Thanks to 773 for these posts on knife crime:
isn’t the law funny they come out with these most ridicules new laws about stopping some one to take away there knives and smack them on the wrist then couple of days later that person has another knife to threaten some one ealse i think the police and the legal system should make there own comedy show and call it Mr plod and Mr nasty like punch and Judy what a joke this government is they don’t know there right hand from there left i bet most mp cant even spell.
bob, cambridge
I wouldn’t worry. Not being able to spell and being completely incapable of rational, coherent thought are two entirely separate things. It’s just unfortunate you happened to get both.
the best way to deal with knife crime in the UK is to invent a time machine and go back to the 1950′s and prevent them from allowing mass immigration.
Sorry if people find that offensive but look at the statistics for who carry out most of these crimes, it’s not the indigenous white population is it?
gilly, london
Glad to see some practical solutions.
the only way that knife crime will be stopped is by hanging those who kill. There is no other way to control this. If these killers are standing over the trapdoor on the scaffold they would then know fear. At the moment there are no deterents and there are no judges that are prepared to put these thugs away for life and mean it. Young people need boundaries and need to have consequences there are none in our society now, l
Anna Ellmes, cardiff
As 773 says: I am amusing myself by imagining that Anna was typing that last comment on a laptop passed to her as she stood over the trapdoor on the scaffold.
39 Responses to “Poignant Last Words”
Thats some mighty pisspoor thinking. If you have a time machine, why not go back in time to before when knives were invented, and stop them from ever existing?
Come on, critical thinking here people. I blame ZaNu-Labour for this lack of imaginative problem-solving among website commentators.
To all those who are worried about the increase in knifecriming – STOP!!!1! The Large Hadrian Collision machine in Cern, Switzerland, is being turned on by Joy (ooer!) today. This machine will SMASH all the ATOMS in the universe – FACT! All knifecrimers are made of atoms – FACT! Therefore all knifecrimers will be smashed to … er … QUARKS – FACT!
Planck!
The HYS mods surpassed themselves when devising the question:
Is stop and search too blunt a tool to reduce knife crime? Does it alienate and marginalise young men? Have you been stopped and searched? Is offender profiling the best way to prevent knife and violent crimes?
It has every element needed to get mouths-a-frothing and rascists-a-rantin’.
I liked this one:
“If you want to tackle gun and knife crime you pretty much want to look at those known to perpetrate it, which as it happens are mostly black youths, so they are the people to target, QED. If they don’t like it, tough – don’t be in gangs, don’t keep killing each other, or leave our country and misbehave elsewhere. Simple, really, isn’t it?
Michael Lloyd, Wigan, United Kingdom”
Well, yes…
Except…
How on earth are all those darkies going to get any work done when we send them back to their plantations if they haven’t got any sharp implements to cut the cotton with?
I don’t think he’s thought that one through really.
“It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack, are they going to search everyone?
andrew janes, nodnol, United Kingdom”
WHAT? As if knifecriming wasn’t bad enough now we have to worry about NEEDLECRIME???
Mind you, it would explain all the little pricks on HYS!!!one!!
surely if you had a time machine you’d go back to when dinosaurs lived and bring back a t-rex and then use that as the deterrent. these knifecrimers would soon know fear in those few seconds between being ripped limb from limb and eaten.
RELAX, i’m richard attenborough and i’ve tested everything fully
Hate to disagree with 773 but I think all that talking about hanging and young people needing boundaries and consequences proved to much for poor Anna and she slumped from the keyboard to writhe on the floor, frantically fiddling her lady-parts into a massive shrieking orgasm.
i refuse to believe anyone who posts on HYS would even know what a massive shrieking orgasm was. i bet she would have thought about giving her mimsy a quick tickle and then remembered that her mum told her that god would kill a puppy if she did and then went and read the bible while weeping inconsolably.
Why does Anna feel it’s only young people who should be hanged? It really is bizarre the way these freaks oscillate between “All young people are thugs and should be treated as such” and “Oh no the peados are coming for our children. WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!”
“Is stop and search too blunt a tool to reduce knife crime?”
Yes, the knifecrimers have sharp tools, that’s the point!
If I had a time machine, I’d go back to 1990 and get my self defence in first, by stabbing all children. Then there’d be no knife crime problems now, would there?
I’d also go back to the 50’s and have a perve on Marilyn Monroe, but I don’t think that’d solve anything.
I want a pet T-Rex! NOW!!!!1!!!!1!111!!
Ill call him Dave, Dave the T-Rex, and feed him on the broken bodys of HYSers. I just hope he dose’t catch anything from them, like Bad Aids or stupidity.
Did she run out of room to type, or did they open the trapdoor, leaving just a loanly “l”?
Honestly, in this day and age it should be possible to do a DNS lookup on HYS contributors linked to ancestry.com, go back in time to the 20th century and knifecrime their parents in the genitals.
Gilly must have thought they were really clever to use ‘indigenous’ in such a coded fashion that the pc-NuLaBour-Police would never be able to realise what was really being said. If we ever invent time travel we need to send Gilly back to war time Bletchley Park!
I have a mental image of judges giggling as they send someone down for life, but not really meaning it. You know, they’re just being silly.
By that point I think the deterent is a bit late. I admit that the chances of them stabbing someone again once they’re on the gallows with a noose around their necks is slim, it’s still there’s still a chance for them to re-offend.
Relax, I’m a judge
Everyone working in the field of temporal distortion knows that the first thing that happens when you use a time machine is that it accidentally ends up in the control of Jack the Ripper who uses it to go knifecriming his way through all of history
The HYS mods surpassed themselves when devising the question:
The mods are worse than the topsy twatty’s of the world, it’s very nice to think they’re just having a laugh but anyone who follows the medialens forums knows they’re deadly fucking serious.
Tomorrow on HYS – “Should albanians be given a brand new BMW and the house nextdoor ?”
If we ever invent time travel we need to send Gilly back to war time Bletchley Park!
Nooo! She’ll bugger up the war effort so the Nazis win. She’ll gain support with her horror stories from the near future. Darkies coming over here and knifing our jobs, while loony lefties are stealing our wheelie bins, and the PC brigade is drawing up plans to exterminate all white people. You couldn’t make it up.
Great Scott!
Why are those so-called “boffins” at nasa wasting their time with hadron colliders in switzerland when they could be using that one point twenty three gigawatts on their flux capacitor and sorting out this mess once and for all?
Relax, I’m Christopher Lloyd.
It’s a relief to know that you don’t have to look at the complicated issues of a problem like knife crime or take an analytical view of facts and the nuances behind those facts.
All you have to do is BLAME THE NIGGERS! Back in the 50s we had a lot more racism and a lot less crime. Coincidence? I know what the Nazi Stalinist Politically Correct Social Worker Stormtroopers will say…
We should take that time machine back to the days of Jack the Ripper and set the investigators straight. Everyone was trying to pin the crime on a Jew when they should have been trying to FIND THE NIGGER!
Prove me wrong!!!One Hundred And Eleven!!!1!
Unbelievably the most recommended comments about the LHC on HYS, rather than being ignorant, paranoic ranting, seem to be those comments which think the experiments to be a good thing. In fact, notable knobheads such as Politically Incorrect et al seem to actually believe in using new technologies for the advancement of knowledge. I can’t handle it. My worldview’s been fucked. It’s an unresolvable paradox.
Your wrong! FACT!
Happy now? :-p
Hopefully that Joy Pattinson’s collider is being used to smash Atom John’s together.
Relax, i’m Gordon Freeman
[i]the only way that knife crime will be stopped is by hanging those who kill[/i]
You’re right. Nobody with a knife could possibly think of a way of getting out of that one.
Perhaps the most elegant solution to the ‘knifecriming’ problem Ive heard is this
“Change their name from knifes to gaysticks”
Genius
We all agree that all serious crimes are comitted exclusively by blacks, so why don’t we do something to make blacks more easily identifiable to whites? Then we could avoid them, and cross over to the other side of the street when we see them coming. This would remove their opportunities to commit knifecrime.
I know! We could make them a diffrent colour to “us”!
But what if they paint themselves white? How will I know who to hate?
What we really need to do is to bring back slavery. If all those unnatural darkies had a nice indigenous owner to control whether they carried a knife. I’m sorry if people find this offensive but before they abolished slavery there was no knifecrime or paedophilia or LHCs wasting OUR MONEY ON EVIL EXPERIMENTS. FACT. Won’t someone think of the children?!?!?!?! Bring back slavery NOW. Now see if this gets posted.
“the only way that knife crime will be stopped is by hanging those who kill”
What about if they don’t kill by knifecriming someone?
The only solution is a sliding scale of punishments:
Knifecriming = death
Peedoism = death
Guncriming = death
Mindlessfuckingbigotism = death
NeedingtoputallyourrabidrantingonHYS = thrown into the large hadron collider wearing wearing nothing but a paramagnetic cockring.
I just noticed that there is 120 rejected comments (at time of posting) on the LHC debate, what bizarre and offensive drivel must people be saying in order to get it rejected?!
I really hope that one day all the rejected comments get released in some brilliant, but very scary, book.
I feel the urge to apologise once more for someone from my local region, but having been to Wigan I feel it would be two faced of me to suggest that Michael Lloyd represents anything but the most well bred (well, inbred) of them.
Is black crime proportionate to white crime in this country? I don’t have statistics to hand, but the ones in my head are wholly in favour of replacing everyone in Britain with darkies.
Damn I just realised my post made no sense. Imagine the second half of the second sentence. Losing consciousness mid-paragraph and regaining it in time to have an unrelated insane rant is clearly contagious.
“the best way to deal with knife crime in the UK is to invent a time machine and go back to the 1950’s and prevent them from allowing mass immigration”
Ah yes, because who can forget the mass immigration of knives in 1952, damn the knife-topia republic!
bob in Cambridge is a chat bomber/HYS Matador.
He got his reaction, so I think he wins.
Stay sharp people.
Knifecrimers = all black, apparently. BUT aren’t all famous peedos white? Clearly we need to target white men, QED. Or ask them to leave our country and misbehave elsewhere, like Gary Glitter.
WHY DONT THEY REALISE. THERE IS ONLY ONE SOLUTION. EXCESSIVE PUNCTUATION AND A PROPENSITY TO STATE MEANINGLESS NOISE. IF THIS MAKES YOU UPSET THEN LEAVE.
YOU COULD NOT MAKE IT UP. IF YOU COULD, THEN I WOULD.
Young people need ‘boundaries’, eh? Those’ll be the boundaries at the far left and far right ends of the scaffold, presumably.