Give thanks again for more from the complaints log.
RADIO 4 - GENERAL
“There are far too many programmes about women and gay people. Why don’t you broadcast an hour of entertainment for men?”
They could broadcast the sound of indignant spluttering.
RADIO 4 - WOMAN’S HOUR
“I cannot hear what Jenni Murray is saying. She has an unclear, soft voice. I would appreciate if she could speak a bit louder.”
Don’t worry, everything she says is shit.
RADIO 5LIVE - GENERAL
“The newsreader said ‘Gary Glitter was due to come back to ‘England’. I found this annoying because, as far as I am aware, England has the same passport controls as the rest of the UK.”
I can only imagine your rage when you were forced to learn that he flew into Heathrow.
RADIO ESSEX - NEWS
Re. Report on Holidays: “The reporter said the caravans [at a particular camping site] are wonderful and not the type of thing that you get stuck behind on the A8. I was offended by this as I enjoy towing my Caravan to different locations.”
It’s all about the towing.
NEWS AT TEN
“During this report a representative from the organisation Human Rights Watch was interviewed. As far as I know they are a discredited organisation and therefore an inappropriate group to have speaking on the programme.”
By “discredited”, did you mean “not quite racist enough for The Telegraph”?
GENERAL TV
Re. CHILDREN IN NEED: “I was concerned by newspaper reports that 7/7 bombers received money from the programme: I think this is ridiculous, and I won’t be donating again in future.”
90% of the money raised is spent on Xbox 360s for bumpy-faced, swarthy paedophiles on benefits. Trufax.
MAN WHO CYCLED THE WORLD
“I find this programme to be very poor, it is pointless and I would prefer to see some sort of variety show.”
Because, sometimes, only Shane Ritchie singing songs from “Oklahoma” will do.
TRAWLERMEN
“I object to yet another series from the BBC glamorising the profession of those people who choose to catch and kill innocent fish as a living. I see it as a barbaric act and I don’t think they are brave at all.”
Get a fucking grip you transparent, half-dead twat.
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
“The BBC is only interested in people with ancestors from abroad and exotic locations. Is this the BBC’s black propaganda to make us think that we come from somewhere else.”
Them black people may have evolved from monkeys in Africa but us TRUE BRITS evolved from badgers, hedgehogs and good, honest, plucky sparrows.
43 Responses to “Complains”
No imperial measurment related nincompoopery? Please tell me whoever it is who seemed to complain about that every week has died. Preferably in some kind of temperature based error.
I mis-read the second complaint and thought s/he wished Jenni would speak like a builder.
I’d listen in if that were the case
i’ve a good mind to complain about “who do you think you are?” too. everyone knows the holocaust was made up and the bbc spent nearly an hour insisting it was real. it fair put me off my tea.
I find this website to be very poor, it is pointless and I would prefer to see some sort of variety website.
As far as I know they are a discredited organisation and therefore an inappropriate group to have speaking on the programme.”
Excluding all discredited organisations is going to make for a pretty dull programme: no Labour Party, no Tories, no banks, no energy companies, nobody from NATO, the EU or the UN, etc., etc. ad nauseam. And definitely nobody from the BBC!!!11 Just an empty studio with a desk in it.
I bet this doesn’t get banked!
Clearly, the only way to make you happy is to constantly broadcast variety programmes in case you should ever happen to turn on the television. I picture an exhausted Paul Daniels performing his seventeenth daring magic trick of the day, so exhausted that even the thought of lovely Debbie Magee waiting back at home can’t stave off the growing allure of simply lying down and letting death wash over him. And a floor manager with a whip.
In the interest of balance, next time Who Do You Think You Are wants to deal with the Second World War, they could get top BBC comedian Peter Serafinowicz in to talk about his grandfather’s contribution. There’s two sides to every story you know.
Maybe if we supplied the fish with weapons to even things up a bit, or better still find out that some eat their young in a sado-pedo frenzy, not so innocent then eh?
‘Who do you think you are?’ could find some b-list celebrity who can trace their ancestry back to the Cretaceous and find out that a distant ancestor was a Pollock…from Africa.
I don’t like watching the news. Could we have The Simpsons instead?
…. or ‘Love Thy Neighbour’. That was great.
That just made me laugh out loud. Although being Irish, I’m not sure what I evolved from. Of course, according to the more passionately bigoted Victorians and HYSers, we were (and still are) practically the missing link anyway.
The request for variety is a thinly-burqa’d plea for more John Barrowman on our screens.
Singing, acting, presenting, is there anything he can do?
[quote]Being Irish, I’m not sure what I evolved from[/quote]
Leprechauns and potatoes.
They were actually offended…. offended enough to complain.
Someone beat me to the “are fish truly innocent” AND “Irish people are descended from potatoes” comments - dammit.
Curses! Not only was I beaten to the punch regarding Irish/potato jokes, but I was also beaten to the punch about complaining that I wasn’t the first to make an Irish/potato joke!
Anyway…
I don’t even remotely get whatever point the guy is trying to make regarding Gary Glitter. Is he trying to say Glitter is British and not English, or something? Damned if I know…
I hear you, my anglo-saxon brother. It’s insidious the way they’ve chronicled the filthy foreign pasts of such impure halfbreeds as Bill Oddie, Amanda Redman, Sue Johnston, the notoriously anti-British Jeremy Clarkson, Ian Hislop, Lesley Garrett, Vic Reeves, Jeremy Paxman, Sheila Hancock, Stephen Fry, Julian Clary (who is both Not British and A Gay), Jane Horrocks, Barbara Windsor, Robert Lindsay, Colin Jackson, David Tennant, David Dickinson, Nigella Lawson, Jeremy Irons, Nicky Campbell, John Hurt, Griff Rhys Jones, Carol Vorderman, Alistair McGowan, Sir Matthew Pinsent, Patsy Kensit, Boris Johnson, Esther Rantzen, David Suchet (clearly a Belgian, I have seen the documentaries to prove it), Jodie Kidd and Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Apparently they’ve even done three episodes featuring BROWN people! You couldn’t make it up!
Bill Oddie? The badger-fiddling twat. You cOUld’nt make IT UP
It’s normally me that writes in about that, but this week my local post office decided to go hexadecimal. First class stamps are 2416, but I only had an £0A note and they didn’t have change.
I would like to make it clear that I shan’t be donating to the Lifeboat appeal, just in case they’re using it to fund smuggling operations for illegal immigrants.
How dare you remove my fucking subscript tags! Making me look like an idiot. NANNY STATE CENSORSHIP RIP OFF BRITAIN DAYLIGHT ROBBERY AGENDA BLAH BLAH COLOUREDS BLAH OPPRESSION BLAH BLAH BLAH
It’s XHTML correctness gone mad.
“There are far too many programmes about women and gay people. Why don’t you broadcast an hour of entertainment for men?”
I actually spat out my tea at this one. And a bit of wee came out… but not from the mug, obviously.
(And how do I make it appear in a bubble?)
Clearly the guy complaining about “Who Do You Think You Are” is pissed off because he voted for Boris like the BNP told him to and didn’t realise that he was backing a FORRUN!
If you can trace your ancestors back through at least 8 generations of middle class whites, the page does it automatically.
When’s this going to be on?
er, Kelvin.
Colin Jackson is Black. and a Gay.
Relax - strictly come dancing is back soon.
the worst thing is when they show programmes about gay women. I don’t know whether to wank or cry. normally I do both, simultaneously.
Next week on ‘Who do you think you are?’, a bloke who has spent his entire life living and working in Droitwich enlists the help of a crack team of genealogists who discover that his great-grandparents also spent their entire lives living and working in Droitwich.
See what you’ve done there is confuse “copying a list of names off Wikipedia and deleting the non-white and jewish names I recognise” with “knowing or caring who are the BBC celebrities the BBC decides to promote with an hour of indulgent navel contemplation” which I admit is an easy mistake to make. If the boundaries of your universe are defined by Heat magazine.
Actually, Colin Jacksons is gay black and wel;sh. Its political correctness gone mad.
FlowerTipsy, England (NOT Britain)
ps
stephen fry is a gay jew
pps the spell check in this box on YOUR PAGE does not recognise the word jew. you are censoring us by putting this line under it.
Ummm, Mr Jackson has denied being gay [http://www.voice-online.co.uk/content.php?show=13113]; unless anyone has actually ever seen him WITH HIS COCK IN ANOTHER MAN, I suggest the usual judicious use of the word “alleged”.
Jenni Murray talks shit?
HOW DARE YOU.
And yes of course I’m a bloke.
I never thought I’d laugh out loud at hexadecimal humour, but here we are after the event and I feel dirty but glad to have had the experience.
I think you’ll find that heros and celebs are english, scottish, welsh, irish as appropriate, Gary Dead-Man-Walking Glitter on the other hand, is British.
I think you’ll find it’s Jew with a capital J. We were originally just going to be given the capital letter, but at the last minute the League of Nations threw in the state of Israel.
I really like the idea that somehow the 7/7 Bombers escaped being turned into a fine pate by the metal-shredding bombs strapped to their backs, slunk off during the chaos that followed and then disguised themselves as sad-faced children so that Terry Wogan might fling them a few coins.
Exotic locations. Doncaster and Bromley, to name but two, are only exotic to the hard of thinking. But then again, what other kind of person would bother to complain about it?
Interestingly, the spellcheck doesn’t seem to have a problem with the words yid, kike or hebe. What sort of a message is that sending to impressionable youngsters?
MAN WHO CYCLED THE WORLD
“I find this programme to be very poor, it is pointless and I would prefer to see some sort of variety show.”
I agree - documenting the world-breaking 18,000 mile ‘bike ride’ of a 24 year old man is no-where near as exciting as ‘Last Choir Standing’.
“As far as I know they are a discredited organisation and therefore an inappropriate group to have speaking on the programme.”
I think HYS should be called “As Far As I Know” from now on. Or maybe AS FAR AS I NOW
“It’s normally me that writes in about that, but this week my local post office decided to go hexadecimal. First class stamps are 2416, but I only had an £0A note and they didn’t have change.”
I don’t entirely understand this, but it made me laugh anyway.
Is this the BBC’s black propaganda to make us think that we come from somewhere else.
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rhetorical question: no it’s the BBC’s science propoganda to make us believe in science.
Relax, I’m a flat-earther