Outsiders and Permanently Bewildered23 Sep 2008 10:02 am
By Nelson
Thanks to my mate Dave for finding this in The Sun.
Modern technology is brilliant. Not only can you buy “food that resembles chicken” and “posters of the Mona Lisa”, I’ve heard that you can get these inflatable women who look 10% less disappointed after you’ve humped them.
44 Responses to “Valuable”
My mate’s got this small piece of paper with a picture of the queen on. He says it’s worth £50.
It’s amazing what passes for art these days.
As first commentor, I suppose it falls to me to point out that Carstairs is home to the State Mental Hospital, where Scotland’s criminally insane are incarcerated. This may, or may not, be a coincidence.
Where’s an edit button when you need one?
they’re not just second hand but realllly old arn’t they? modern technology copies are probly miles better
Bastard Philbert. Go for my first post and there you are, thunder-stealing!
Anyway, State Hospital or not, Carstairs is serious Deliverance country.
i totally agree with James i got this vase from my granny when she died and it was rly old and called ming or somthng anyway which was like the only right thing about it cos it was well minging so i giv it to sum bloke who said heed by it for a fiver well chuffed i woz
chelsea age 14 crawley
10% less disappointed you say?
Sounds like a match not made on a Russian Bride website.
oh yes, now you mention it – jimmie mitchell from carstairs, yes, I remember him, quite an authority on art he was, forever churning out really unconvinving copies of old masters he was
This is pure madness!!!!!!! There’s millions of kids starving in Biafra, or Sri Lanka or somewhere like that, and they’ve spent millions fixing cracks in the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel!!! My mate Dave could have artexed it for a couple of hundred quid. Job Done. Pillocks! You couldn’t make it up!!!!!
I’d also warn that so-called “James Mitchell” that if he’s going to copy any artworks he better do it in a good-honest English dimension like square inches and in a good-honest English resolution like dots-per-inch. What this country needs is honest English counterfeiting – like that what won us the last war. We’ll have none of those forrin’ measurements here!!! Did Donald Pleasence lose his sight for nothing!!! He must be spinning in his grave!! THIS MAN MUST BE STOPPED IN HIS FORRIN ART COPYING BUT IN A FORRIN WAY CRUSADE OR WE’LL BE DROWNING IN A SEA OF UNTRAMMELLED IMMIGRATION AND NEGATIVE EQUITY!!?!!?! JUST THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!1111!
James Mitchell is an idiot.
Though I suppose I should be more specific. James Mitchell is an idiot, because, with this modern technology of his (or that could be his with a small bank loan), he could make his own identical copies of these paintings. With two of each available, the price would of course sink to half, but that’s still a cool £150 million he’d trouser for the pair with only a few thousand pounds expenditure.
Unfortunately, now he’s gone and published this ingenious business plan in The Sun, anyone who reads it will be able to nick his idea.
But with Photoshop you could tweak the copies to make them better than the originals and thus be worth more.
“With modern technology copies could be made for a few thousand (BRITISH) Pounds. The copies could in fact be made even better than the originals by correcting all the inevitable mistakes that made it into the first versions, and altering the scenes to make them more appealing to modern tastes. We also have more colours now than they used to have so the copies could also be brightened up and made to look more happy rather than all those old staid paintings of morose-looking men and women who obviously would have much preferred to have their digital photographs taken in an instant”.
exactly. You could give the mona lisa bigger tits – or even showing some bush.
I bet they dont print this!
Somebody at The Sun hasn’t read “The Language Of Art” By Nelson Goodman.”
modern millie: Excellent use of the word untrammelled (or, should I say, “UNTRAMMELLED!”). Would you like to have my (English not British) babies?
I vote he makes his copies and hides them in a big sausage which can then be stolen by the French Resistance, only not the right French Resistance, the bad COMMIE one and then the gay german with his liddletank will have to come and rescue Renee or something.
Relax, I’ve said this only once
Hey Peedo stalker Sam – does the “FACT” that I didn’t use the word untrammelled disqualify me?
also, you’d have to promise not to fiddle with them…
Some so-called “art expert” reckons that Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” is worth £50 million.
I got a this poster for £5-
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2435683072/tt0099785
-and it looks way more realistic.
Damn, you try to be all inappropriate and sleazy with someone whose name indicates they’re probably a woman, and you get the wrong probable-woman. Honestly, you really couldn’t make it up! My apologies, Millie, but if you’re still up for it, then that’s great. Although the name might put you off…
Was that the Sun? – sounds more like one of Vis’ ‘top tips’ to me!
Art: it’s all Done with Computers Nowadays.
This is a FACT! because my careers teacher told me so, when explaining why Computing and IT were better options than Art for a career in digital, er, art.
Just the other day I opened Flash CS3 and it made me a 2 hour animated Disney classic at the touch of a button. You couldn’t make it up, except I did. END OF.
Fo sho. I scanned it meself n everything.
Talking of art, Micheal Stone’s unforgettable work “Raging Paramilitary Psycho With Guns, Knives and Explosives” was a sublime piece. I realise talking about the ‘value’ of art is vulgar, but I reckon it has to be worth every bit of twenty years.
These masterpieces are all forgeries. Take my word for it, get one forged for 10 grand and blow the other £299,990,000 up your arse in powder format. You won’t be able to see straight enough to tell the difference.
All art is copies. All Leonardo da Vinci ever did was just look at this Lisa woman and all he did was draw what he seen, didn’t he. I could make a fortune doing that if I could ever find the time to go and buy some paint and that.
Art?!?!? Large Hardon Collanders?!?!? Whats the the world coming to?
I propose National Service for all school-leavers and a nice cup of milky tea for me before my bedtime.
Art isn’t going to solve the credit crunch…and I should know…I have a City & Guilds in Desktop Publishing!!!1!
10% less disappointed than what, or whom? TELL MEE!!!!11!ON!E
Relax, I’m a logician.
no problem peedo sam, hope simony laa laa does turn out to be female and not a bloke who sings
He’s pulling your leg. I got one of them too (mine was blue) but when I tried to pay for a round with it the barman asked me if I was “having a laugh”. Me?!? “This is no laughing matter,” I told him, “this is a portrait of the QUEEN” but he still wouldn’t accept it. FACT!!1!one!
You couldn’t make it up!?!?!
That’s exactly what they want you to think…
Incredible! And apparently the Pope is Catholic and Richard Littlejohn is a cunt.
Do bears shit on Richard Littlejohn? Is the Pope a cunt? If a tree falls in the woods and there are no paedophiles around, will I become catholic? What is the sound of one hand punching James Mitchell in the dick? Find out next week on Racists from Ascot.
Bestestest thing of all about the trial so far has been the fact that his defence is arguing that while he had put a rough plan together, he was too much of a twat ever to put it into operation successfully.
Q:
“Do bears shit on Richard Littlejohn?”
A:
Nowhere near often enough for my liking.
And exactly the same sentiment applies to the following:
“Do bears tear the face off of and anally rape Richard Littlejohn on a daily basis?”
Let’s try again.
Worked for Barry George.
“All Leonardo da Vinci ever did was just look at this Lisa woman and all he did was draw what he seen, didn’t he”
Yeah. And he was shite in that Titanic film and all!
Relax. I’m Andy Warhol.
“”Somebody at The Sun hasn’t read “The Language Of Art” By Nelson Goodman.”
Incredible!”
You’re saying they’re more into “The Originality of the Avant-Garde and Other Modernist Myths” by Rosalind Krauss?
What? like,
Bradford Jihadi – “Sure Your Honour, I wanted to blow me sen up on the tube and achieve martyrdom like, but I couldn’t get the bloody bleach to mix with the fertilizer, I just kept ending up with this stinky, fizzy slugde; it wouldn’t go bang or nuffin.”
Judge – “Oh well, no worries then, you can go, mate. Bloody Thick is an acceptable defence in law as far as I can see. See ya.”
All this talk of Littlejohn reminds me of the only time I’ve ever wanted to shake Will Self’s hand rather than stamp on his eponymously-satisfied face.
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