Credulous Nincompoops and Permanently Bewildered and Plain Weird and The Regular Twats16 Sep 2008 11:41 am
By Alex

Thanks to Dean and Jamie for pointing me at the cookbooks for children scandal and picking out the first two idiots:

So to tackle obesity you give people cookbooks.Brilliant absolutely brilliant.Next we’ll be giving the unemployed cash handouts and drug addicts free drugs.

[chickenhawc], Bridgend, United Kingdom

When they hear there’s such a thing as food they’ll want to eat it every day.

Has Polly Toynbee written a section on “Cooking with Italian Communists in Tuscany”?
Is there anything on Halal butchery included in the book?
What about a “Dig For Victory” chapter – or would that be too pro British & divisive?
We need to know these things BBC…….

Righty Rightwing

You learn a lot about Righty Rightwing here. Not only does he assume everything the government publishes is written by Guardian journalists, he clearly only reads patriotic cookbooks that show the slaughtering.

It’ll have to be printed in many different languages won’t it?
English Not British, or European

At least 20 or 30!!
But won’t it also have to contain sections for different cultures eg halal and kosher.
And a section for veggies
and one for people with special dietry needs
and meals for people with nut allergies etc etc etc.

Steve Right, NuLabour’s Broken society

Whatever happened to having pork-fried beef with peanut sauce on every page? I blame the PC allergic brigade. Now finish your hemlock salad.

Why not have schools grow their own veg?

- Children digging etc would be a form of PE.
- Learning how the veg grows could be science.
- Counting how much veg is left after the slugs have been at them is maths
- Writing stories about the Veg could be English
- Learning about food and where it comes from could be History and Geography
- Then we could start thinking about teaching the kids to cook.

Hey, I’ve come up with a whole curriculum!

Liz J

Careful now. You start making the subjects all difficult again and nobody will get an A*.

43 Responses to “Vegetable Curriculum”

  1. on 17 Sep 2008 at 12:40 pm speechless with laughter

    dear god, Chickenhawc really does have shit for brains, how anyone could compare cookbooks with crack…*rolls eyes in disbelief*

    I know, we could feed the idiots who post on HYS to people with weight problems. The sheer amount of bile and absolute crap contained in these morons would surely put anyone fat off eating for life…then they would lose weight, and the daily mail would lose it’s readership at the same time and go bust. Brilliant!

  2. on 17 Sep 2008 at 12:49 pm bigruss

    i actually think its a good idea to educate kids about food and cooking. however my right wing agenda forces me to just write some old bollocks that bears no relation to the topic at hand.

    ‘oh yeah right teach kids to cook, next you’ll be teaching kids to be peedos – you couldn’t make it up!’

  3. on 17 Sep 2008 at 12:53 pm AndyS

    i had the funniest comment SYB has ever seen for this yesterday but now i’ve forgotten it.

    oh yeah. and chickenhawc is an oscillating rhino’s fanjita

  4. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:10 pm Rod Wrongnob

    chickenhawc: “giving the unemployed cash handouts”

    What sort of an idea is that? MADDNESS!!!???!!!!!,,,

    Liz J.: No teacher has ever thought to do a cross-curricular term-length project anything like that. You truly are a pedagogical genius.

    Righty Rightwing and Steve Right: You’re just a pair of grotty gibbon gashes.

  5. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:10 pm Dingleberry

    Righty Rightwing makes me puke… if you want proof that some people are born with no compassion what-so-ever. Trawl his MASSIVE post-history for a truly depressing anger-making time. Anyway, the bluff old fart tried to be ‘clever’ a while back and attempted to ‘wrong foot’ the HYS tiny gang of hard-core leftys by claiming he was a woman.

    Yeah right. Women don’t bellow ‘Woff! Woff! Woff! Resign Sir, you blackguard!!” or “It’s just won’t do!”

    So Here’s proof he’s a crusty, bitter, stone-hearted, unloved, empty, pompous, flatulent, bigoted, old MAN, who enjoys dragging up

    COMPARE

    July 2006 Pakistanis in the UK: Your questions

    “1. Living near Leicester, there are areas of the city that I as a white Anglo Saxon Englishman can no longer set foot in – how do you think this makes us feel?
    2. Many UK Muslims (40% in one poll) want Sharia Law in “their” areas. I for one think that if that was granted, it would signal the start of a new English Civil War. Is it possible for you to live under English Law without every having Sharia Law?
    3. Can you accept that Britain will never be a part of the Ummah?”
    Righty Rightwing

    …OR…

    Sept 2008 “How can women break the “glass ceiling” at work?

    “Easy.
    Work for the BBC or in Local Government.
    Both institutions reward gender & ethnicity rather than qualifications for the job.

    As a successful woman, I got my rewards through being the very best at what I did.

    It is insulting to womankind to get preferential treatment purely based on their gender.

    Positive discrimination is still discrimination.”
    Righty Rightwing

  6. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:10 pm Lucie

    “Also people with stupid comments, please stay away from HYS!

    Andrew Webb, Nuneaton, United Kingdom”

    I thought it was prerequisite

  7. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:16 pm mildred with the red pen

    What NuLabour’s Broken society’s spokesperson actually said was:

    blah blah halal and kosher.
    And a section for veggies
    and one for people with special dietry [sic] needs
    and meals for people with nut allergies etc etc etc

    what he should have done was put that second to last sentence at the end, spelt it proper, and added the words ANY OTHER (special needs)

    had he wanted it to make sense

    but that’s a big suppose innit

  8. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:17 pm Rebel

    The best thing to do with these numbnuts is to question their “sacred beliefs”.

    Yesterday, this right frog’s flap in my office was in the middle of a tirade against paedophiles. “Beautiful kiddie that Sarah Payne, that – insert loooong list of expletives – who killed her right, give me and my lads from the club half an hour with him and we’d kill him”.

    Says I, “Wow, I never thought you were a proponent of Sharia Law. That’s EXACTLY the punishment they want to see”.

    Cue blank look for 30 seconds, followed by increased tirade against anyone NOT a fully paid up member of the NF.

  9. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:18 pm Dingleberry

    I forgot…

    Mysogynistic, racist, belligerent, unkind, humourless, entrenched, constipated, bombastic, splenetic, thin-skinned, gloating, cold-blooded, imperialistic, pedantic, BORING, stuffy, xenophobic, provincial, monomaniacal, insane, lonely, back-seat-driving, delusional, inflexible OLD GIT!!!!

    phew! God I’ve been dying to get that out for ages. There’s more but it can wait.

  10. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:24 pm davesNotHere

    I had a cookbook one – Keith Floyd it was. But I thought it was my daily allowance of food. I am now 50 stone and am not sure whether to sue the publishers or get on a Channel Five Freak Show.

  11. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:26 pm Dr Shade

    Righty Rightwing could always be a woman trapped in a man’s body, parading around the workplace in his tweed skirt and cardie, pursing his lips disapprovingly at all the darkies and peedos (s)he’s forced to work with and wringing hir huge red-knuckled brickie’s hands in despair that he can’t persuade any of them to shag him vigorously up the gary.

    And if the Government thinks giving cookbooks to kids will help tackle obesity does this mean they’ll also be handing out free fat granny porno mags to tackle any incipient paedophilia in our next generation?

  12. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:28 pm mildred with the red pen

    i like the way HE – i agree he couldn’t possibly be anything else – makes his pseudonym sound all light-hearted and fun with the ‘righty’ right bit

  13. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:29 pm Rebel

    And if the Government thinks giving cookbooks to kids will help tackle obesity does this mean they’ll also be handing out free fat granny porno mags to tackle any incipient paedophilia in our next generation?
    —–

    There’s a vote winner!

  14. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:35 pm nurse mildred

    shouldn’t that be ‘free fat granny & grandad porno mags’?

  15. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:37 pm AndyS

    who wants to look at fat grandads?

    for a stern but sexy nurse, you’ve got some strange ideas.

  16. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:42 pm nurse mildred

    yeah it’s a political correctness affliction i got

    i’m good at correction, me

  17. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:45 pm DA PC BRIGADE

    Well, I just can’t start my day without a quick peek at my suacy Fat Grandad snaps what I keep hidden under mother’s bed…

  18. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:48 pm Tonymac

    “So to tackle obesity you give people cookbooks.Brilliant absolutely brilliant.Next we’ll be giving the unemployed cash handouts and drug addicts free drugs” [chickenhawc]

    Yeah, it’s a slippery slope the whole handouts thing.

    After the crack addicts get their limitless government funded drug supply, the necrophiliacs will be up in arms and they’ll get their pick of the nation’s newlydeads and long buried.

    Seeing the success of the necrophiliacs, the coprophiliacs will lobby the government for endless supplies of shite, forcing the government to reroute the foul drainage systems to the nation’s coprophiles.

    Not wanting to miss out, the agriozoophiliacs will then the force ZaNuLiarBore government into providing whichever exotic animal floats their boat, thus killing all wild exotic animals, thus destroying biodiversity, thus dooming the world.

    Is this really what we want?

    Relax, I’m Foghorn Leghorn.

  19. on 17 Sep 2008 at 1:51 pm AndyS

    can i suggest you google lemon party?

    tinterweb is full of such wrongness.

  20. on 17 Sep 2008 at 2:03 pm mildred

    my friend’s gran my used to go to something similar when holidaying in tuscany, called ‘la festa di limoncello’. put a right big grin on her face it did.

  21. on 17 Sep 2008 at 2:05 pm Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

    - Writing stories about the Veg could be English
    - Learning about food and where it comes from could be History and Geography

    Hahaha. Fuck Shakespeare. Fuck the Magna Carta. Fuck the industrial revolution. We’ll just study this turnip from now on.

  22. on 17 Sep 2008 at 2:14 pm alt-f4

    “Many UK Muslims … want Sharia Law in “their” areas”.

    “Thier” areas? How dare they! Just because they are from the UK what right does that give them to regard any part of the UK as “theirs”? We should send them back to their own countries.

  23. on 17 Sep 2008 at 2:26 pm mildred

    AndyS, going on what you hinted at in your earlier posting when you called me weird, just say the word and I can get you my friend’s gran’s phone number if you like.

  24. on 17 Sep 2008 at 2:38 pm Bit Special

    According to idiots like these HYSers, kids are truly the root of all evil, no matter what they get up to:

    When kids hang around the streets doing nowt, they’re all vile chav scum in training to be Britain’s next Olympic knifecrime hopefuls.
    When they sit indoors watching telly and eating biccies instead of getting out and about, they’re useless lazy fat blobbers, stuffing their indolent, cretinous dough-faces with junk.
    When they lock themselves away all night playing violent computer games or chatting on Instant Messenger and posting pics on Face(of)BoSpace and MyBeBook, planning sex, meth and shooting raves, they’re all sick sociopaths or techno-drones or webwhores or (insert own nonsense here).

    Aaaaaaaand when they they do a bit of nice, quiet, constructive activity like cooking they’re all feeding themselves into a XXXL-size early grave! How can the poor little bastards win?

    I can see why HYSers are incensed; by being given a cookbook, these poor children would be unknowingly being forced to contribute to some kind of uber-left *conspiracy* to make people more self-sufficient and healthy. And I love the twunt frothing on about special diets! Yeah, like someone saying no to a bit of bacon is affront to the very core of our national identity and a danger to the state! Believe you me, if you let someone loose with a bag of gluten-free flour, it’s a slippery slope that leads directly into the UK, sorry, England, becoming an extremist Muslim state! You know it’s true!

    Sorry for a long and not particularly amusing post, but part of my job is working with kids and healthy eating stuff and you would not believe the absolute scrofulous lemurs chuffs I have to deal with who go mental thinking I will ruin their precious darlings forever by suggesting that a baked potato might be a better choice than chips now and again! God forbid they reach adulthood with a single artery left unclogged!

    Oh yeah right, you read HYS, you WOULD easily believe me!

  25. on 17 Sep 2008 at 2:38 pm veggie

    “Gordon Ramsay has been cleared of breaking broadcasting rules after sparking anger by eating puffins on TV show The F Word.

    Complaints followed the scene in which Ramsay’s companion in Iceland was seen breaking the necks of four puffins and skinning them. The puffins’ hearts were taken out to eat as a special Icelandic delicacy.”

    I bet some of the complainants were HYSers

  26. on 17 Sep 2008 at 3:23 pm Neil

    What Bit Special said.

    Plus, kids should go to school, but the schools are shit and the teachers are communist, they should do well in their exams, but the exams are getting easier, so they can go to Uni, but the Unis are shit and the lecturers are communists, so they can get a job, but all the jobs are pretend social-government-communist jobs and an one-legged lesbian immigant will get the job ahead of them anyway.

    Is it any fucking wonder they’re growing up a just tad misanthropic and knifecriming everyone they meet?

    I know I did.

    Relax, I’m 35 years of age.

  27. on 17 Sep 2008 at 4:12 pm Bit Special

    What Neil said.

  28. on 17 Sep 2008 at 4:32 pm DannyBoyB

    @ Bit Special & Neil

    You missed out the old favourite…

    Won’t somebody think of the children!!!1!1!!

  29. on 17 Sep 2008 at 5:34 pm Tim

    Just to make Righty Rightwing explode, the Guardian recently did a feature called “Dig for Victory”. Oh, the irony.

    Relax, I’m a gardner.

  30. on 17 Sep 2008 at 6:02 pm mildred

    You learn a lot about Righty Rightwing here. Not only does he assume everything the government publishes is written by Guardian journalists…

    is it not then?

  31. on 17 Sep 2008 at 6:03 pm mildred

    Joy! Finally !! I can do blockquotes!!!

  32. on 17 Sep 2008 at 6:22 pm Bit Special

    DannyBoyB – so you want us all to think of the children, eh? PEEeED0!!!onethousandonehundredandeleven!!

  33. on 17 Sep 2008 at 7:39 pm Vicky

    Oh Mildred, I’d love to celebrate with you but Joy-Bloody-Pattison has ruined the word ‘joy’ forever.
    Similarly, the number of animals whose special-places I can admire without getting nasty HYS associations is, thanks to the efforts of this site, rapidly dwindling.

  34. on 17 Sep 2008 at 8:52 pm Owen

    “Writing stories about the Veg could be English”

    This needs more coverage. I love this.

  35. on 17 Sep 2008 at 9:29 pm Bit Special

    “Stories about veg? Sounds like a secret commie ZaNuLiarBore plot to turn us all vegan! Which, er, is something I don’t know much about so it must be wrong. Oh yeah, and Hitler was a vegetarian, so that makes it a nazi plot as well! Commie… Nazi… hang on, these thoughts make me a complete twat! Everything that confuses me is bad, wrong, evil and un-English – that’s why even the tiniest bit of change or variation must be stamped out!”

    Obviously, this is still far too rational and well-thought out.

    And not punctuated by grunts and then howls of frustration as non-opposable thumbs smash hopelessly upon the keyboard…

  36. on 17 Sep 2008 at 10:24 pm Rhinestone Choirboy

    As if we needed any more confirmation that we shouldn’t let turdmunchers off HYS set the national curriculum. There’s already too many people who can’t spell and think paedo immigrants cause cancer.

    How’s this for the maths syllabus. There are two girls, but only one cup. How long before you have to stop watching?

    Bank.

  37. on 17 Sep 2008 at 11:56 pm mildred

    Oh Mildred, I’d love to celebrate with you but Joy-Bloody-Pattison has ruined the word ‘joy’ forever.
    Similarly, the number of animals whose special-places I can admire without getting nasty HYS associations is, thanks to the efforts of this site, rapidly dwindling.

    pleased to say that ‘joy’ still has positive associations for me, but thanks for the warning vicky, i’ll remember close my eyes when it’s followed by a P

    think i might have to close my eyes when it comes to admiring animals’ special places as well. i do love animals, but never lustfully

  38. on 18 Sep 2008 at 10:04 am Rhinestone Choirboy

    Chemistry: Prove or disprove Springsteen’s Theorem that you can’t start a fire without a spark.

  39. on 18 Sep 2008 at 10:22 am Neil

    See also Nicks’ theory of thunder/rain concurrency (often incorrectly attributed to Corr/Corr/Corr/Corr).

  40. on 18 Sep 2008 at 12:25 pm Far-Q

    No need for a spark to start the fire, it was always burning since the world’s been turning.

    According to the Billy Joel hypothesis.

  41. on 18 Sep 2008 at 12:29 pm mildred

    what goes up must come down – scientific law or theory? discuss

    (or watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V_T9qkrdHs&feature=related)

  42. on 22 Sep 2008 at 3:37 pm Billy Shears

    One day, Arthur the radish was lying back in his, er, bush thingy where they grow wondering to himelf…
    Hmmm? Oh, sorry.
    I got distracted with something else for a second.

  43. on 03 Oct 2008 at 7:24 pm Sofie

    “Writing stories about the Veg could be English”. Yes, that WILL be thrilling. I can see it now.

    “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a failing crop of tomatoes, must be in want of a banana.”