More complaints. Thanks!
RADIO 4 BULLETINS
“I feel that there is a great deal of censorship on the Radio 4 news bulletins. One particular example is the reports of the children who were stabbed in Surrey allegedly by their mother. An important detail that was left out was that the parents are Sri Lankan immigrants I believe. It is my opinion that the BBC is no longer impartial for this specific reason.”
Sri Lankan eh? All makes sense now.
BBC NEWS AT 10
“I was disgusted to see that the report on the British soldiers injured on active service in Afghanistan was carried out by a female journalist. The Army is primarily a place for men so why does the BBC not use a male correspondent to report on this, perhaps even an ex-serviceman? You are obsessed with thrusting women into the limelight.”
Sorry, I see the word “thrusting” and the word “women” in such close proximity and the weight of millions of years of evolution hits me. You could be bleating on about curtains for all I care. Right now, I’m way down in the bits of brainstem we share with gerbils and geckos.
BREAKFAST (TV)
Annoyed that Susanna Reid wears red nail varnish on the programme. “When I receive my news I do not want a woman flashing her nails at me. I find this very off-putting and it is very unprofessional.”
Another stiffy in front of the kids? Must be starting to get embarrassing.
“The report about the RSPCA’s campaign to stop children in schools being able to have pets was backed by both your presenters. Everyone knows that the RSPCA is aligned to the Labour Party, and its ideas seem to be wholly supported by the BBC without question.”
I’ve heard that it was the RSPCA who brought down Building 7. They used Very Bad Dogs.
POINTS OF VIEW
“I am appalled and disgusted with the standard of dress in the BBC. Jeremy Vine is not even wearing a tie. I would never dream of going to work without a tie on. I find this quite offensive.”
They’ll never take you seriously if you just phone up and splutter angrily. You’re going to have to shit in an envelope and post it them.
SONGS OF PRAISE
“I was furious that I had to wait three minutes before there was any hymn singing.”
It’s just not the same when you accidentally blow your beans before they get to the big “Amen” is it?
WEATHER – GENERAL
Annoyed that metric measurements are used rather than Imperial. “I do not understand why everyone has gone Metric. This is not a metric country.”
Don’t worry Colonel. It’s all just a silly misunderstanding where everyone else started using new units and you stopped being useful for anything.
36 Responses to “Thrusting”
Quite right. I want her flashing her tits at me. Fuck. Sorry – that’s it now. Back in five.
““I was disgusted to see that the report on the British soldiers injured on active service in Afghanistan was carried out by a female journalist. The Army is primarily a place for men so why does the BBC not use a male correspondent to report on this, perhaps even an ex-serviceman? You are obsessed with thrusting women into the limelight.””
This is insane. PC gone horribly wrong. I’m as mad when I see male chefs or nurses, that’s female proffesions! One or two TVs has gone out through the window, while I by mistake switched channels to Dr Quinn!
“Blow your beans”.
Right that’s it – search for the best euphemism is over, this cannot be topped…
(Puts on Comedy Esther Rantzen outfit and teeth…..)
…. unless of course, YOU know different!
It must be terrible for the women who listened at school, got great grades, went to Oxford (or similar), got into journalism, worked their way up through shitty local radio jobs only to hit the big time at the BBC, expecting to be sat on a nice comfy chair in a warm studio flirting with the weatherman.
Instead they are handed a blood stained flack jacket and put on a transport plane to Basra without so much as a nail file. Orla Guerin would be a complete babe if she only came home for a bath and a makeover occasionally.
The poor loves – It’s like modern day slavery being a TV news woman. You couldn’t make it up.
I like bashing the bishop. I like the phrase too.
Burping the worm.
What would Jesus do? He’d probably tell you to sing your own fucking hyms or shut the hell up.
(Corinthians 2: 34)
“I do not understand why everyone has gone Metric. This is not a metric country.”
I beg to differ. The last time I looked, the UK mainland was exactly 1000km from top to bottom with a total area of exactly 100,000km2.
Continued “…and I don’t understand why everyone is using electric toasters and double glazing. Phones without wires? Well I never. Bring back conscription. Hanging’s too good for ‘em! What am I on about again? Is this the doctors’?”
Haha! i work on Songs of Praise and shall have to pass that nugget of feedback onto my producer.
3 minutes without hymns eh, he should attend a taping, where there’s 4 hours of singing the same 3 songs over and over and over and over.
He’d drain himself dry.
It’s not very Christian to ring up and complain furiously, is it?
imperial measurements are about as much use as anne frank’s drum kit these days.
The degrees-Fahrenheit thing is fantastic. I saw a segment of a BBC weather forecast from 1962 (a mere 46 ago – yesterday, really) and they’d already started using degrees C then. It’s fabulous that so many can hold such a bitter, resentful little grudge for so long.
It’s not very Christian to ring up and complain furiously, is it?
If ‘complain’ is a euphemism for ‘masturbate’, then it certainly is Christian. In a very real sense (Adopt Runcie-esque voice), If Jesus were alive today, he’d be on the blower to the BBC complaining. Whilst tugging his tassle like it was going to be banned tomorrow.
how the juddering shit can anyone muster ‘fury’ at a three minute lack of hymn singing?
Isn’t there a theme tune? Maybe he could make up some words and sing to that as a stop gap.
“Engaging in a bout of hand to gland combat” remains my favourite euphemism for wanking.
@ Don_Durito
I prefer “shaking hands with the unemployed” myself.
Literally as well as euphemistically.
Isn’t there a theme tune? Maybe he could make up some words and sing to that as a stop gap.
I reckon the HYS’er is a pretty piss-poor God-botherer. So he had to wait three minutes for a bloody hymm? Christians have been waiting nearly 2000 years for the sodding second coming. And that looks about as likely as Ian Huntley being made chief executive of the NSPCC. It’s one rule for deities and another for the BBC…. Typical PC nonsense. I just don’t want to know.
“It’s just not the same when you accidentally blow your beans before they get the to the big “Amen” is it?”
I actually find it’s a real rush to finish flossing the ham carrot* while Diane Louise Jordan is still on the screen. At least with Blue Peter I could take my time.
* I am indepbted to the Euphemism Generator at http://www.walkingdead.net/perl/euphemism for this gem.
Throbbe – awesome.
I just came up with “smurfing the chipmunk”, which is frankly the best description of anything, ever.
[titter]
I’m not sure which of these is my favourite. They are all just so good!
I think the nail varnish one just edges it – because you can sense that the complainent thinks she is flashing her nails at THEM and NO-ONE ELSE. Perhaps it was Barry George.
Punishing the lower marbles.
Which I suspect in the god botheres case is about right.
“I would never dream of going to work without a tie on”
The funny thing is, he’s a binman.
When people start ringing up to complain about Points of View, things really are looking grim. It’s a whole show dedicated to wankers like you who can’t keep your petty grievances to yourselves! What more could you want?
A tie-on what though?
Bib, apron, gimp-mask, cock?
He never does elaborate.Perhaps he’s a “special interest” film director?
I’m loving the euphemism generator
“denting the little goodness”
Where are these complaints on the BBC website? Or are they not public and these are an inside job?
Can’t seem to find any of these cretins or the racist, facist mouthspunk they produce.
In my book, you can’t beat “rubbing out some knuckle children”
I even have an actual book for it.
It smells funny.
Tastes even worse.
Nelson: “Don’t worry Colonel.”
He’s a general. It says in the title!
Misha: “When people start ringing up to complain about Points of View, things really are looking grim. It’s a whole show dedicated to wankers like you who can’t keep your petty grievances to yourselves! What more could you want?”
Presumably they want a programme for complaints about “Points Of View” to appear on. And then a programme to complain about *that* on, and then…
New favourite
Burping the Pope’s sly canoe
I don’t think Orla Guerin’s path to the top was quite as conventional as that, but you’ll have to Google her yourself as I don’t want to spread false rumours.
The theme used to be a really great piece of organ music by a chap called Robert Prizeman I think. But they employed some twat to “modernise” it and now it’s a fucking embarrassment. It even has a little snippet of electric guitar in there to show exactly how relevant it is to modern britain. I’m surprised they didn’t add a bit of “hiphop DJ scratching”. It’d really help get “the kids” into God.
They did something similar to the theme for University Challenge and rearranged it with some proper stick-up-the-arse string quartet thing. They got rid of the timpani bend ffs. It was ALL ABOUT THE TIMPANI BEND. People are idiots.
POINTS OF VIEW
“I am appalled and disgusted with the standard of dress in the BBC. Jeremy Vine is not even wearing a tie. I would never dream of going to work without a tie on. I find this quite offensive.”
The cunt wasn’t wearing a fucking tie!
Did he convert to islamism? For (FUCKS)
sake!
My PE teacher at school always swore by ‘taking Captain Picard to warp speed’….
I hope he’s now safely behind bars.
Nelson, That was to much like a HSY comment. I think this ‘job’ is getting to you. Please, for the sake of your health, do somthing about it, or befor you know it youll be posting on HYS about imugrnts and nuliebore.