Unfocused Rage29 Aug 2008 09:38 am

Rhetorical Question: WATCH MY LIPS!

By Alex

Thanks to Martin for finding this lunatic on the Telegraph website. I think it might be about the Olympics or something.

watch my lips :

DRUG-TAKING CHEATS.

THAT’S WHAT I SAID

LET THEM PROVE ME WRONG .

RHETORICAL QUESTION :

I WENT TO A GYM 4 TIMES A WEEK FOR A DECADE AND I HAVE A NORMAL MALE BODY : SLIM , STRONG AND NORMAL

I SEE WOMEN ON TV WHO HAVE BODIES THAT EVEN A MAN WHO GOES TO THE GYM 4 TIMES A WEEK FOR A DECADE DOING WEIGHTS DIDN’T GET.

THEY ARE DRUG-TAKING CHEATS.

ALL OF THEM FROM EVERY COUNTRY

AND THAT’S FINE BY ME AS LONG AS THEY ADMIT THAT…

..THEY ARE ALL DRUG-TAKING CHEATS

MAN ON WATERLOO BRIDGE

As Martin says:
Extra points for not quite being all-capitals, which proves that the capitals were either deliberate or a result of a feverish accidental press of the caps-lock key whilst rushing to get the brain-dump out. Also, great use of the phrase “rhetorical question”, without an actual question.

I reckon it looks like blank verse. But does he recite it, sing it, rap it or just hare around Waterloo on a scooter, yelling it at passers-by?

28 Responses to “Rhetorical Question: WATCH MY LIPS!”

  1. on 29 Aug 2008 at 9:52 am   Robin

    He’s apparently very bitter that, after going to the gym for a whole decade, he STILL doesn’t have the body of a woman.

  2. on 29 Aug 2008 at 9:54 am   arsebanana

    Yes if you’re a bloke you have to go to the gym a lot more or a lot less to get boobs.

  3. on 29 Aug 2008 at 10:05 am   Billy

    If he’s still slim after going to the gym 4 times a week for a decade he’s doing something wrong.

  4. on 29 Aug 2008 at 10:25 am   The Gnome Secretary

    I’ve been doing bench presses using my cock for years and it hasn’t grown any bigger or more muscular.

    What does that tell you?!

    MALE PORN STARS WITH BIG WILLIES ARE ALL DRUG-TAKING CHEATS!

    LET THEM PROVE ME WRONG!

  5. on 29 Aug 2008 at 10:26 am   Oliver

    If all you do when you get to the gym is nurse a semi in the pool while doing some gentle ‘laps’ and looking at the ladies (or gentlemen) in their swimwear you ain’t going to look like Chris Hoy.

    Im guessing this guy looks more like Barry George.

  6. on 29 Aug 2008 at 10:27 am   crafty_carmen

    I like to think he’s standing on Waterloo Bridge, contemplating how much fun he could have had if he’d been getting high 4 times a week for a decade.

  7. on 29 Aug 2008 at 10:37 am   AC, Peebles

    He only goes to the gym to look through the hole he made in the cubicle wall. That doesn’t quite do the trick though. He has put his finger up his bottom and smell the poo to make the ‘my special’ thing happen.

  8. on 29 Aug 2008 at 10:41 am   pa010

    Maybe he should lift some heavier weights?

  9. on 29 Aug 2008 at 10:43 am   alt-f4

    “I SEE WOMEN ON TV WHO HAVE BODIES THAT EVEN A MAN WHO GOES TO THE GYM 4 TIMES A WEEK FOR A DECADE DOING WEIGHTS DIDN’T GET.”

    Those “women” are in fact sexist men on drugs masquerading as women in order to cheat. FACT.

  10. on 29 Aug 2008 at 10:47 am   Civilian Homosexual

    “He has put his finger up his bottom and smell the poo to make the ‘my special’ thing happen.”

    That just made me boak a little. Thanks.

    I like how this guy seems to think that he’s actually doing more work by going to the gym 4 times a week, lifting weights for an hour or two, than Olympic athletes who in all likely hood go to the gym 4 times every day.

    Hell, if that’s all you need to do to become an Olympic athlete, sign me up for 2012!

  11. on 29 Aug 2008 at 11:40 am   Neil

    Particularly scary for me, because I have to walk across Waterloo bridge every day. Who’s to say he won’t mistake me for a “DRUG-TAKING CHEAT” and throw me off the bridge?

  12. on 29 Aug 2008 at 11:55 am   MW

    I like the “watch my lips” comment. Er, how?

  13. on 29 Aug 2008 at 11:58 am   773 (metric)

    RHETORICAL QUESTION:

    I SINCERELY HOPE THAT THIS EXCITING NEW LITERARY DEVICE OF ‘RHETORICAL QUESTION: [statement]‘ REPLACES THE NOW WORN-OUT CLICHÉS OF ‘Relax, I’m (a) [adjective/noun]‘, ‘Tell me!’ OR THE EVEN MORE TIRED ‘you couldn’t make it up!!!’.

    End of, methinks.

  14. on 29 Aug 2008 at 12:14 pm   Disgustipated

    I WENT TO A GYM 4 TIMES A WEEK FOR A DECADE AND I HAVE A NORMAL MALE BODY : SLIM , STRONG AND NORMAL

    Methinks the lady doth protest too much…

    “My body is normal. I have a normal body. It’s normal. I do not have a huge, hideous abcess on my penis. Cos that wouldn’t be normal. and that is what my body is. Normal. NORMAL!”

    Eww. Pussy penis.

  15. on 29 Aug 2008 at 12:18 pm   Ollwah

    Much as I like them, I must admit his ramblings do sound a lot like the lyrics to a song by Flight of the Conchords.

  16. on 29 Aug 2008 at 12:24 pm   Mr Cat

    I think this one could also be set to music. But more lounge jazz than reggae dub.

    It is also an excellent find… Perhaps he is on Waterloo Bridge ready to jump to his demise because of his inadequate body.

  17. on 29 Aug 2008 at 12:29 pm   Freddy Two Trousers

    Jump off!

    You have to do more than just ‘go to the gym’ to see any real results.

  18. on 29 Aug 2008 at 12:53 pm   wobbegong

    fancies himself a bit doesn’t he with his SLIM, STRONG AND NORMAL physique. Amazed he didn’t descibe himself as LITHE, DEFINED AND PERFECT instead

  19. on 29 Aug 2008 at 1:02 pm   put together wrong

    “I WENT TO A GYM 4 TIMES A WEEK FOR A DECADE AND I HAVE A NORMAL MALE BODY : SLIM , STRONG AND NORMAL”

    I diagnose body dysmorphia. I’ve seen man on waterloo bridge (and yes, I am regretting not pushing him in when I had the chance) and, no, that is not normal.

    Trust me – I’m a nurse.

  20. on 29 Aug 2008 at 1:04 pm   Me, Myself and HYS

    All this talk of songs and poems… ‘HYS:the album’, anyone?

  21. on 29 Aug 2008 at 1:34 pm   6000

    ALL OF THEM FROM EVERY COUNTRY

    Well, at least it’s a level playing field, then…

  22. on 29 Aug 2008 at 1:36 pm   Rotwatcher

    I think he is on Waterloo Bridge contemplating the sunset. Sadly for him, being a duck’s delight, he’s unable to enjoy the majesty of God’s creation because he’s obsessing because his genotype precludes him from getting sexy pex and a six-pack, nistakenly thinking that merely attending the sports facility and ogling the gym bunnies would be enough to increase the size of his biceps (well, it worked for his tiny cock, after all, though it reverted to normal size after some vigorous rubbing).

  23. on 29 Aug 2008 at 1:38 pm   Rotwatcher

    nistakenly

    meh.

  24. on 29 Aug 2008 at 1:40 pm   Paul D. Waite

    Come on, the guy’s right. There’s no way these “amateur” Olympians could go to the gym, say, 5 times a week. It’s just not possible.

  25. on 29 Aug 2008 at 1:46 pm   Rich (MMath)

    RHETORICAL QUESTION :

    Tell me what you think about me. I bought my own diamonds and I bought my own rings…

    etc etc

  26. on 29 Aug 2008 at 3:10 pm   Mr Cat

    Actually – scratch the lounge music thing. Or the Destiny’s child thing…

    The composition and capital letters make me now think that it would go down really well if recorded like “Fred” on OK computer. “Fitter, happier, more productive” etc

    I bet someone with more computer nous than Joy Pattinson (or me) could get that sorted easily enough.

  27. on 29 Aug 2008 at 3:25 pm   wobbegong

    Or how about to the tune of O Superman but with the background oh oh oh’s being replaced by the sound of Waterloo Bridge wanking himself while staring at his perfect physique?

  28. on 30 Aug 2008 at 3:10 am   misterfricative

    Oh noes! Don’t encourage me! Stop me before I compose again.

    Relax, I’m all out of ideas.

    Rhetorical question?