Miscellaneous Prats27 Aug 2008 09:56 am
By Nelson
‘Are “Titan Jails” the best way to house prisoners?’. Norman passes on something wise he once learned about storing very old eggs.
Of course they are. When there are too many rotten eggs for the basket, you go out and but a bigger basket.
Or you can always do what this snivelling government have done, and pretend the stench is wafting from a different bowl.
Norman Pot-Noodle, Bedsitland
I’d throw a few of those rotten eggs away. Just keep the good ones and use the money you’ve saved on baskets to buy the rest of the ingredients for an omelette.
Just think, if you could do metaphors like that one, you could post on HYS for years and nobody would ever guess what you were on about.
45 Responses to “Norman’s Hoard Of Stinky Eggs”
There is a stench wafting from a different bowl because thats the one that Norman shat in.
Oooooh…
That’s what he meant by “but a bigger basket”. Thanks Petpete!
I reckon Norman’s repressing a secret desire to immerse all criminals in boiling water for 3 minutes then smash their heads in with a spoon.
Before dipping his little hot soldier in their runny yolk?
Isn’t it funny how none of the ‘eggs’ seem to be pure in colour anymore? Most seem to be imported as well. You know what I mean.
Given that Norman lives in “Bedsitland”, the likelihood is that he wears a vest all day, has runny yolk on it and shops down at Walford market. Also, I take issue with his use of the word “snivelling”. Does he mean that the Government all have colds? If that’s the case, then it’s no wonder they can’t smell properly to tell which basket the smell is coming from.
tlumacz you’ll be believing the ZaNuliarBOre lies that there’s no difference at all between white and brown eggs next. Tell me!
Relax, i’m a chicken
To make sure the experiment is fair he should wear a blindfold and see if he can smell the difference between his own fetid effluent and a dozen rotten eggs.
I’m guessing he can’t because he’s a fucknut.
…I can’t stop thinking about Norman shitting into a bowl.
I think jails on Titan would be a great idea!
The prisoners could do some spacemining to offset the costs, and we could put Sean Connery in charge of the operation. Or maybe even that bloke who did the voice on the Tetley Tea People adverts.
Ah, hang on…. I see what I’ve done there – I’ve somehow managed to confuse reality with the plots of ‘Alien 3′ and ‘Outland’.
Also Outland was set on Io, not Titan.
And, sadly, Brian Glover is dead.
….
How about we just strap Norman to a rocket and launch him into the Sun
instead?
In space, no one can smell your stench.
Surely we’re all missing the important point here.
Are they battery-farmed eggs or free-range? Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall should be consulted.
He should also be kicked in the fucking balls, the pontificating posh twat. I’d eat more healthily Hugh, if I had 6000 fucking acres to source my organically grown food from, you massive Meditteranean Mongoose’s mimsy.
I imagine Nelson is already on it, but “What does it mean to be British” has predictably turned into a parade of cunts.
You could more or less just copy the first page of recommended comments into a SYB post.
I seriously think the BBC mods are just trolling for fun now with these HYS questions.
The smell, if I’m not mistaken, wafts from Norman’s surnom de plume, at least if my last experience of being downwind of a Pot Noodle is anything to go by. One of the few foods that smells better coming out than going in.
‘When there are too many rotten eggs for the basket, you go out and but a bigger basket’
Confucious speaks!
‘When paedophiles too many for prison, crush them flat with mighty auspicious hammer and stack them like pancakes.’
That… that just doesn’t make any sense! Who the hell collects rotten eggs?
Freak.
Everybody knows that titan jails are a soft option. Inmates are allowed to roll boulders up hills and have their livers pecked by birds of prey whilst swords are suspended over their necks. We need MORE prison discipline and LESS political correctness.
When I have too many rotten eggs in my basket, I go and throw them at Norman’s house.
And then he comes out and scoops the bits up in his special bowl, which he then empties into his bath so that later he can sit in the vat of stinking albumen and “fertilise” it.
I was pondering the usage of rotten eggs and was distracted by the birds in the bush and what the hell were those hands doing, they were idle a minute ago. So I decided that it was neither a good thing nor a bad thing. Now let me tell you something about the nature of mickles, many make a muckle. Then Zooney(of XL5 fame)NeWTliarboreholes and that fat chard Clown will tax them. I can make it all up and write for the Daily Mail. Stick that in your pipe and don’t publish it.
Tonymac, I think Sir, that you miss the point. If you want to spout off about things like that, missing the point compleatly, HYS is right there for you. You would probably eat better if you could see beyond the end of you nose and see the world around you. You sound just like the fuck wits on “Hughs Chicken Run”. Full of fat gits saying “I can’t afford to eat better food” when they clearly eat far to much anyway as they weigh 18 stone.
Much the same as Norman. He clearly didn’t read beyond the title of the artical. The fuck wit. How do these people get by in life not having an attention span beyond 10 words?
John,
I was just thinking of the eggs. Won’t anyone think of the eggs?
I agree, there’s no place in this thread for Hugh F-W. He should be placed immediately in a Titan jail, along with 2499 other bad eggs.
It’s okay, I’m not 18 stone.
Tonymac,
It is clearly the governments fault. Lack of clear lableing on egg’s. Just think if a kid picked up one of those egg’s and tryed to eat it. Why won’t people think of the children!
John, you’re right on the money with your thoughtbeams.
Clearly, the problem is that through the 60′s, 70′s and 80′s, successive governments actively encouraged thinking of the children, resulting in the situation we have today whereby 98% of taxi, limo, busdrivers, traindrivers, men and beasts are paedophiles.
By also missing the very real issue of egg labelling, the goverment is reaping what they’re sowing with having to build approximately 12,000 Titan Jails to house the male population of Great Britain and .
Honestly, you couldn’t FACT it up!
Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. “Bank”
the criminals need to be kept in open farmyards and allowed to be able to wander about. its more healthy and humane, and they taste better. But gordon clown and his snivelling cronies would want to give the subhuman criminal bad egg scum all playstations and soft comfy beds and let them out into freedom when their debt to society has been paid in full, rather than put them down and turn them into reformed ham or something. you couldn’t make it up. Tell Me!!
I bet they don’t publish this!
Ralax, i’m Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
This pot noodle chap has missed the point. We need bigger places to keep the rotters, at the moment they are a bit cramped with all those TVs, DVD players, play boxes, game stations etc. Also they need to build more jaccuzis and stages for the entertainers to perform on.
Relax – I’m an all round good egg.
Wise words…
And NEVER put all your apples in one barrel.
And don’t count your horses before the gates are bolted!
You can lead a duck to water but only if a camel’s watered on its back.
err… Never stand downwind of Norman Potnoodle, He stenches of a Walrus’s Weeping Wagina
In order to reform all prisoners need to be offered a carrot at the end of the rainbow. Is it too late to cast a clout?
Titan is where bad judges go, not bad eggs Norman. And I bet you wank about being Judge Dredd. Norman is the Law. Obviously I am a geek so I do too.
You lot have got it all wrong. Mr Pot-Noodle is clearly an über-liberal campaigning for the abolition of the prison system.
After all, who the hell puts eggs in a basket these days? They all come in those funny cardboard thing some ungrateful brown airhead on Blue Peter was always telling me how to make into stuff.
Ergo no prisons. Fact!
Alex, you raise a good point about Egg Boxes. Clearly if the loverly Ms Huq dosent have any the kids will have nothing to do of an evening. This guy clearly want’s all the kids to stop making stuff and go out knifecriming people. What will happen then? The peados will not need to drive limos any more, for a good wage. They will just need to hang around knife shops all day. This will mean they become dole scum peados.
Clearly this bad egg/egg basket issue is somthing the Clownmister Gord is not taking seriously. What do you have to say about that Mr Wittingstall?
We must also consider the FACT that 98% of egg baskets are made by imugrunts, taking jobs from good, hard working, white, egg box making men.
You coulden’t make it up!!!!1!1!!!!
You can’t teach grandma how to suck eggs.
But, evidently, you can teach Norman Pot Noodle how to suck.
Disgustipated asks “Who the hell collects rotten eggs?”
/me says “Thick fucking aardvark kippers whos subsist on Pot Noodles in a bedsit.”
Am I right in assuming the frequent downtime recently of Speak You’re Branes is due to the tide of wank caused by HYS’s What does it mean to be British? thread?
Oh, it’s much easier than you think.
“Bank”
Will everyone piss off with the ‘Bank’ stuff? It’s getting like the Weakest Bastard Link round here.
“Bank”
Agreed.
“Bank”
BottleBrain, the important question is did you answer my question, or get as far as “How do these people get by in life not having” and make the end up yourself because you got board?
“Bank”
Relax. Im Anne Robinson.
Question?
“Bank”
Shit!
[Pixies reference, just to be on the safe side]
I prefer Wave of Masturbation
[/Pixies reference]
Wot a bunch of bankers!
Relax, I’m dyslectic.
“Wank”
I would find great happines in slicing up the eyeballs of Pot Noodle, I want you to know.
“Spank [the monkey]“
The boudary between SYB and HYS is becoming blurred. Remind me, we are the ‘good guys’, aren’t we?
I offer an imaginary prize of Five Pounds to anyone who can get a post onto the Top Page of an HYS thread that ends with the popular sign off, “Relax, I’m ________” (Stupid; A Nazi; Astrologically Gifted; etc)
Did anyone notice this in the “What it Means to be British” bigotfest?
The website ‘Speak You’re Branes’ represents what it means to be British; self-deprecating, satirical and generally open-minded. The small-minded form a depressing minority, over-respresented in most HYS discussions.
Elie Watch
Figured its been awhile since people were updated on what Elie’s opinions have been up to lately.
The answer is that Elie is either mellowing out, or he is a hypocrite. When a dog emotions an audience on Britain’s got talent then it is hell on earth… but when the Norwegian government gives a knighthood to a penguin its a bit of a laugh
Elie drinks only water, eats only LSD and smokes only opium.
In other news, he still blames women for anything that happens to them. For example, when an 11 year old schoolgirl gets abused on her school break and the offender walks whose side does he take?
That’s right Elie – the school uniform and whole lunch break thing could have just been a ruse.
Elie has been putting his postcode on recent comments so SYB stalkers could even view his house form google earth if they were weird enough. I find the metro website to be close enough to his dark prophecies.