Comments on: Morning Colonel!

By: Persiflage

Persiflage — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:41:14 +0000

What with Fahrenheit being German and Celsius being Swedish, we’re a bit screwed. Kelvin’s no better than it should be either; it’s just Celsius in a fancy hat. I suggest that instead of all this futile mumbling about exchanging one filthy foreigner’s temperature measurements for another, we bring back the good old English scale of temperature measurement as devised by Isaac Newton. Not that anyone ever really used it, but why should we care?

“Today’s forecast is pretty chilly at 1.65 degrees Newton so don’t forget to wrap up warm! Elsewhere in the world, Sydney is experiencing balmy temperatures of up to 9.9 degrees Newton whilst Singapore is sweltering in an unseasonable 11.55 degree heatwave…”

If that sounds unreasonable, then an even more English approach would be to adopt a scale based on the fluctuations in rectal temperature of the Queen’s favourite Corgi. We could call it something like the Canus Anus Scale, with 0 degrees being when the Corgi is healthy (anus mirabilis) and 89-and-11/16ths when it’s at its most ill (anus horribilis). Each degree could be equal to 11/17ths of a Fahrenheit or something.

Now THAT’s British.

By: Alex

Alex — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 19:24:46 +0000

simply barking their own surname into it, as is the English way.

That’s definitely the German way.

By: Mr Ponsonby-Smythe

Mr Ponsonby-Smythe — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 16:19:54 +0000

RADIO 2 – STEVE WRIGHT
“Yet again, Steve Wright has been giving the temperature in celsius. This is a non-English term and should not be used on the BBC.”

Whatever next? If the standards decline any further in this country, people will start answering the telephone using terms like “hello” rather than simply barking their own surname into it, as is the English way.

By: Catholic Man

Catholic Man — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:40:22 +0000

We do the same. Married for 25 years we need some variety. We’ve done the role-playing, dressing up, the bondage, getting the dog involved, all that, but now we too spice up our sex life by re-enacting historical battles. Being Catholic though I always have to play the part of the Italian Army and withdraw early.

By: alt-f4

alt-f4 — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:15:23 +0000

Homo, I’ve nothing against it you understand. In fact, it can be quite thrilling to periodically indulge in mutual baldness. Then letting it grow back again and maybe trying something more artistic next time – the best one I ever did was to shave the bird’s fluffy bits into the shape of a Soviet T-42 tank. Took me hours it did. Then she shaved mine into the shape of a Third Reich Tiger Tank and we then set them into close quarters combat in a bed-based re-enaction of the Battle of Kursk.

But wanting to have them shaved all the time is weird.

By: Homo erectus

Homo erectus — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 12:58:58 +0000

Speak for yourself, alt-f4. My fluff is not so bushy as to hide my playthings, hence the animal hide bikini bottoms I fashioned, having seen how well it suited Racquel Welch. I always understood the fluff’s purpose was to avoid unwanted chaffing & friction – although this only became necessary when learnt to last longer than our cousins the bonobos and adopted the saucy front entry position.

By: alt-f4

alt-f4 — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 12:45:56 +0000

…and not even capable of posting to the right thread either.

By: alt-f4

alt-f4 — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 12:44:54 +0000

fucko the clown is probably an evangelical paedo. Complete removal of pubic fluff renders the otherwise adult playthings into sexually immature units of waste disposal. The evolutionary advantage of fluff, and why children don’t have it, is to hide from view the waste disposal organs from upright standing man (and woman) thus preventing any sexual display while going about one’s normal business (hunting and fishing and suchlike). They become visible only when pumped with blood to indicate readiness for more immediately gratifying passtimes.

Bored. No new articles, intermitant 404-style errors, Friday afternoon, so my thoughts are naturally turning away from “work” and more towards beer and fanny.

By: davesNotHere

davesNotHere — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 09:48:34 +0000

Convictions, convictions, convictions…doh

By: davesNotHere

davesNotHere — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 09:48:00 +0000

The Sun – 69 previous connections. I think I laughed so much a bit of wee came out…