated) I had a series of about 8 fits over 24 hours and was taken into hospital. I lost my memory, was unable to drive for 18 months, had difficulty in making decisions, panic attacks an inability to do everyday things like shopping, washing and looking after my two young children.
Pauline Major, Looe, UK
This is a very sad story, but did it not occur to you to maybe give the diet a break after it broke your fucking brain? Gosh, this “hitting my hand with a mallet” diet seems to be causing a large amount of tears to flow from my eyes. Shall I stop, or shall I start hitting my hand 66% faster? I mean, I need the hand and all, but this blood just goes so well with this outfit!
26 Responses to “It works so well, I have to keep starting again”
I read the story, and my first thought was that the headline should have changed to “Stupid person is stupid”. Who would ever think that drinking 5L of water and not eating would be healthy? Moron.
“I had three 4 day sessions every 10 days”
Eh?
You did three lots of 4-day sessions every 10 days?
You detoxed 12 days out of every 10 days?
Fond memories return of a group of dafties at my last place of work that cajoled each other into doing a joint detox week. One of the gang of about 3-4 women would march roughly every 30 minutes down the the watercooler with a tray and dish out endless cups of water out to the others with much barracking of anyone that didn’t join in as a bunch of self-body-haters or somesuch.
There was at the end of the week a large recall of many waterbottles for “faecal contamination”. God, it still makes me snigger uncontrollably at the thought of all their faces when they were told.
So C4RO, how exactly did you manage to curl one out into each bottle without anyone noticing?
Can I repeat my comments about fuckwits who go on detox diets made under the ‘Amazing’ title below? Hmm no-one is stopping me. LISTEN UP PEEPLE! You have two fucking kidneys and a liver, you piss and you shit,if you like a high colonic for fun just say so because everytime that pressured water is going up your bum it’s taking out all that lovely’good bacteria’ that would take about 15 gallons of fucking Actimel to replace you gullible asswipes with siblings for parents.
“I have recently returned from Thailand having done a 9 day detox diet… I felt indescribably fantastic and so much better.”
So 9 days off work, in the sun, in a beautiful country, and you felt better afterwards. I’ve heard of these things before… I think they’re called “holidays.”
Incidentally, I once went on a “holiday”. I spent 6 days in Amsterdam de-detoxing on bucketloads of beer, cocaine, junk food and beautiful women. I also felt indescribably fantastic for some reason.
Um, surely there are enough stupid people in the world out there that you guys don’t need to start recycling moronic comments? Come on now…
“Thanks to Jamie for pointing me at the comments for this article.
I have been on a detox diet and it was excellent. I’ve also drunk over 5 litres of water a day for a sustained period. But you are supposed to balance your water and salt intake as both are vital to health. Detox diets are powerful and need to be undertaken with care. But I don’t believe there is anything wrong with the idea that you should flush excess toxins from your system.
Robert, London
How could there be anything wrong with flushing toxins eh? They’re TOXINS. WAKE UP PEOPLE.”
Wow. I gotta get myself a job in one of these clinics. Imagine spending all day making these jizzwits ill while they pay you to do it.
Okay, I got it wrong. I’m an idiot and I should go to HYS instead and stop wasting your time…
It was Martin who posted the comment in response to nelson’s post. *Sigh*
“Martin
Another from the same thread:
“…it also broke my previously bad food addictions – tea, coffee, cola. I’ve gone back now 7 times in 5 years.”
That’s that addiction broken then.
“
Am I being weak here or are you being just a teeny bit harsh on the first entry? The occasional balanced opinion from a HYSer wouldn’t be too unwelcome, would it?
Anyway, moving on quickly, 9 days in Thailand, “properly overseen” and drinking “lots” of “protein drinks”? The prison regime sounds tough and all, but I can’t believe even Thailand only locks up a peado for just 9 days? It’s PC gone mad. FACT.
If the spam filter actually lets this through, ’cause it bloody hasn’t with anything else I’ve posted today…
No, it’s not harsh for the following reasons:
1. Author is retarded enough to NOT EAT FOR FOUR DAYS. THREE TIMES.
2. Author then praises the results before saying it’s not worth it.
3. Author is sufficiently thick to think that losing a dress size is a great thing without questioning whether the reason she was weak and had no stamina left was because she’d just taught her body to go into starvation mode and consume muscle mass in order to preserve its fat stocks.
4. I am a horrible, horrible person who disproportionately despises people who play at pretend science without understanding selection bias, the placebo effect or the second law of thermodynamics because they are huge discharge-dribbling donkey cunts who would as soon have us ruled by wizzards and living in mud as long as they were promised a half-inch reduction in waist size.
I imagine she spent 9 days in one of Bangkok’s seedier establishments, strapped into a gimp suit on the receiving side of a glory hole.
You can guess what the ‘protein drinks’ really were…
In Kim’s defence I do only hate her about 47% as much as I hate Bob. This might be because I am getting sentimental in my old age, or because Bob is a shining beacon of self-serving middle-class nutriwoo cuntishness who probably invites his friends around and forces them to study photos of the shit collection vessel from his beloved colemas. Assuming he doesn’t just hand around the vessel itself.
Yeah, I tried that Spam Filter diet myself once Kelvin – couldn’t eat spam for weeks, but I lost 12 stone and had homicidal fantasies for weeks afterwards. Was a laugh.
Your points 1, 2 & 3: silly.
Point 4: yeah, go on then, I forgive you.
@ skunkpussy: thank you for explaining my joke. Would you be free at weekends to follow me round and explain them in person too? I’ll let you know as soon as I’m invited to another social gathering. Don’t hold your breath.
Hardly got any friends then? Shame.
Ha ha! That’s it, I keep cracking them, you keep explaining them.
This could be the start of a beautiful relationship…
Incidentally, have people here heard of Jasmuheen? She’s an example of a genuinely deadly – 3 so far – nutritonal bullshit peddlar. And a prime example of why I hate these people so much.
I can’t believe nobody’s picked up on the childishly hilarious fact that Pauline Major has been detoxing, and lives in Looe!
Well it amused me for a couple of seconds…
No, you’ve got me with this one.
Hint?
@themagicmonkey
I live in Looe. Between the populace and the tourists, I’m surprised anyone noticed that the poor bitch had brain-damage.
I’m considering marketing a new diet where we eat HYSers. A national detox.
That last one made me cry with laughter.
I love detoxing, its grate exccept nmew Lam,bour are tying to keepe uys in the darke with their mind-nubming braing control drugs.
I don’t find the last comment funny, nor is the person to blame.
Remember the quack who injured her was probably licensed by the government to perform that treatment and likely had advanced educational training in ‘detoxing’ and other bollocks. See Ben Goldacre’s page about this.
It shows how so-called ‘alternative’ (that is, non-scientific) medicine has taken such an insidious hold on us. Even in the face of these stories people are still talking about how to regulate ‘detoxing’ better (as though it were a real thing), when they should be exposing it as equivalent to blood-letting or driving out demons.
I’m completely in agreement with Ben Goldacre on this, actually. There shouldn’t be an agency which is allowed to regulate what is effectively witchcraft. Witch doctors shouldn’t be allowed to point to any variety of “qualification” to legitimise their bullshit. And people shouldn’t be stupid enough to believe their crap just because it sounds like science.
But equally, there shouldn’t be knee-jerk reactions to immigration at all levels of government. The Daily Mail shouldn’t be allowed to pick and choose (or frequently, make up) evidence to legitimise the racial panic it induces in middle England. And people shouldn’t be stupid enough to believe their crap just because it sounds like news.
When someone with total faith in The Daily Mail – say Topsy Turvy – clings to their line even to their own detriment, they’re perfectly valid targets. As I said, it’s probably more sad that in Pauline Major’s case it led to physical harm rather than social or cultural isolation, but that doesn’t mean she’s some kind of shining angel for following someone else’s bullshit.
In answer to your opening line, Kelvin, Ben Goldacre along with Marcus Brigstocke, are my heros. Maybe give them guest editorships one day?
In a study published recently, scientists concluded that eating doorknobs every Tuesday caused brain damage in a high percentage of HYS posters.