Permanently Bewildered04 Aug 2008 01:53 pm
By Nelson
Thanks to Loz. “What is your favourite joke?”
I cannot tell you, since it is Politically-incorrect, so what’s the point in asking the question? Since my perception as to “What makes a Good Joke?” died, along with Bernard Manning, and ‘Other Politically Incorrect’ Comedians and their comedy material, so why bother asking the question in the first place?
David Mulvey, DERBYS, United Kingdom
Beats me. They might as well have asked you to describe Africa without using the phrase “dirty, uncivilised, jungle bunnies”. It’s political correctness gone mad.
28 Responses to “Your Favourite Racist Joke”
Well of course. Pretty much everyone who cries about everything being too PC is basically just bitter that they can’t go around calling people wogs any more.
My favourite joke:
Q: Why did David Mulvey cross the road?
A: Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken.
was it an english, irish and scotsman joke?
he’s taken the ‘your’ bit of the question a bit literally. maybe he thinks the internets is just talking to him
I agree. What is the point in asking a question if we are not first certain that David Mulvey will be able to answer it? Tell me!
I should imagine that CERN’ll be abandoning their plans to fire up the LHC as well now. What’s the point in asking questions of tiny particles? David Mulvey won’t know the answer.
Also, where is DERBYS and why is it in capitals? I’m stuck imagining it as the bellowed reply to a good forty percent of questions put to David Mulvey.
DERBYS!
Maybe David will give us all a good laugh and go the same was as Bernard Manning and his material.
If we are really lucky then Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown and Jim Davidson will take the hint too.
I dunno, perhaps because some other people might feel able to answer?
If I understand the second sentence correctly, all the politically incorrect comedians are now dead. Can someone tell me where Jim Davidson is buried so I can go and, er, pay my respects?
…And Jethro.
That joke thread is too good to be true.
So refreshing to see someone making use of their punctuation - although perhaps a little too much. I think he started telling a joke… then he started trying to remember it and forgot to stop writing what he was thinking. The last bit is him trying to recall the punchline.
This is not comedy. It’s poetry!
Its the 1 amid the exclamation marks and question marks that makes this one a great.
When they cleared out Bernard Manning’s attic after he died, they found a portrait of a very funny man.
FACT!
I’m trying to filter this into a lucid summary, but it’s so illogical I can’t do it.
I think he’s saying “It’s the BBC’s fault I’m a racist twat”
Perhaps it was this joke:
An Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman go on holiday in Borneo but they can’t be arsed with the official touristy side of things so they opt to go wandering through the jungle without a guide and are captured by a tribe of head-hunting cannibals with bones through their noses. On being told by Darkie the chieftain that they’re going into the tribe’s pot-roast they beg for their lives but Darkie explains that only those who have shown themselves worthy by succeeding at the Test of the Mau-Mau can escape the pot.
They all agree to take the test and Darkie explains that the test is in two parts. To pass the first part they must wander alone into the jungle and return within one hour with 10 items of fruit – but all ten must be the same fruit.
So off they go and 40 minutes later Jock the Scotsman returns with 10 oranges. “Well done” says Darkie “Now for de second part of the test you must bend over while we push each orange into your arse one by one. If you make any sound at all you have failed de test and we will kill you and put you in the pot”
Jock is horrified, but doesn’t want to be eaten so he lifts up his kilt and bends over. He grits his teeth as the first orange is pushed inside his chocolate starfish, then another, and another, but as the 4th orange is being forced into his now-straining bowels he cries out in pain. Darjie the chieftain immediately chops his head off and throws his body into the bubbling pot.
Just then Quentin the Englishman walks out of the jungle with 10 cherries and Darkie explains what the second part of the test involves. Quentin, knowing he’s had far worse up his shitter in his public school days drops his kecks and bends over. The first cherry slips in easily, and the next, and the next, and the next. Just as the last cherry is being pushed into his rectum Quentin suddenly bursts out laughing and Darkie immediately chops off his head and throws him into the pot.
When he gets to the Pearly Gates Quentin finds Jock waiting for him. “What happened ye stupid sassenach?” cried the amazed Scot “Ye only had to take that last cherry up yer crapper and ye would have lived!”
“I know” chuckles Quentin, “But just as it was going in I saw Paddy walking out of the jungle with 10 pineapples…”*
B-dum-tsh!
I thank yew!
* taken from the “Ben Elton Bumper Book of Fun” 1982
A) Why is ‘Other Politically Incorrect’ in inverted commas?
B)
Is this his way of saying he’s got no sense of humour anymore?
C) @skunkpussy - For a second I thought said ‘children’ not ‘chicken’. Damned peedos all over this t’interwab now.
Hark at Oscar over here!
I’m appreciating the fact that David (rather politically correctly) uses the euphemism ‘politically incorrect’ instead of ‘racist’, but by the use of the inverted commas still seems to convey the message that he is not a fan of political correctness. If that makes any sense. What I mean is, if you mean ‘racist’, say ‘racist’, you two-faced shithead.
Seeing as David can’t tell us what his favourite joke is, I’m going to have a guess at it here:
When they cleared out Bernard Manning’s attic after he died, they found a portrait of a very funny man and four thousand empty Gregg’s bags.
FACTUS TOTALUS!
What did upset me, was that someone complained that the following comment was in poor taste:
It’s complaints like that which fuel the PCGM-brigade.
Here’s my favourite joke:
A man goes into a restaurant and orders Calamari. So the waiter goes into the kitchen and tells Fez, the chef, to kill a squid from the fishtank. It’s one of the posh restaurants where you can see your meal swimming around, see.
So Fez goes to the fishtank and finds there’s only one squid left. It’s been in there a while and the staff have come to see it more as a pet than a potential dinner. What’s more it has gone a slightly green colour and has a stringy fungal growth above its mouth, almost like a moustache. And it looks so mournful with its big squid eyes that Fez just can’t bring himself to kill it.
So Fez goes to the big burly dishwasher Hans and asks him to kill the squid instead. So Hans fetches up a cleaver and strides over to the tank, ready to send the squid to squid heaven. But he also is overcome by an access of emotion and breaks down into tears. This sets Fez off, and they’re both bawling away in the middle of the kitchen.
All of which goes to prove that Hans that do dishes sounds awfully German which probably means he’s some kind of PC vegetarian EU drone sent here to stop us enjoying our native seafood and take dishwashing jobs away from honest hardworking GREAT BRITONS and Fez sounds like some sort of fucking muslim or something probably escaped from Sangatte don’t know why he didn’t just blow the squid up can’t get the service these days just wanted some fucking calamari *aneurysm*
And also they were both gay and probably wanted to get married and adopt babies so they could turn them gay and take over the Anglican Church with their dirty, dirty bottom rituals that I cannot stop imagining in disgustingly arousing detail.
kelvin, you should post that on the HYS thread. It would be depressingly well recommended i think
Here’s my favourite joke:
“A nig-nog done a poo in another nig-nog’s mouth. Fact!”
I think I’m now depressed.
Also, I hate David Mulvey, the pea-brained simpleton, wherever he is from.
I DO CAN IT!
FACT!
Also the comments system on this blog makes me want to knifecrime someone. You couldn’t make it up.
They don’t care Jake. If they did, they’d fix it so you could tab around the boxes in a rational fashion. Bastards.
I don’t understand - you press tab and you go to the next box. How is that not rational?
Are you guys speaking in your daft nerd lingo again?
Oh, and Jake: IF YOU DON@T LIKE OUR CUNT-RY GO AND LIVE SUMWEAR ELSE¬!!!!!+!+!_”£”¬!
Q: How many LHC’s does it take to change a lightbublb?
A:Its political correctness gone mad