Miscellaneous Prats and The Regular Twats04 Sep 2008 09:23 am

Peter Short From Birmingham

By Nelson

I’ve come across this mysterious “Cyclops” character before, but I’m no closer to figuring out his real identity. Thanks to Edna for her detective work, tracking down his latest post.

Should the exam syllabus be led by social issues? That should be the Question. Should a subject on the ‘Hellocaust’ be permitted in ‘Schools’ while we incarcerate little,invalid immigrant children in ‘concentration camps’ here in England today (Prison Inspectors report 2008). Its time we thought about that,not poetry!
Cyclops
Peter Short, Birmingham, United Kingdom

Good “point”. We should probably stop teaching them about WWII generally, in case they start thinking that invading other countries and occupying them for 5 years is ok as well.

38 Responses to “Peter Short From Birmingham”

  1. on 04 Sep 2008 at 9:37 am   shoelace

    “This” is “me” doing my “hellocaust” “face”.

    I’ve stopped doing it now, it hurt.

  2. on 04 Sep 2008 at 9:39 am   Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

    ‘Hellocaust’

    Mass murdering sounds a lot more fun when you put a jovial greeting in. I might try and coin the phrase “Howdy-cide”.

  3. on 04 Sep 2008 at 9:43 am   setyourfacestostunned

    I agree with Pete The Bell End.

    I think that all formal education of children, everywhere, should be suspended whilst there is any pain and suffering anywhere in the world.

    That’d work.

  4. on 04 Sep 2008 at 9:52 am   shoelace

    The Boston Wotchacre.

    The Columbine School Topofthemorning.

    It works!

  5. on 04 Sep 2008 at 9:53 am   Stuart

    RHETORICAL QUESTION: Who is Cyclops? TELL ME!!1!1!!!

  6. on 04 Sep 2008 at 9:53 am   tlumacz

    That’s it, I’m shoehorning ‘howdycide’ into every conversation I have today.

  7. on 04 Sep 2008 at 10:00 am   Alex

    Somehow, I don’t see the industrial-scale murder of house-focused celebrity magazines as a bad thing.

    Anyway, I think the mysterious ‘Cyclops’ is trying to say that to read a poem after Dungavel is barbaric.

  8. on 04 Sep 2008 at 10:10 am   DA PC BRIGADE

    Hellocaust just makes me think of Hello Kitty for some reason…

  9. on 04 Sep 2008 at 10:14 am   Keith

    If any of you have the slightest conscience about anything, you’ll all put your pens down and not learn anything new and just THINK about Hastings.

    Relax, i’m French.

  10. on 04 Sep 2008 at 10:28 am   left-leaning HYSer

    Just because there immigrants don’t make them invalid. Everyone is important.

  11. on 04 Sep 2008 at 10:36 am   Kelvin

    I completely agree with Peter on this one, actually. The best way to teach them what happens to people who get put in concentration camps is to let them just watch it happen on the news, rather than do all that dusty history shit.

  12. on 04 Sep 2008 at 10:54 am   Peedo stalker Sam

    Did I hear someone say that they want someone’s identity discovered? Is he under 18? I can help!

  13. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:00 am   Peedo stalker Sam

    Found him! Here he is!

    His name is Peter, and he’s short…

  14. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:04 am   Oliver

    What are these ‘schools’ he speaks of?

    TELL ME!!!1oneoneone!

  15. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:13 am   Peedo stalker Sam

    OK, one last thing…

    Just found Mr. Short giving the following incredible testimony. I still can’t work out what the fuck he’s talking about though. Another one of those pleasant old-people comments that degenerates into shouting and spitting about nothing in particular:

    On parade

    From the Bromsgrove Advertiser, first published Wednesday 21st Nov 2007.

    I PARADED at the Wythall War Memorial on November 11 this year, wearing my father’s war medals on my right breast – as he wore them for the last time at the Cenataph last year. My single medal, I wore on the left.

    It was so good to see so many young people there. Afterwards, not thinking to have removed the medals from my overcoat before walking along Bromsgrove High Street, I was accosted by a youth who greeted me with Good morning General’.

    At first I believed the decorations on my coat were being mocked until I realised that my young friend was being playful’ and friendly’ because of ignorance, and I smiled a wry smile.

    The county council, through their WOW extra, have informed me that of the 100,000 children and young people in the county 3,000 are children in need’, 40,000 more children could be in need of help to avoid becoming children in need, and nearly half the children in the county are in need of care and attention.

    I’m being asked to contact the county social care service if I know of , or about, children in need of care!

    There is something rotten in Worcestershire!

    Peter Short Hollywood

  16. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:21 am   crafty_carmen

    “Hellocaust” put that song “Heller Good” in my head… :-/

  17. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:25 am   i've just thrown up

    Pee Doh Sam, can you include a warning next time you provide such a disturbing link?!1!

  18. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:26 am   Edna

    I think more people should sign off comments naming their favourite x-man, it gives a good impression of what that person is like.
    Peter here thinks he is the leader but is really blind and shoots lasers out of his eyes.
    Iceman (in wellies)

  19. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:27 am   Vicky

    I get the impression he’s got some reasonably intelligent ideas in his brain. Unfortunately they can’t come out as coherent, rational-sounding posts because of all the idiot between brain and fingertips.

  20. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:45 am   blind xnorance

    He’s not blind.Although come to think of it I don’t see why not.Its almost…as if…the x-men…makes no sense
    Squirrel Girl (hey she was in the great lakes X-Men)

  21. on 04 Sep 2008 at 11:49 am   Edna

    Sorry yeah He’s not blind as such

    should have put he is blind … to the fact that everyone prefers Wolverine
    But I couldn’t edit my post
    Iceman (in wellies)

  22. on 04 Sep 2008 at 12:50 pm   Throbbe

    Can we just keep to mocking Peter.

    Undercover Elephant

  23. on 04 Sep 2008 at 12:54 pm   Motchan

    “Howdy-cide!” he cries as he lets loose with his machine gun.

    That was tiring he thinks

    “9-11es anyone?”

  24. on 04 Sep 2008 at 12:58 pm   Disgustipated

    The county council, through their WOW extra, have informed me that of the 100,000 children and young people in the county 3,000 are children in need’, 40,000 more children could be in need of help to avoid becoming children in need, and nearly half the children in the county are in need of care and attention.

    …

    What?

    Sounds like the beginning of an A-level maths paper question to me.

    “If there are 100,000 children in the country, 3,000 of which are children in need, 40,000 could be in need of help and half the children are also in need of help, what time will the 3:15 train from Liverpool Street reach it’s destination?”

  25. on 04 Sep 2008 at 1:19 pm   Tonymac

    Is he trying to soften the blow of nasty sounding words?

    What’s next?

    “Gentlecide”
    “Mass mirthder”

  26. on 04 Sep 2008 at 1:29 pm   hokey cokey mom

    like the ‘cyclops’ i am also a ‘world of warcraft’ fan

  27. on 04 Sep 2008 at 1:49 pm   Dalek13

    Im having a most atrosticatory day as it happens. Quite Guantastic!

  28. on 04 Sep 2008 at 1:52 pm   Steve

    His county council are all on WoW? Sweet. Which server? How do I get a job there?

  29. on 04 Sep 2008 at 1:57 pm   Joe C

    He calls himself Cyclops because he looks out of his knob and talks through his arse.

    And he types with his knees.

  30. on 04 Sep 2008 at 1:59 pm   Alex

    Is he trying to soften the blow of nasty sounding words?

    What’s next?

    “Gentlecide”
    “Mass mirthder”

    I think he’s trying to mix the word “hell” in there. Because the word ‘Holocaust’ isn’t generally associated with anything particularly unpleasant.

    He does sort of have a point though – we teach children about the treatment of Jews and gypsies in the Third Reich, then intern ethnic undesirables without batting an eyelid.

    What’s the fucking point in wasting time and money learning history when we’re clearly doomed to repeat it anyway?

  31. on 04 Sep 2008 at 2:04 pm   6000

    I can’t help but think that the world would have been a much happier place if Adolf had gone for an E and two L’s, rather than an O and and L.

  32. on 04 Sep 2008 at 2:19 pm   Mooska

    I agree, Vicky. I think he’s Major Misunderstanding from Viz, but with added humanity and punctuation Tourette’s.

  33. on 04 Sep 2008 at 2:54 pm   Far-Q

    Its time we thought about that,not poetry!

    Wrong! We should do both:

    Should the exam syllabus
    by social issues be led?

    Should a subject on the ‘Hellocaust’
    be permitted in ‘Schools’ by heads?

    While we incarcerate immigrant children
    in ‘concentration camps’ here in England

    *gets coat*

    *returns for swift Haiku*

    Holocaust in schools
    Should this by teachers be taught
    While we jail Children

    *definitely gets coat*

  34. on 04 Sep 2008 at 2:56 pm   jpr

    Squirrel Girl (hey she was in the great lakes X-Men)

    Wasn’t that that Great Lakes Avengers? Or something?

    Scarlet Witch (a mutant, if not an X-Man. Woman. Person. It’s mutant PC gone mad.)

  35. on 04 Sep 2008 at 5:22 pm   Mr Cat

    “9-11es anyone?”

    you meant

    “9-11ses anyone?”

    Still the best hellocaust yet though.

    Mr Cat (erm Sabretooth?)

  36. on 05 Sep 2008 at 12:04 pm   Important Squirrel Girl Clarification

    She was indeed in the Great Lakes Avengers but they changed their name to GLX (men) when they realised they were all mutants.I think they have changed it again since.Who can bloody keep up with the marvel universe these days.

  37. on 09 Sep 2008 at 4:15 pm   i would prefer not to

    “The county council, through their WOW extra, have informed me that of the 100,000 children and young people in the county 3,000 are children in need, 40,000 more children could be in need of help to avoid becoming children in need”

    I think it’s great than an older gentleman is backing “WOW extra”, an initiative run by Worchestershire country council to get kids playing World of Warcraft.

    There are 3000 children out there without even a basic internet setup, and 40,000 poor kiddywinks who are still relying on out-moded modems (if you will) and slow dial-up connections. They could have their game time interrupted at any moment by glitches or failed connections.

    People, follow this mans lead. After all, we all know children who are unfairly being denied their right to MMORPGs.

  38. on 09 Sep 2008 at 4:19 pm   i would prefer not to

    P.S. Apologies to hokey-cokey mum, I just realized she’d made the same joke. At much shorter length.